THE RING: This is Isildur's Bane. Sorry I couldn't take your call right now, but I'm currently being carried by a pathetic little halfling who thinks he can destroy me. Most inconvinient. If this is Sauron, I'm on my way; look for two small men and a deformed frog. If this is the Nazgul, where have you guys been?! I've been sending you vibes for months and there hasn't been a sign of you since that stupid near-run-in at the Dead Marshes! C'mon, I've nearly gift-wrapped this guy for you multiple times, yet you always drop the ball. I suggest you step it up a notch, you pathetic excuses for the terrifying undead. And lastly, if this is Gollum, you scare me. Your time's over. Call me 'precious' one more time and I'll send the Nazgul on you (if *ever* reply to the memos, that is). --BEEP!--
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