Also, if memory serves from Morgoth's Ring, the women were usually the healers and the elves feared that if women fought, they would loose their healing abilities.
As to what they were doing:
There's a whole stinkin' lot to do on the home-front while the boys are fighting, making weapons and food and other supplies. Also we're told what Arwen did when Aragorn was off fighting for her hand: she wove him the flag, and "watched over him in thought."
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