[ElanorGamgee]

Sam: "Um, Rosie, will ya marry me?"

Rosie: "Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry, but I love someone else..."

Sam: "Augh! No! It's Pippin, isn't it? I never trusted that wooly-pated little twerp!"

Rosie: "Pip? No way!"

Sam: "Then it's Merry! Don't tell me you'd take up with a drunk like him!"

Rosie: "No, it's not Merry..."

Sam: "Then it's Frodo! Didn't know you liked older men. Don't you know he's over the hill already?"

Rosie: "Not Frodo..."

Sam: "Stop messing with my mind! Who is it? Not old Bilbo?"

Rosie: "Bilbo? Are you kidding me? I love...Smeágol."

*Gollum crawls out from behind some bushes*

Gollum: "We loves Rosie, yesss, precious. We is much better than the nasssty, cross, cruel Hobbit."

Sam: "What?!? Oh, come on. This has to be a joke. I thought we got rid of this little creep back in Mount Doom!"

Gollum: "Nassty Hobitses doesn't lose us that easily, no, precious."

*Frodo, Pippin, and Merry stroll up*

Frodo: "Hey, Smeág, long time, no see. Gimmie five, bud!"

*Frodo and Gollum high-five*

Sam: "This creep stole my girlfriend!"

Pippin: "Way to go, Slinker! So, when's the wedding?"

Gollum: "Next Saturday, precious. All nassty Hobbitses invited, even the cross one. We has fissh at the reception. RSVP."

Frodo: "I'll have to give you one of my toasters as a gift."

Sam: "I can't believe this! No one cares about me! I'm the hero's best friend, for crying out loud!"

Pippin: "Aw, shut up and look for a new girlfriend. I don't think Widow Rumble is dating anyone..."

Sam: "That's it, I've had enough!"

*Sam stomps away and sulks in his garden*