The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum - View Single Post - PJ on trial for 'Crimes against Tolkienity !

**lindil** · 12-14-2003, 01:46 AM

Judge: Order! ORDER!!ORDER!!! *gavel pounds furiosly* SGT., you have the liberty to remove anyone who so much as breathes to loud for the next several minutes!

Thank you. Now first off Mr. Saucepan, as much as it may suprise you, I intend to be very impartial, I will not be the jury here, the good citizens of the Barrow-Downs, such as yourself, shall be.
Yes, I have my biases and they are well known, and indeed I have taken the trouble to have the three perpetrators kidnapped and locked in a cyber-set, this very barrow, which they refused to have in their films, but, despite all of that I intend to give them a fair trial. YOu will note if you search the Movies Forum, that in fact I gave the Theatrical LotR a B, the Extended Fellowship of the Ring an A- [on a generous day I admit] and the theatrical TTT a D [I believe] and a the Ext TTT a C-.

I would say that averages out to High C or low B. What you may have noticed more however is the lack of nmercy I have for the many and troubling gratuitous changes and outright fabrications of plot and character.
*the Judge pauses for a few moments before continuing, with a perplexing and almost one would say devious smile...*

I will agree to your condition... *The assembled citizens both pro and con gasp...*

... of resigning, on two conditions.

1- That the Barrow Wight himself, asks me to step aside and appoints some one who, he believes is more 'impartial' in this matter.
Also, as a second point, I would ask that if I am to step aside, that the aforesaid Chief Wight in residence also plainly state his veiws re: the said films so any bias he must surely have be known insofar as it pertains to a posiible replacement decision.

*many in the crowd chuckle at the slyness of the judges request being reminded of Thingol sending Beren off on the 'hopeless quest of the Silmarill' realizing that the BW's opinion on the movie is seemingly a very closely guarded secret, and that he would probably hesitate to even post in such an unauthorized kidnapping/trial.

Subtly seeming atease with himself the Judge continues *

So until the beloved [if four star rated [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] ] founder makes an appearance to personally appoint someone more objective, all further motions of Judicial replacement are to be suspended.

*PJ and co. look downcast and mumble to their lawyer, who looks around the room rather feverishly perhaps hoping for a bold and rapid appearance of the Barrow Wight himself.*

Now to answer Citizen Everdawns questions regarding the nature of this court.

I believe the words Ad Hoc, best describe it.
It was called due to popular outrage in more shall we say rarified circles of Tolkienity wherein was discussed the fact that JRRT's son and personally designated Literary Executor has denied or at least as far as reports have it, yet to acceed to a re-making of The Hobbit. I urge Everdawn and anyone else with a fancy to visit the thread that inspired this trial here

Now as regards the other business before the court your petition to serve as Co-Counsel this is of course up to Mr. Jackson, The Court has no objections.

*Mr Jackson heatedly discusses with his lawyer, who it seems is cautioning that all may not be as it seems here, that in fact Ms. Everdawn could be a Purist plant. After sometime an agreement seems to be reached.

Mr. Jackson's anonymouss and hitherto faceless and nameless attorney one Kohr Pratt Stooge has encouraged his client to accept for at least a short probationary period the services of said Citizen Everdawn.*

KP Stooge: With Your Honours permission we would ak that she beallowed to tkae her place at the defenses table.

*Everdawn takes her place next to KP Stooge and Mr. Jackson, she blushes with a certain youthful wonder at sitting so close to PJ who ter her is nearly as mythical a figure as JRRT himself.*

JudgeNow, as the Court has taken care of the more urgent matters we may return to the rest of Mr. Saucepan Man's remarks.

A] As regards Artisitic License, I believe my dear Citizen Saucepan Man that you are somewhat confused by the License which any paurist will gladly grant any director of a film of JRR Tolkiens.

Few you will have noted have quibbled much about Frodo's age, or even silliness of the Ring being inscribed on the outside.

With regard to Frod, generally everyone, purists included agree that Elijah was indeed the person for the job, age be da**ed.

The Ring Inscription, we can all, I belive, live with such a minor annoyance. However Faramir?! *and here the Judges voice rises noticibly* Aragorn as reluctant Queen!?, Arwen as Glorfindel?! Gimli as jester?! Denethor as a pure cad, without as eyewitness have reported, the Palantir to help explain his pride and arrogance?! It is with these sort of weight distortions of the Book of the Century that we are hear to weigh in the Balance of Justice and see if those aspects which are worthy are indeed enough to let Mr. Jackson present The Hobbit.

We have heard a few comments re: Eye colour and hair colour and such but we trust that all here concerned are in full realization that said comments may well have been made with the Lamba firmly in Ando. In this light let all here know...

*and at this PJ breaks out into a discernible sweat and has a confused look on his large and bearded face. *

Judge continues.. that we are interested in prosecuting those offenses against the Canon which were willful, and deemed to be completely unnecessary.

Your aforementioned Wargs are a perfect case in point Citizen Saucepan.

I will henceforth be far more vigilant at rejecting weak and superficial arguments such as eye and hair color from being submitted as infractions, since as all purists know, there are probably hundreds of offenses of a more repulsive and pernicious nature.

As regards your point of not believing there is demonstrable harm or Loss, I have only this to say. Do you now when you read the books, do so without any impression of the movies whatsoever? You may take your time in answering, my dear Citizen Saucepan.

*The Prosecutor Lord of Angmar Stands up and speaks*Lord of Angmar:
Your Honour if I may be permitted to address the court with an astonisheing bit of news!

Judge: It pleases the court, do proceed.

Lord of Angmar:*looking excited and flustered* Your Honour i ahve just receivrd word via Osanwe that CJR Tolkien would like to testify in a few days time!

*Absolute pandomonium erupts!!!! The court goes wild. Peter jackson, Fran pass out cold, and Phillipa shrieks and is heard to utter [only by those very close] 'but our changeres were ne...ne...cessary, she then begins sobbing uncontrolably, Everdawn seeks to comfort her, but she seems to have passed into a state of shock and looks catatonically into space.*

Judge: Sgt. Clear the Courtroom we will take a recess for a period of one hour.

*The pandamonium continues unabated*

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 2:58 AM December 14, 2003: Message edited by: lindil ]

12-14-2003, 01:46 AM	#22
lindil Seeker of the Straight Path Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: a hidden fastness in Big Valley nor cal Posts: 1,680	Judge: Order! ORDER!!ORDER!!! gavel pounds furiosly SGT., you have the liberty to remove anyone who so much as breathes to loud for the next several minutes! Thank you. Now first off Mr. Saucepan, as much as it may suprise you, I intend to be very impartial, I will not be the jury here, the good citizens of the Barrow-Downs, such as yourself, shall be. Yes, I have my biases and they are well known, and indeed I have taken the trouble to have the three perpetrators kidnapped and locked in a cyber-set, this very barrow, which they refused to have in their films, but, despite all of that I intend to give them a fair trial. YOu will note if you search the Movies Forum, that in fact I gave the Theatrical LotR a B, the Extended Fellowship of the Ring an A- [on a generous day I admit] and the theatrical TTT a D [I believe] and a the Ext TTT a C-. I would say that averages out to High C or low B. What you may have noticed more however is the lack of nmercy I have for the many and troubling gratuitous changes and outright fabrications of plot and character. the Judge pauses for a few moments before continuing, with a perplexing and almost one would say devious smile... I will agree to your condition... The assembled citizens both pro and con gasp... ... of resigning, on two conditions. 1- That the Barrow Wight himself, asks me to step aside and appoints some one who, he believes is more 'impartial' in this matter. Also, as a second point, I would ask that if I am to step aside, that the aforesaid Chief Wight in residence also plainly state his veiws re: the said films so any bias he must surely have be known insofar as it pertains to a posiible replacement decision. many in the crowd chuckle at the slyness of the judges request being reminded of Thingol sending Beren off on the 'hopeless quest of the Silmarill' realizing that the BW's opinion on the movie is seemingly a very closely guarded secret, and that he would probably hesitate to even post in such an unauthorized kidnapping/trial. Subtly seeming atease with himself the Judge continues So until the beloved [if four star rated [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] ] founder makes an appearance to personally appoint someone more objective, all further motions of Judicial replacement are to be suspended. PJ and co. look downcast and mumble to their lawyer, who looks around the room rather feverishly perhaps hoping for a bold and rapid appearance of the Barrow Wight himself. Now to answer Citizen Everdawns questions regarding the nature of this court. I believe the words Ad Hoc, best describe it. It was called due to popular outrage in more shall we say rarified circles of Tolkienity wherein was discussed the fact that JRRT's son and personally designated Literary Executor has denied or at least as far as reports have it, yet to acceed to a re-making of The Hobbit. I urge Everdawn and anyone else with a fancy to visit the thread that inspired this trial here Now as regards the other business before the court your petition to serve as Co-Counsel this is of course up to Mr. Jackson, The Court has no objections. Mr Jackson heatedly discusses with his lawyer, who it seems is cautioning that all may not be as it seems here, that in fact Ms. Everdawn could be a Purist plant. After sometime an agreement seems to be reached. Mr. Jackson's anonymouss and hitherto faceless and nameless attorney one Kohr Pratt Stooge has encouraged his client to accept for at least a short probationary period the services of said Citizen Everdawn. KP Stooge: With Your Honours permission we would ak that she beallowed to tkae her place at the defenses table. Everdawn takes her place next to KP Stooge and Mr. Jackson, she blushes with a certain youthful wonder at sitting so close to PJ who ter her is nearly as mythical a figure as JRRT himself. JudgeNow, as the Court has taken care of the more urgent matters we may return to the rest of Mr. Saucepan Man's remarks. A] As regards Artisitic License, I believe my dear Citizen Saucepan Man that you are somewhat confused by the License which any paurist will gladly grant any director of a film of JRR Tolkiens. Few you will have noted have quibbled much about Frodo's age, or even silliness of the Ring being inscribed on the outside. With regard to Frod, generally everyone, purists included agree that Elijah was indeed the person for the job, age be da*ed. The Ring Inscription, we can all, I belive, live with such a minor annoyance. However Faramir?! and here the Judges voice rises noticibly* Aragorn as reluctant Queen!?, Arwen as Glorfindel?! Gimli as jester?! Denethor as a pure cad, without as eyewitness have reported, the Palantir to help explain his pride and arrogance?! It is with these sort of weight distortions of the Book of the Century that we are hear to weigh in the Balance of Justice and see if those aspects which are worthy are indeed enough to let Mr. Jackson present The Hobbit. We have heard a few comments re: Eye colour and hair colour and such but we trust that all here concerned are in full realization that said comments may well have been made with the Lamba firmly in Ando. In this light let all here know... and at this PJ breaks out into a discernible sweat and has a confused look on his large and bearded face. Judge continues.. that we are interested in prosecuting those offenses against the Canon which were willful, and deemed to be completely unnecessary. Your aforementioned Wargs are a perfect case in point Citizen Saucepan. I will henceforth be far more vigilant at rejecting weak and superficial arguments such as eye and hair color from being submitted as infractions, since as all purists know, there are probably hundreds of offenses of a more repulsive and pernicious nature. As regards your point of not believing there is demonstrable harm or Loss, I have only this to say. Do you now when you read the books, do so without any impression of the movies whatsoever? You may take your time in answering, my dear Citizen Saucepan. The Prosecutor Lord of Angmar Stands up and speaksLord of Angmar: Your Honour if I may be permitted to address the court with an astonisheing bit of news! Judge: It pleases the court, do proceed. Lord of Angmar:looking excited and flustered Your Honour i ahve just receivrd word via Osanwe that CJR Tolkien would like to testify in a few days time! Absolute pandomonium erupts!!!! The court goes wild. Peter jackson, Fran pass out cold, and Phillipa shrieks and is heard to utter [only by those very close] 'but our changeres were* ne...ne...cessary, she then begins sobbing uncontrolably, Everdawn seeks to comfort her, but she seems to have passed into a state of shock and looks catatonically into space.* Judge: Sgt. Clear the Courtroom we will take a recess for a period of one hour. The pandamonium continues unabated <font size=1 color=339966>[ 2:58 AM December 14, 2003: Message edited by: lindil ] __________________ The dwindling Men of the West would often sit up late into the night exchanging lore & wisdom such as they still possessed that they should not fall back into the mean estate of those who never knew or indeed rebelled against the Light.