[Sadbh]

Legolas Bachelor *wickedly evil grin*

Let's meet our contestants:

Nizhkanaz Bloody-fisted- This young woman is a hip young Orc from Moria. Backed by Flaming Demon records, she recorded her first album, 'Drums in the Deep.' when only twenty. She enjoys screeching and eating man-flesh.

Eluiala Laurelin- This lovely young elf hails from Mirkwood, and her talents include archery, horsemanship, singing, dancing, nancing, quoting mysterious and random euphomisms while nancing, looking mysterious and fiesty while nancing, and tracing her bloodlines to every canon character in the book. Her hobbies include wielding her ring of power, Lilybuttercup, helping the orphans in Harad, and seducing Legolas.

Marigold Prescott: This lovely young hobbit is fresh from her tweens and a prominent baker in hobbiton. As a child she was aclaimed as the 'cute gasping hobbit child.' Her talents include cooking, eating, and being undeniably hobbitish.

Vanessa Brandon: A twenty five year woman from this universe who 'really just wants to find the right guy' and thinks that 'this might just be it.' Her only assets to the show are her inane stupidity and barbieness which makes us all laugh. And its so funny to see Nizhkanaz eating her hair extentions.

Also, on Relality TV Middle Earth, coming this June...

VC: I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!

A camera pans around in zooms in on various faces. Unfortunately we must note that Thingol, Barliman Butterbur, Goldberry, Melian, Brandir the Lame, Drogo Baggins, Aerin, and Pallando aren't really that big of celebrities Nope nope.