[good idea at the time]

Dear Mr. Harvey Drim, Jr.,
Southron Foods, Inc.


Thank for very much for your compliments to my staff. The Witch King of Angmar was so pleased that he wished to thank you personally and so has delivered this letter himself.

I was equally delighted by your idea to open one of your restaraunts in the Magical Land of Mordor. My terms of service are as follows:

1. You may have complete control over the management of your restaraunt provided you run things exactly as I wish.

2. Any persons who disappear and/or re-appear in your place of business shall be reported immediately to Magical Land of Mordor Security by whom they will be given the "special" tour of this theme park.

3. Should any young haflings come to your place of business, they will be given free ale and lots of it, as that tends to make them chatty and loose with information, and well, secrets are just nasty, unfriendly little things, aren't they?


I do hope that these meet your approval and you will be conducting business in the Magical Land of Mordor. When I actually had a body, I was quite fond of Mumakil burgers and the thought of them cooking so nearby makes me ever more eager to get the ring back so I can taste one again.


Your're mine now truly (I mean, yours truly)
The Misunderstood Lord Sauron
CEO of MiddleEarth Enterprises