Heren, you're right, there is definitely a change in the prerequisite to being an Elf-friend throughout the ages. Your first post was very complete in detail, and you've provided some excellent quotes. In the First Age, anyone from the Three Houses was an Elf-friend - they were all (women included) allies, and shared in the trials and triumphs of the Elder Kindred. It was the time of the Elves, and they had not yet begun to fade. By the War of the Ring, we know that their numbers and their martial strength is greatly diminished. In those times I think that they would be pleasantly surprised to find a friend who would speak to them in their own language, the knowledge and use of which was greatly diminished.
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‘Be careful, friends!’ cried Gildor laughing. ‘Speak no secrets! Here is a scholar in the Ancient Tongue. Bilbo was a good master. Hail, Elf-friend!’ he said, bowing to Frodo.
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I think Gildor may have been speaking with a degree of humour here, and his quick naming of Frodo as Elf-friend may have been in part a playful tease. More than any other LOTR Elves, Gildor and his company are similar to the Elves we encounter at Rivendell in The Hobbit, laughing and poking fun at the Dwarves.
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I name you Elf-friend; and may the stars shine upon the end of your road!
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Here, Gildor names Frodo Elf-friend after the situation has been explained (though not fully) to him. I think this is more an expression of Gildor's allegiance to Frodo than the other way around. Gildor is in a more serious mood after hearing that Gandalf has not kept his appointment, and vows to Frodo to help in what little way he can. Although of course Frodo's errand greatly concerns Gildor, and Frodo is proving himself an Elf-friend by undertaking it, not simply by speaking Elvish.
What about the case of Gondor? Do you think that all the people of Gondor are Elf-friends, because they are such staunch opponents of Sauron (unlike Rohan who only interferes when necessary)? Or is it only the noble houses and the masters of lore who are Elf-friends, since they speak the language? OR, is Elf-friend simply a hereditary title, as such applying to anyone descended from the Elendili, regardless of political leaning or knowledge of language?