If I were Eru...
If I were Eru and wanted to have some fun...i'd make Sauron turn Mordor into a giant Disco Party place. The eye would be a giant disco ball. Saruman would lead the limbo. The balrog would be a DJ.
...I'd turn the Andurin into a chocolate river. Then the fellowship would have to get Galadriel to scarf her face with chocolate.
..I'd make it so when the three, seven, or nine rings of power come together, they'd summon Captain Planet. *SINGS* CAPTAIN PLANET! HE'S OUR HERO! GONNA TURN POLUTION DOWN TO ZERO! *SINGS*
...Gollum would wear a tux and compliment people. He'd have a golden wig and stand upright.
...Gimli would wear stilts to fit in.
...every time Sauron's name is mentioned, there is a lightning bold sound and someone says "BUM BUM BUMMMMM"
...Hobbits would take a vow not to smoke or drink.
...Legolas would twitch ever time someone says something.
...Ringwraiths would be tel-e-marketers who pester you until you die.
...Elrond would always call Aragorn "Mr. Anderson"
...Gandalf would have an IQ of -40
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'
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