[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

This looks like a friendly little thread. I think I may join in briefly:

Unfortunately for Melkor, Tulkas had a strict strip-search policy. It is said that he would laugh as he conducted these searches.

I find myself wondering what other mystical items Tulkas would have found in his search of Morgoth. Surely Victorinox, Pocket-Knife of the Underworld; the mighty Crib-Sheet of the Ainur and the Folding Catapult of Mischief are all prime candidates. Obviously you're not imagining the discovery of any large weapons.

Lush, you have a one-track mind. It's unhealthy.