[ElanorGamgee]

Frodo: Lives in seclusion in his English countryside cottage, reading classic literature and thinking about the "good old days" before television, computers, and telephones. He also writes essays on the evils of the modern world and publishes them, but, alas, they mostly serve to occupy the Postmodernists' fireplaces.

Sam: Tends Frodo's garden, right outside the English countryside cottage. Holding with Frodo's view of modern culture, he does not often venture outside the property boundries and therefore brews his own beer in the garden shed.

Pippin: Runs his own pub in Scotland.

Merry: Owns a large estate in London and serves in Parliment. Often visits Pippin's pub to argue politics with the other patrons.

Aragorn: A History Channel addict. Also does Civil War re-enactments, but is often chastised for getting carried away (many a rebel soldier is thankful that the bayonettes are not really sharp). He teaches Medieval history at the local college and gives sword lessons on the side.

Gimli: Runs a fine jewlery shop. His wares attract many a thief, but they usually don't walk out of his shop with as many limbs as they had when they entered.

Legolas: Serves as a guide to novice hikers in the Appalachian Mountains. They often complain of meager meals of crackers and long, restless treks. Fitness freaks love him.

Boromir: Teaches political science on the same campus as Aragorn. Often rants on the injustice of monarchies and shakes his fist at Aragorn whenever they pass in the "hallowed halls" of the university.

Gandalf: President of the college where Aragorn and Boromir teach. Also has a class on logic (most students fail miserably). Promotes Frodo's literature on the evils of Postmodernism. His house is often toliet-papered by the Postmodernist students.

Saruman: Is president of his own college (there is a huge rivalry between his campus and Gandalf's, marked by intense football games). Most students think he is colorblind, but he really loves his suits of many colors...

Sauron: Runs a nuclear power plant. Doesn't put much investment into saftey regulations (he secretly hopes for a nice, big explosion). Burn's Frodo's literature by the truckload while laughing manically. Also boos Gandalf's football team and cheers Saruman's (and makes massive contributions to Saruman's college; several buildings are named after him).

[ September 21, 2002: Message edited by: ElanorGamgee ]