[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Aragorn (coronation speech, wearing bobble hat): Follow your dreams; you can reach your goals; I'm living proof.

Denethor: Man I'm bummed out. Anyone got a joint?

Faramir: Tell you what, lads: you ambush the Haradrim and I'll stay here and make us a nice cup of tea.

Legolas: Tree? What tree? *walks into huge and hoary oak*

Sam to Galadriel: *raises eyebrow* A box of dirt. That was worth travelling hundreds of miles for. I don't suppose you've got any other rubbish you'd like me to take off your hands while I'm at it.

Tom Bombadil: Before you leave, my lads, I'll just relate my life story, in case you have any questions-o.

Galadriel: Does my bum look big in this gown?

Eowyn: I'm afraid I'm quite hopeless at all these men's games. I'll just stay here and darn your socks, father.

Gollum: Raw fish? Does we look Japanese, precious?

Mouth of Sauron at the Morannon: Now listen and listen good because it's only coming once. We surrender. Unconditionally. Sorry to have taken up your time. Sorry. Sorry.

Sauron: Mouth, that is as ridiculous as that idea you had that they might send a couple of hobbits through Cirith Ungol to chuck the Ring into the Sammath Naur. Now go and prepare my ceremonial tutu.