Attn: the Lord of all of our Rings,
Misunderstood Lord Sauron
CEO Middle-Earth Enterprises
RE: Merchandising
Greetings, Dark One, and apologies for the slight delay.
Recent instabilities in the Nan Curunir area have affected our main office, somewhat. I can assure you however, that reports of White Hand dishwashing gloves and tye-dye t-shirts of many colours featuring our Noble Platypus trademark are pure fiction. We here at Evil Monotreme Enterprises only deal with the Land of Mordor amusement park. It must've been a similar group, known as Evil Monotreme Corporation Incorporated. Yes, I think he'll believe that.
I am pleased to send with this letter a cheque for the last quarter shipments of Land of Mordor merchandise. I believe the agreed rate was 5%? Also, in regard to your comments about terms and conditions, I think that:
Quote:
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1. You may have complete control over the management of your restaraunt provided you run things exactly as I wish.
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Is of course very fair, except that we don't actually manage any restaurants. Perhaps an individual contract may be more appropriate than simply copying an old one, Your Darkness.
You will be pleased to hear that the Minas Morgul doorstops have been selling quite well, although if you'd like to stir up some evil wind storms and send them across the land, I'm sure that couldn't hurt our sales. As requested, we have shipped out many beer tankards as well as coffee mugs. You will be delighted to hear that The Green Dragon at Bywater, The Shire has been one of our very best customers. Soon every hobbit will be giving Eye of Sauron beer tankards to a friend for their birthday. My local Sales people tell me that these will then give the tankards to other hobbits, and so on and so on.
If you have any further ideas for merchandise let me know,
Doug Platypus
Absolute Ruler
Evil Monotreme Enterprises