Your friend's answer is actually the opposite of what occurred. The answer to this lies in a letter written by Tolkien (#156) to his friend Father Murray in 1954. In this letter, Tolkien addresses the precise question and quote which you mention.
The author says Gandalf was initially sent to Middle-earth by the dictates of the Valar and ordered to help with the crisis which Sauron's presence represented. He was one of five Istari who took on this mission, and he was the only one who succesfully carried out his task. The Valar placed strict limits on the power of these Istari. They were to "train, advise, instruct, arouse the hearts and minds of those threatened by Sauron to a resistence with their own strengths; and not just to do the job for them."
When Gandalf came to Middle-earth, he took on an incarnate body. This means that he had a physical being which was capable of feeling pain and weariness and also of being killed. Tolkien says that the critical point at the Bridge was Gandalf's willingness to sacrifice himself, to allow himself to be killed, and to obey the rules which Eru had set up. (Note: Whenever Tolkien refers to the "Authority", he is describing Eru.) Gandalf dies, and is changed. But this change comes not from the Valar, but from Eru.
Here are some quotes illustrating this from the letter:
Quote:
Regarding Gandalf's sacrifice: "He was handing over to the Authority that ordained the Rules, and giving up personal hope of success."
Regarding his change by Eru and his return to Middle Earth: "He [i.e. Gandalf] was sent by a mere prudent plan of the angelic Valar or governors; but Authority had taken up this plan and enlarged it, at the moment of its failure. 'Naked I was sent back--for a brief time, until my task is done.' Sent back by whom, and whence? Not by the 'gods' whose business is only with this embodied world and its time; for he passed 'out of thought and time.'Naked is alas! unclear. It was meant just literally 'unclothed like a child' (not discarnate), and so ready to receive the white robes of the highest. Galadriel's power is not divine, and his healing in Lorien is meant to be no more than physical healing and refreshment."
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Hope this helps. By the by, Gandalf's mandate to act was also expanded by Eru at this time. Although he was still encouraged to teach and inspire the people of Middle-earth, he was now allowed to take direct action himself in cases where the "physical powers of the Enemy are too great for the good will of the opposers to be effective."
sharon, the 7th age hobbit
[ August 28, 2002: Message edited by: Child of the 7th Age ]