[The Saucepan Man]

As the Saucepan Man watched Iadarion run off, he smiled and wondered why people always seemed to assume that his metallic attire automatically meant that he was a wizard in the kitchen. He was no such thing, if the truth be known, but he was happy to perpetrate the myth. Noticing the crowd growing impatient around the stage that the Barrow Downs Club had vacated, he decided that it was time for their second set.

In no time (and having disentangled himself from one of the "victims" of his Toffee Shock treats), Sergeant Saucy was back in front of Jonwise, Perripaul, Geordiwise and Bingo, regaling the audience with the song composed specially for this year’s party.

Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to the Shire Party Field.
Where Hobbits are real
And gather there to celebrate.
Shire Party Field forever.

Frodo is sitting with eyes closed
Dreaming of lands beyond the sea.
It’s getting hard to comfort him
But it all works out.
His story means so much to me.

Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to the Shire Party Field.
Where Hobbits are real
And gather there to celebrate.
Shire Party Field forever.

Lanterns shine from the Party Tree,
With fireworks bursting high and low.
Samwise tells the tale of Turin
Turambar.
That one I think is rather sad.

Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to the Shire Party Field.
Where Hobbits are real
And gather there to celebrate.
Shire Party Field forever.

Of berries, and mushrooms, I take my fill,
And apple pie with triple cream.
When offered beer I say “Ah yes”
In a mug that’s long.
That’s how they serve it down in Bree.

Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to the Shire Party Field.
Where Hobbits are real
And gather there to celebrate.
Shire Party Field forever.

Shire Party Field forever.
Shire Party Field forever.

Since the crowd seemed to be enjoying their performance, the band decided to finish off their set with an updated version of the previous year’s party song.

On Barrow Downs there is a Member reading highlights
Of every thread he's had the pleasure to have known.
And all the spirits that come and go
Stop and say hello.

In the Forum there’s a Newbie with a question,
Of Bombadil and Beorn and Tolkien’s words.
But the Newbie never does a search,
He talks of Balrog’s wings, of all the things!

The Barrow Downs is on my screen and in my head.
There beneath the black and orange threads
I type, and meanwhile back

In the Books there is a scholar with a theory
On Rings and Elven immortality.
He likes to talk of Eucatastrophe,
And Norse mythology.

*Gondorian regal trumpet solo*

The Barrow Downs is on my screen and in my head.
Just post your thoughts on what you’ve read
of Arda, meanwhile back

Upon the Downs among the Middle-Earth Mirthies
The Disco King is dancing every night and day
And tho' Boromir’s in his grave,
We all do the wave.

On the Downs the scholar quotes another Letter.
We see the Newbie now happily settled in.
Then a fangirl rushes in
From an Orli site, what a fright!

The Barrow Downs is on my screen and in my head.
There within the black and orange threads
I type, and meanwhile back

The Barrow Downs is on my screen and in my head.
There within the black and orange threads

Barrow Downs.

As the applause died down, the Saucepan Man thanked the crowd. The performance over, the four colourful Hobbits made straight for one of the bar tents, while Saucepan poured himself a drink from his kettle and wandered off to enjoy whatever the evening still might hold in store for him.