Her playful joking did little to brighten Amaryllis' mood. She wanted to run off into the forest and be left alone forever. Someone else would be named prettiest. She was certainly feeling ugly now since Sauche had drawn attention to her slouching shoulders and unsmiling face.
"I have no reason to smile" she said half-heartedly. "I just want to get my dress and be gone. Perhaps I could go into the forest and never return. Maybe I could be captured by something large and horrible and never return."
She thought these things to be better alternatives to living without Arloss. She missed him so bad. She wanted him to be alive still. She wanted it with all of her being. She would have died if it had meant he would live. Her mind was cruel and constantly brought up the question that if he was truly dead, she would be by now as well. Perhaps they had made a mistake. Perhaps it was another elf that looked like Arloss. She wanted it to be another elf. It had to be another elf.
She blinked and remembered where she was. In front of the dressmakers about to go in and get a dress. Maybe she could just get some pants like Sauche wore. She could put up her hair with twigs and feathers and all just like Sauche and go off and be a wanderer. The forest seemed to be beckoning to her. She turned round and looked at it. Its trees swayed and the wind whispered in the leaves. It sounded like it was telling her to come in and live alone forever there. She almost started towards it but Gayahithwen pinched her and pulled her inside the small building. She looked around at a place she used to love to come to. Now it seemed small and suffocating. The lush fabrics seemed like they would cover her and bind her so tightly that she wouldn't be able to breathe. She didn't want to be here but she couldn't run around wearing a bedsheet. She picked out a dress, a rather unflattering one at that and put it on. It didn't look so great but she didn't really care anyway. She purchased it and told Gayahithwen that she was done already. Gayahithwen had just begun to try on a single dress when Amaryllis stepped out of the door and headed towards the forest.
Halfway to the trees just beyond the borders of the town, Thalig stopped her and asked to speak to her privately. She didn't want to talk to anyone but Thalig was a good friend and she couldn't just ignore him.
"Amaryllis," he began. "When the guards and I went back to find Arloss' body, in order to give it a dignified burial, we couldn't find it. It was gone. We feared the orcs were stilll in the area so we thought his body to be taken as trophy. We were in much danger and returned wuickly to town. I thought I should tell you. Everyone has heard what you did. Are you okay?" his voice carried a tone of pure concern in it. He almost reached out and touched her face but held his hand back.
She looked at him like a sister would look at a brother. Why was he such a good friend to her? Why was anyone friends with her. SHe must have always been horribly concieted so why would anyone want to be around her? She assured him she would be fine and she finally was on her way towards the forest. Sure she would find a friendly home there. Consolation for her heart.
|