I would tend to agree with the people who said Elfhelm probably knew who Dernhelm was. In RotK, Book V, Chapter 6(The Ride of the Rohirrim - I think it's chapter 6) it says something like "there seemed to be an understanding between Dernhelm and Elfhelm." This is, of course, from Merry's perspective and he did not recognize Eowyn, but I would take this to mean that Elfhelm knew that Dernhelm was Eowyn. It also goes on to say that the other riders ignored Merry and treated him like a piece of baggage. So, I would say that the other riders turned a blind eye to Merry and Eowyn.
I admit, it also crossed my mind that Elfhelm liked Eowyn. if he didn't though, it would seem sort of odd that he would willingly allow Eowyn to ride with the Rohirrim. Maybe he didn't do it willingly? What could other reasons be?
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