What about a "Idiots guide to learning elvish"
or "The dummy's guide to sindarin"
or "How to control the one ring for dummies"
something like that
and i'd like a suit of sauron's armor
and the mace that sauron used in TFOTR, that does the shockwave thingie that really works
and some of that entwash, like mouthwash, but it makes you taller!
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