[Airerûthiel]

That night Torfithien took the first watch. She was bitterly cold, and her cloak gave her little protection against the wind's bite. Her gaze never strayed from the dying embers; she only glanced up slightly at the sound of a cracking twig or the rustle of wind in nearby bushes. In the fire's flames she sought her future, her purpose in life: but it was not to be found there, not tonight at least. Her heart was heavy as she remembered the family she had loved and lost, and she sighed sadly occasionally.

Suddenly the sound of footsteps registered in her mind. She whirled round suddenly, her hand on the handle of her long knife, instantly defensive. Fingil came out of the shadows, illuminated in various shades of red and orange and gold as he sat down beside her. "Forgive me for startling you," he said. "I did not mean to give you cause for fright. But I do not come here only to keep you company in the lonely night; there is something I must ask you. Why have you been avoiding me?"

"You are mistaken." Torfithien's words came out defensively, making her seem uptight and tense. Fingil could see her eyes beginning to glaze over with tears. "I am sorry; forgive me, I cannot control my emotions." She seemed to be punishing herself for not being as strong and together as she normally seemed. "Fingil, you are the first real friend I have ever had. It is for your own good that we cannot be truly close."

"What do you mean?" The male Elf was curious to know why his friend was talking in riddles. "Torfithien, I can assure that you have done nothing wrong. I only worry because you are so quiet and rarely speak to any of us. We are all striving for a common goal - I know you were closer to the Lady Celebrian than any of us others, but our duty is to help each other as well as to rescue her."

Torfithien knew she had to tell him. "You will think I am imagining things, but...I believe I condemn those whom I am close to to death."

She saw the puzzled look on Fingil's face, and explained further. "When I was but a child, I loved my mother more than life itself. She adored me too, as I was her only daughter and by the time of my birth she was considered perhaps a little too old to bear more children. We had a stronger bond than any other Elven girl-children that I knew other did with their mothers. But that all changed when I was seven years old.

"My mother was an Elf of Mirkwood who had married into the Lórien Elves. She would often go back to visit her people in the wood, and one of these trips when I was small proved fatal. A party of Orcs ambushed her just before she entered the forest, and shot her with arrows. She died instantly. All we knew for some days was that she never came home, until one of King Thranduil's riders came to the Golden Wood with the message that she was slain."

"How could you have been responsible for her death?" asked Fingil. "It was not your fault that the Orcs chose to attack your mother. She was just unlucky. It is a simple case of her being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Torfithien shook her head. "It is more than that. My hands are stained with the blood of a second one whom I was close to. It was about the time that Celebrian married Elrond. I was lonely and longed to find love myself. So I decided to make a journey to Mirkwood, to see where my mother had spent her youth. It was in that forest that I first saw Rorfimir." Her eyes were soft and warm, with a dreamy look about them. "The sight of that Wood-elf walking through the forest and singing The Lay of Lúthien struck me dumb instantly - he was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. We laid eyes upon one another at the exact same moment, and fell in love at once.

"The relationship was turbulent, but it had to be kept a secret - we felt we were destined to be together, but no-one else agreed with us. We were even lucky in that our romance produced a son, whom we named Calilmal. However, it was not to be, as I let Rorfimir be taken from me not six years after our son's birth.

"The goblins conspired with the wolves to attack Mirkwood. Rorfimir felt it his duty to go and defend his kindred, but I wished to go instead and fight for my mother's folk. He bade me stay in Lothlórien with our son, promising me that as soon as he returned we would be wed. I never saw him again. To this day I have not forgiven myself for heeding his words and not going to battle. The wargs should have taken my life, not his!" She began to sob, small choking gasps for air coming from her mouth. Fingil nervously put an arm round her shoulder for comfort, stroking her cheek and hair, rocking her as though she were a frightened child.

"What happened to your son?" he asked after several minutes. The child's story intrigued him, and he wished to know what had happened to the boy. Perhaps he had met him once before. Perhaps he could reunite Torfithien with her long-lost child.

"I took him to Edoras." Torfithien's tone was filled with regret as she pulled away from Fingil. She still did not trust him, despite the fact that he clearly wanted to care for her. "He was left on the doorstep of a peasant family and named Tellyn. I do not know if he still lives, and I am sure that he will not remember me in the slightest. He has his life-path, and I have mine. They are separate and shall never cross."

With that, she stood up and walked towards her sleeping patch, leaving a very confused Fingil staring after her as she disappeared into the shadows.