slang LOTR
 

i was thinking, as theres people here from all over the world, we could make lotr in hundreds of different styles!

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this is Caradhras (abridged and paraphrased) in Eastenders style:

"I reckon that Sauron'll be keepin' an eye (get it? an eye!) on the Red'orn Gate. We better get goin', soon as. Orright?" said Gandalf"

"Yeah 'K then mate. But I'll tell yer somefin' for nofin'- I've been 'round this gaff before an' it's gonna be brass monkeys up there, Gazza me old china. We oughta take some've that wood, innit. Won't do no good if we're secret but brown bread, will it?" said Boromir.

"Yeah, yeah. But we don't use 'less we 'ave ta, right"

The geezers went up the bloody 'uge mountain, right, an' it got more an' more parky, yeah, wiv the wind 'owlin' an all. And then it even started snowin' innit.

"Blinkin' 'eck Mr Frodo guv" went Sam "I don't reckon much to this. I wish this snow'd just get goin' up 'Obbiton way, innit. They might like it up there."

Hey, cool!
~~~~~~~~

"Na mate, can't let ye pass. 'Gaisnt company pollisy." said Gandalf.

"'Lright mate, only doin ma job, ya kno." said the Balrog.

Imagine the book in all that old english spelling...I mean it was hard enough not to fall asleep while reading when written this way but imagine having to decode all that nonsense!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Imagine if this happened in the book:
Frodo:Thine hille be past yonder foreste
Pippin:Say what?
Sam:LOL!
Merry:Like, what's so funny?
Frodo:Prithee where art thoue mushrooms?
Sam:?
Pippin:Seriously, how can you say a question mark
Merry:Totally dude!
Frodo:Whither wandereth thine ponye bill?
Sam:?
Merry:Like,huh?
maybe it's just my weird sense of humor but that's odd...

Imagine LotR in chat-style writing! [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

<Sam> gollum i h8 u! go away
<Frodo> sam, gollumz kewl. hes helpin us get 2 mordor! w/o him wed be lost
<Gollum> i h8ssss u 2, u stoopid fat hobbit!

[img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Chatspeak? Here's an AOL chat version of the poem Gandalf wrote describing Aragorn in his letter to Frodo:

AL TAHT IS GOLD DOES NOT GLITER
NOT AL THOSE WHO WANDER R LOST TEH OLD TAHT IS STRONG DO3S NOT WITHER
DEP ROTS R NOT RAACHAD BY FROST!!!1 OMG *** LOL

FROM DA ASHES A FIER SHAL B WOK3N
A LIGHT FROM DA SHADOWS SHAL SPRNG
RANEWED SHAL B BLAED TAHT WAS BROKEN DA CROWNLES AGANE SHAL B KNG
1!!! ***

LOL!!!

<pippin> Hey M, guess wat
<merry> waddaya want pip
<pippin> im hungry man lets get sum food from sum1
<aragorn> bug off lil man im not givin u any of my food

I Gibberish

Aragorn; Bithergy mithergy lithergife othergor dithergeth ithergi withergill sithergave yithergou, ithergi withergill. Yithergou hithergave mithergi sithergword.

Legolas: Athergand mithergy bithergow!

Gimili: Athergand mithergi athergx!

penn um huh?

dude, it makes one realise what gibberish we speak nowadays. i don't even chat and i say "ROFL" in daily language!!!! wierd oddness man.

What about zee french accent?

Zee road goes ever on and on
right from zee door where it began,
oui oui mon cherie, n´est-ce pas?

Tu foul d´un tuque!
(You fool of a Took)

Pig Latin!

Boromir: "O-nay one-ay oul-shay ander-way alone-ay, ou-yay east-lay of-ay all-ay. O-say" (... can you seeee... oh, wait...) "uch-may epends-day on-ay ou-yay. Odo-fray?"

Hm....how about unbelievably stiffly formal?

Merry: That was simply a rapid journey and a different way than the one which was designated.
Sam: May I ask, a differently designated way to what object or place?
Pippin: I believe that it was in the direction of several fungus related edible objects.

á la Save the last dance:

Sam: Hey yo, man, that stuff ain´t cool man.
Gollum: Yo, don´t tell me what´ssssss cool, you ain´t cool man, preciousssssss man!

Ebonics:

Sam: Yo Gollum, I gonna bust a cap in yo'***
Frodo: Chill, yo. He be ma homie.
Sam: I'm not down wit him, yo

Redneck Speak:

Sam:Well I ain't gonna trust that there varmit.
Frodo: This here varmit gonna lead us down to Texas. Everythin' in Texas is big.
Sam: Well I still don't trust him, the filthy varmit. I shoulda brought my ol' pickup & my gun.

Cockney:

Sam: Well Mr. Frodo it's a right lovely day out, h'it is.
Frodo: Blimey, it is.
Sam: An' that bloody Gollum bet'er stay out of our way, in't that right, Mr. Frodo?

Valley Girl Speak:

Sam: OMG!!!! That Gollum is all, like, ugly!
FRodo: Whatever. He's totally my friend
Sam: Like, get w/ it! He's totally not your friend, girlfriend!!

Feanor in Redneck speak:

Gotta go way from Valnor t'get mie shiny thangs back from Melkoe and aint none of you Vaylar is gonna stop mae!

Another Girlie one:

Frodo: OMG!! Gandalf is, like, dead!
Aragorn: Really?! OMG!! And he was like so totally hot!
Frodo: I knoooooow!
Aragorn: That is like so totally stupid, I mean, we´re like so totally lost without him.

A la The Osbournes:
*after hitting Preview button*
hmmmmmmmmm Maybe not.......
[img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

I just thoyght of another one:
A Jamaican Gollum

Yo Preciousss Maan, You came to me maan

Lotr without the help of hooked on Phonics!

Frodo:gatta get the shiny thingy here to that big ole' place in the mountains, i's here it be full o' fire! ya's can't kum with meh sammie, it be to dangerful!

Sam:that there wizzy man tole me nots to leave ya's mer. fodo! i's want to, butt uncle ganddy-alf says he's gun turn me to a forg!!!

Frodo: then, i's is better be happyful you be with meh!