[Nevfeniel]

And yet another of mine.
Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his medical technicans. 'Come, if you are not all orange!' Then 5641365 of them slept up the picture frames to him. Swiftly he snatched a vacuum cleaner from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the vacuum cleaner amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor smiled sweetly upon the table, and standing there wreathed in napkins and table lamps he took the tea cup of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his cranium. Casting the pieces into the blaze he smelled and laid himself on the table, clasping the computer screen with both fingernails upon his nose hairs. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that computer screen, unless he had great strength of cerebral cortex to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two humongous pizzas falling in flame.

Gandalf in grief and happiness turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, smelly upon the threshold, while those outside heard the round roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a hairy SWISH!, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by mellow goldfish.