[The Saucepan Man]

At the mention of his name, Saucepan jumped out of his seat, his pans rattling and jangling in sympathetic surprise, and the small milk pan that he had been polishing dropped with a clatter to the floor. Hastily fishing it out from the seat in front of him and fixing it back in place, he rose and made his way down to the front of the auditorium, clinking and clattering in time with the theme from Jeopardy as he went. As he had been sitting very near the back of the hall, Nuranar reached the stage before him.

As he made his way up the steps leading on to the stage, he nearly stepped on a stray neekerbreeker that had become parted from its fellows during the painful confusion of Vogonwë’s recitation. Managing successfully to avoid it, he nevertheless lost his footing and bumped and crashed back down the steps. Picking himself up, he looked round sheepishly. For a second, in his embarrassment, he toyed with the idea of making a break for it, and then spotted the familiar snout of a Warg peeking out from behind the backstage curtain. Steeling himself (stainlessly), he hopped back up the steps and on to the stage, waving at the audience as he did so. Fortunately, he managed to reach the microphone without further mishap.

Enveloping first Nuranar, and then Sophia, in a hug, much to their astonishment and slight discomfort, he took the hallowed Tombstone and held it aloft. Looking out into the audience, he saw that there were many faces that he recognised. He spotted Lush, her air of innocence refreshed with such skill that her pure white aura gleamed brilliantly in the darkened hall and reflected stunningly off the mirrorball which, Saucepan noted with satisfaction, had been fixed to the ceiling of the auditorium. Next to her were Squatter, slowly sinking into an Old and Bizarre stupor, and Heren-Istarion who Saucepan was glad to see had finally woken up. Diamond was there too, as were many other familiar faces, Annun, Menelien and LinGalad to name but a few. Saucepan stood there beaming at the assembled guests, his wizened face glowing with happiness, while Nuranar accepted her award.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Nuranar finished her acceptance speech, the Saucepan Man stepped forward to the microphone.

“Fellow Barrow-Downers” he began. “My dear Elves, Hobbits, Men … um … Hippos, Chickens and …” glancing nervously at the twitching curtains “… Wargs. Thank you one and all. I am delighted to accept this ‘No One Can See All Friends Award’, although I must say that I can see many friends here in the audience ...”

“It’s the ‘No One Can See All Ends Award’ “, Sophia hissed in his ear.

“… er, sorry, the ‘No One Can See All Ends Award’ …”

Saucepan studied the words engraved on the Tombstone and his brow furrowed in concentration.

“Hmm, ‘No One Can See All Ends’ “ Saucepan pondered. Then, his face lighting up once more, he exclaimed “Is it Eä?”

Catching an impatient glare from Sophia out of the corner of his eye, he continued “Thank you so much for this award, which I am delighted and honoured to accept. The Quiz Room is a curiously addictive chamber where I have recently spent many a happy hour poring over my new, but nevertheless well-thumbed, Tolkien Companion straining to construct suitably fiendish cryptic clues, only to find them answered within minutes of posting.”

With this, he flashed an affectionate mock scowl at Annunfuiniel.

“I would like to thank all those who have made the Quiz Room such a challenging, yet friendly, place to haunt. Those who I would like to mention in particular are Beren87, Pallando PC, gilraën, Gil-Galad, Alaklondewen, Annunfuiniel, Lindolirian, Eruanna, elven maiden Earwen, Lyra Greenleaf , lathspell, Estanesse and, of course, Nuranar and our friendly neighbourhood Thunder Mistress here. I am sure that there are others that I have forgotten, for which I apologise, but all you fellow Quizaholics know who you are. My attendance at this party and ceremony has necessitated my absence from the Quiz threads for a few days, but rest assured, I shall soon return. And finally, a big thank you to everyone on the Downs for making it such a wonderful place to be, and in particular, to the Barrow-Wight himself for making it all possible in the first place.”

With that, he raised his pan-laden arm in a salute to the eerie green smoke rising from the private box near the stage. As he made to leave, he turned back to the microphone and added “And, for those still stumped by my latest Words in Words concoction, look for a Beatles song where all troubles seem so far away.”

“HAPPY DEATHDAY TO THE BARROW-DOWNS!”

Saucepan gave a happy wave and strode jauntily from the stage, tripping once again down the stairs with a crash and a clatter, to the surprise of no one. Undaunted, he made his way back to his seat and slumped down contentedly. As the ceremony continued, he took out his linen cloth and polish and began furiously rubbing away at the magnificent Tombstone in his hands.

[ May 05, 2003: Message edited by: The Saucepan Man ]

[ May 05, 2003: Message edited by: The Saucepan Man ]