[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Those are some pretty tempting offers.

We could, of course, apply this to an earlier period entirely:

Bored? Lonely? Shaped like a giant arachnid? Capable of creating webs of pure darkness? Why not take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make big profits? Why not become a partner in the most profitable liquidation in the history of Arda?

The finances for this project have already been found, and I require assistance only to maintain secrecy during my acquisition of stock. Disaffection with the current management of Two Trees Inc would help, but a 'can do' attitude is much more important to me, as this enterprise may entail a certain amount of risk. As I said above the potential profits are enormous, although you may prefer to eat the proceeds instead.

Interested parties need only reply to me at melkormasteroftheworld@DarkLordEnterprises.org to set them on the road to riches beyond their wildest dreams (or a nice drink of sap).