[Oddwen]

Well, it's taken me two days to write this, and I haven't refreshed the page since then, so I hope I don't step on anyone's toes...


Scene: Aragorn riding the plains toward Edoras.

(Aragorn manages to heave himself up onto Brego)

PJ: Drat, Enya just had to shatter the camera...now I've got to use this crummy handheld...dagnabbit...

(All of a sudden, cresting a rise, Aragorn sees a huge army gathering on the plain! Apple Bonkers, and Butterfly Stompers, along with Blue Meanies in horrendous amounts! Aragorn gapes until...)

Brego: *cough* I know I'm just a horse and all, but can we duck out of sight?

Aragorn: Uh, sure...

(Thanks to the resoucefulness of Brego, Aragorn finds his way to Helm's Deep.)

Random Rohirrim: Agh! He's back!

Random Rohirrim 2: Oh no!

(An angry mob gathers as he makes his way to the King's chambers.)

Aragorn: Stop following me!

Gimli: Aragorn!

Aragorn: Gimli!

Gimli: Brego!

Brego: Gimli!

Aragorn: Brego!

Brego: Aragorn!

Legolas: Aragorn!

Aragorn: Legolas!

Legolas: Gimli!

Brego: Legolas!

Legolas: Brego!

Eowyn: Aragorn!

Aragorn: Eowyn!

Eowyn: Brego!

Legolas: Gimli!

Brego: Eowyn!

Gimli: Aragorn!

Legolas: AHHHH!!!

Aragorn: Ahh?

Gimli: Ahh.

Aragorn: Ahh...

Eowyn: Haa!

Legolas: AHHH!! *flees*

A&G&E&B: *shrug* *Aragorn continues into Meduseld*

Theoden: Aragorn!

Aragorn: Gamling!

Gamling: Theoden!

Theoden: Gamling!

Gamling: Aragorn!

Aragorn: Theoden!

Theoden: What happened to you? We thought you were dead!

Aragorn: Humbleblablah, wargs, blahblahhumgleblah, cliffs, hungle bungle hamrla, yellow submarine, humina marlama BLUE MEANIEEEEES!

Theoden: He seems agitated.

Gamling: Doesn't he though.

Theoden: Yes he does, doesn't he?

Gamling: Yes, he does.

Theoden: Isn't he though?

*later*

Theoden: So...you're saying that there's a big ol' army coming this way?

Aragorn: Yes. Bazillions of them. We're doomed, doomed, doomed!

Gamling: Gee, thanks for pointing that out, Elrond.

Theoden: Aww, they can come if they want. Helm's Deep can stand it.

Gimli: These are no common orcs. These are Uruk-hai. Their skulls are thick and their swords are pointy. Or wait...was it the other way around?

Legolas(singing): I'm, too sexy for my bow...too sexy for my bow...

Theoden: Whatever.

A: Haven't you heard what I said? These are no common orcs, they are BLUE MEANIEEEEES!

Theoden: Well, what do you want me to do, huh? Relinquish command to you, Your Squishiness?

A: I changed my shoes already, for crying out loud!

Theoden: No-one will come. Not the stinkin' elves, not the stinkin' dwarves, and certainly not the reekin' Gondorians!

A: Hey! Big meanie...*sob*

T: Aright everyone, everyone not fighting get into the caves! That means you, Eowyn!

Eowyn: Aw, man...

*at the armoury*

Aragorn: Furriers, table boys...these are no fighters! Many of them have never worn a tutu in their lives!

Random Rohirrim: Tutus? What exactly are we fighting here?

Legolas(muttering): Idiot. *aloud* Look at them. They are frightened little sissies. You can see it in their eyes!

Rohirrim: *glare*

L: Boe a hûn: neled herain dan caer menig! (We're all doomed! Doom! Doom! Doom!)

Aragorn: What? What drums in the deep?

L: *grinds teeth* We're doomed! We're all gonna die!

A: Well, duh! Of course we're all gonna die!

Rohirrim: ...? What?

A: Um...I mean eventually of course, old age you know, not bloodily in a hopeless battle like this one of course! Heh heh.

Young Rohirrim Boys: Wahh!

L: Real smart, Ranger.

A: Hmmph! *storms out and sits glumly on the stairs*

*two random cameo kids are standing around the fire*

A: Hey, Cameo Kid, come here! What's your name?

Kid: I'm Haleth, son of Hama.

A: Alice? That's a GIRL'S name! HAW HAW HAW!!

Kid: No, Haleth.

A: ...Oh. Well, it's still a girl's name! HAW HAW HAW!!

Kid: Shut up. My Momma helps to write the script, you know.

A: HAW HA-so, handsome little boy, give me your sword.

Haleth: Mo-om!

A: I just wanna borrow it, sheesh! *swoosh swoosh swoosh break*

A: What a crummy piece of work...not like my sword. Telchar the famous smith made it y'know.

Haleth: Can I see it?

A: Well...I don't have it with me y'know...

Haleth: We're doomed!

A: Why does everyone always say that around me? BWAHHHH!! *runs off crying*

Haleth: Sheesh.

(Aragorn runs into the armoury and starts picking out the best stuff for himself)

Aragorn(muttering): Let's see...the hauberk's connected to the helmet, the shoelace's connected to the belt loops, the belt loops are connected to the chain mail, the chain mail's connected to the sword hilts...wait, where's the sword?

Legolas(dully): Forgive me. I was wrong to despair. I realize now that it is an elf's place to be happy and cheerful all the time.

Aragorn: There, that wasn't so hard, was it? Now give me my sword.

Legolas: No. You're too dangerous with a sword. You could put someone's eye out with it.

A: That's the idea...hey, where'd the Evenstar go? Do you have that too, you packrat?

L: Fine! Here, take it!

Evenstar: *croak croak croak*

A: Ahh, Arwen my shmoopie, it won't be long now...

*enter Gimli*

Gimli: Alright...whose idea was it to feed me those cream puffs? Now my mail won't fit!

L&A: *snork*

***Elennar's post should go here***

Gimli: So whose dratted idea was it to send elves here? I mean, who needs more elves???

Aragorn: Elrond, I'd guess. He probably hopes to lighten us poor, poor, unfortunate Men's hearts.

Legolas: Well, you folks do seem to be rather depressed...

Theoden: Hellooooo? We are at WAR!

*hoooooooooooot!*

Legolas: That is no orc horn!

Random Gate Guard: Badger kind...open the gates!

*start funky music*

Howard Shore: Wait a minute...I don't do funky!

Here come, here come, here come the badgers! Here come, here come, here come the badgers!

Aragorn: Wow, this music is really catchy!

L: You said it!

Howard Shore: Hey...this is not the symphony in G Major that I wrote for this!

Randy Newman: Bwahaha! Behold Howard, it is I! You only THOUGHT you were writing music for LotR!

Danny Elfman: And I! Ha haa! We are agents of Disney, come to make LotR a more family film! BEHOLD, the fuzzy friendly woodland badgers!

RN: Yes, what this trilogy needs is some FRIEND MUSIC!

HS: Noo! *start Matrix-esque fight sequence*

HS: *punchkick*

DE: The force is strong with this one. *slap*

RN: *kickkick*

(Suddenly, Howard Shore grabs a sword from a nearby elf, and easily decimates his opponents and heaves their bodies over the Deeping Wall!)

HS: GO ME!

(He grabs Legolas's bow and neverending quiver and does the same with the evil Disney cartoon badgers!)

HS: Booya!! *adjusts glasses* Ahem. Now, if I could just get the clarinets to be a semioctave higher there...yes. Perfect.

All: *gape*

*blaaaaaaat!*

Legolas: That is no orc horn either!

Theoden: *groan* Not another one...don't open the gate!

(Aragorn, however, is overcome with curiosity and climbs to the wall above the gate. A lone man stands there, dressed in black with a mask over his face. Amazingly, he starts to climb the wall! He gets a bit over halfway there, when he comes to a stop.)

Aragorn: Can you hurry it up a bit?

Masked Figure: Sorry, could you not distract me? This isn't as easy as it looks.

A: Sorry. Is there any way I can sort of help you along?

MF: I don't see why, as you're just waiting around to kill me.

A: I give you my word that you will reach the top alive.

MF: What assurances do I have?

A: I will give my word as a Ranger.

MF: Sorry, I've known too many Rangers.

A: I will swear on my father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's father's sword.

MF: Good enough.

(Aragorn throws down a rope, and the Masked Figure climbs to the top)

MF: So...could I see this sword?

A: Well, I don't exactly have it with me at the moment...probably back in Rivendell, unless Arwen is on her way with it right now...

MF: I see. So, you lied.

A: No, you're alive, aren't you?

MF: Not for long, though it would seem.

A: As you wish.

*thwang! thwang!*

MF: My, you are excellent!

A: I should be. I've devoted my life to swordplay.

*clang! thwip!*

A: I see you are using Halbarad's defense against me.

MF: It is the only logical conclusion, if one attacks with their Amras.

A: I suppose you expect me to attack with Fegalund?

MF: Only if one has studied their Ragnor, which I have.

*thwang, clang!*

A: I must admit, you are better than me.

MF: Then why are you smiling?

A: I am not left handed.

*thwang! clang! clang!*

MF: You are magnifiscent! But I must say something.

A: What?

MF: I am not left handed either.

*Thwap! clang! clang! thwapclang! shhhhhing!*

(The Masked Figure suddenly knocks Aragorn's sword from his hand!)

A: Aw, drat. I suppose you are going to kill me.

MF: Are you kidding? I can't waste such talent.

A: Won't you tell me who you are?

MF: No.

A: I must know.

MF: Get used to disappointments. *thump*

A: Ow! Hey!

MF: Oh, er...*thumpthump!*

A: Grr...now it's personal!

(Aragorn attacks the Masked Figure mercilessly! The gathered mob chants frenziedly!)

A: And now...to see who you are! *he rips the mask off! Everyone gasps in surprise!*

Aragorn: Boromir!

Legolas: Boromir!

Boromir: Aragorn!

Gimli: Boromir!

Legolas: Gimli!

Theoden: Boromir!

Boromir: Legolas!

Gimli: Theoden!

Aragorn: Gamling!

Gimli: Legolas!

Gamling: Aragorn!

The Mob: AHH!


(I left a few things out...Treebeard explaining Entmoot, and Theoden being prepared for battle. And...that's it for tonight!)

[edit] Oh my gosh...it's long...[/edit]