Tolkien Action figures you won't find in stores.
 

I don't mean your typical Tolkien figure of Aragorn, with his sword Elendil, and a sword chopping action. I'm talking about action figures that will never be come out, because they could be unsafe, or just plain out whacky.

Denethor-Box includes a 8 inch figure of Denethor, lighter fluid, and a box of matches.

Ancalagon- An Ancalagon figurine with fire-breathing action.

Glorfindel- A Glorfindel figurine with a throw Arwen off my horse action.

Have fun creating the cooky, strange, and dangerous toys that you don't want to give your kids :eek: .

I've got rather a lot of these figures, and some of them are funny in their own right. As an example is Galadriel, who does not look like Galadriel, and her 'feature' is that you can 'pose' her. Hours of fun, no?

I did want them to make a 'Bungee-jump Denethor', rather like one of those modern Action Man dolls, complete with elastic rope and 'living flame' effect.

An 'existential angst Sauron' would be good - his feature could be mind-reading and causing intense distress unless you kept it in a locked cupboard where it couldn't 'see' you.

Or a 'Breaking the Light Saruman'? Complete with guide to causing theological chaos. Could be quite educational, that one.

Live-action Arwen, complete with a sharp embroidery needle, including gold and silver threads - the ultimate heroine for girl book fans! :D

How about a talking plush Bombadil for babies? You squeeze it and it says "Ring a ding dillo!"

Tom Bombadil (TM) complete with gag. Will sing incessenctly upon removal of gag, as used by the CIA and FBI to induce confessions. Will magically disappear in presence of a 'Peter Jackson' (TM) doll.

I like all the ideas so far!

Frodo with Ring action. When Frodo puts on the Ring he disappears, problem is you have trouble finding him again :confused: .

or how about a PJ doll with changeable stuff, from a Dunlanding to a Corsair to....whatever else he was in the movie

In keeping with the current CbC discussion, how about an Entwife doll.

Open the box and ... surprise, surprise ... it's empty! [*groan*] :rolleyes:

You're forgetting Boromir the Disco King! Complete with Disco ball and a lavender leisure suit!

And then there's the Legolas Barbie. You can really comb his long, blonde hair! Plus, there's real makeup that you can use too!

Or how about an Ulmo figure? He's one of those ones that wind up and can swim in the bathtub.

There's the Erkenbrand and Beregond action figures, because really; who cares? :rolleyes:

A Frolijah doll with :rolleyes: action.

Elrond doll with exlax. I think with all that "I hate everyone" talk, and sweating in the movies, Elrond needs to relieve some stress.

How about a Tickle-Me Ulmo? rimshot

And what about Eowyn the Disco Queen? Comes with Fog Machine™ and bell bottom jeans. :D

Hey, Gil-Galad, check this out: PJ's Cameos

Not really an Action Figure, but how about an Eye of Sauron Nightlight? Or an Orthanc hat rack? The realm for LotR related furniture and appliances is endless!

Abedithon le,

~ Saphy ~

Or to revive an old joke, with specific reference to the Films

Action Man - the M.I.A. range.

Glorfindel
Gildor
Imrahil
etc

I don't have children but I do have vast numbers of children to buy for ( I am starting to sympathise with Carrie in SATC when she realises how much money she has spent on other peoples weddings and children over the years :D ). some are adorable, others are so scary I won't be left alone with them and I am sure the latter would enjoy:

As an alternative to Sea Monkeys, "Grow your own orcs" kit (complete with slime).


Radio- controlled mumakil (guaranteed to trash the house and complete with real arrow firing action and very sharp tusks).

"Shadowfax" rocking horse - will throw off anyone who tries to ride it (except Gandalf).

Flying balrog - fix to ceiling and watch out for the whip....

A Lobelia Barbie.

Balrog transformer. With or without wings.

New Toys!
 

Now, introducing the new Turin Turumbar action figure! A curse to all who harbor him, your house is certain to fall down in ruin within days of bringing him home. He also can tell what factory other toys were made in and will attempt to breed with any toy from the same factory as himself.

And who wouldn't want Celeborn with gift-giving action? Celeborn strolls around tossing random gifts to other action figures, unless they are a dwarf. Celeborn tends to pop the heads off dwarf figurines unless a Galadriel figure is there to restrain him.

And no Tolkien collection would be complete without Smeagol/Gollum. It's like two toys in one! Just press the button on his back to transform him. Both modes have their own advantages. Smeagol features Deagol-strangling action. Gollum tells riddles and tries to kill you if you answer incorrectly.
(a note from the manufacturer: you should keep an eye on the toy when in Gollum mode- it has a tendency to trip and fall into every large, open pit it gets too close to)

This made me laugh...eheh. Sapphire_Flame I'm trying to think of why it would include, but all I'm gettting is a "Toss and Tickle-Me Ulmo." Not quite as funny.

"And now you too can get the Ernie the Oliphaunt action figure. He even makes real Oliphaunt sounds and demolishes any convertible that Legolas Barbie would come with. Want to impress your friends, want to step on their action figures? Then get Ernie the Oliphaunt this Christmas."

Okeydokey... What I would never buy my prospective children that do not exist and will not for some number of years:

Prince Imrahil with complimentary Bouquet of Forget-Me-Nots. And shiny cape.

Hal...dir... er um... barad... With Grey Company Retaking Action and Subdued [non-sparkly] Armor.

Bossy Bombadil with Ludicrous Pet Naming Action! Buy him at a PetSmart near you!

Bar-room Pippen with Pint-Sloshing Action. Really says the words "Sure I know Frodo, he's over there! See? Him. Hey FRODO! This guy in a black cape wants to talk to you."

Xenarwen with Ayayayayay Action.

Fea

You could have a Ringbearer Gift Set, including Frodo, Sam and Gollum, but with a twist, it could include an exclusive, in this set only, not available separately (apart from e-bay) Mount Doom. This would be like those splendidly dangerous chemistry sets you used to get way back when toys really were fun (and potentially lethal), with its own mini bunsen burner, easily explodable test tubes and some chemical that would give the appearance of magma. It would burn a hole in the living room carpet, but hey-ho!

What about, for the really serious collector, Barrow-Downer action figures? Mine would be space-cadet Lalwende with breaking the light action feature.

I don't think I can view this thread much longer, I'm cracking up so bad I might bust a spleen, or an appendix. Tickle-me-Ulmo, haha.

In that case, how about a HerenIstarion the Munificent™ figure with thread bumping action. He is programmed to recognise clever remarks, which cause him to wave his magic repping wand. :D

Or a Barrow-Wight™ figure with thread deleting action, programmed to make a wry comment when you say something stupid. Oh, and he glows green in the dark.


Hmm, sounds like she would be a Bratz doll. I know all about Bratz. My daughter has moved on from Barbie ... :rolleyes:

Hahaha... HerenIstarion... hilarious.

What about.... Oath-giving Feanor with Kinslaying Action? Don't give it to family members for Christmas! :D

Fea

Edit: Saucepan: If it helps... I just spent a weekend with TEN girls who have moved on from Barbies to Bratz.

Wow, we could use a whole thread on these alone! :D
But how about:

The new Saucepan Man figure, programmed to spew forth angry and colorful adjectives when the word 'warg' is spoken within a 10 foot radius! (additional saucepan hats sold separately)

The Phantom figure, with Nebraska flag-raising action!

How about a Gandalf doll, complete with flashlight ability that will chase away the scary evil things that live under your child's bed during the night.

Or an educational Ghan-buri-Ghan doll that teaches the benefits of good posture. This doll is packaged with a set of glasses designed to encourage milk consumption, thus warding off osteoporosis.

How about a Bill the Pony that can find its way to the toybox from where ever your forgetful child might leave it laying!

Let's not forget the frowned upon...

Mahal™, Inc. created their ripoff of the Barbie™, called the Gimlie™. These short, hairy figures did not please the head of Mattel™. He threatened a lawsuit, but the Gimlies™ exploded in popularity almost overnight and have become a good companion seller for the Legolas™ Barbie™, which incidentally also received a raise in popularity. The head of Mattel™ eventually bought out Mahal™, Inc. and mass-produced the Gimlie™.
One of the original seven prototypes, DurKen™, sold on eBay™ for a whopping $45,000™.


I'd buy an Oddwen™ Barrow-downer. Pull a string, and she'll say something disparaging about Orlando Bloom, herself, her job, or Mike! Then she'll say something wildly mildly amusing! And she'll start mumbling about who knows what, and won't stop until you run over her with your car!

well Barrowdowners Action Figure is a great idea, i won't characterize myself, i'll leave that to you oh wacky downers you...

Lalwende, you really must start that thread. :)

How about the most depressing action figure you could get? The Mandos doll. Accurately predicts everything bad that will soon happen to you, but tells the stories in riddles so you can do nothing to change it.

Alternatively, Vaire actually does sound like a doll that little girls would like. Unfortunately, the anthropomorphism would cause furious debates in the household, thus leaving the parents with no option but to dispose of the doll to restore peace. It would be a Balrog-esque scenario. I still remember my drunken grandfather ruining another Christmas by arguing against wings... ;)

If you are thinking about buying the Movie Eomer action figure don't. You'll either get nothing at all or any other person from Rohan except Eomer. :(

Oh and the Gothmog doll, you don't have to do anything to him, he's just down right ugly to begin with.

Lal, yes you should start that thread :D .

You know what I would buy if they sold them would be a "Fell Beast" made of rubber on a bouncy string. Like a giant spider, you can hang them and make high pitched noises when you toss them at people. Can you imagine?

Oh, and if there were a Legolas Barbie, he would need his prince counterpart...wait, he's already a prince...so he needs a...princess/big sister counterpart? But she would wear the colourful board shorts and come with way too much product in her short, styled hair? Gah, this is confusing.

Available now at Tack-key novelties the three stone troll dolls set! And a Witch-King action-figure that stabs people who wear gold rings; also with authentic nazgul shriek! Or how about a Denethor cigarette lighter? Just press the button and Denethor goes up in flames! As a bonus for the purists he is clutching a palantir. Also for those grouchy purists (A pox on them.:mad: Gibbets and crows! We could have had Arwen at Helms Deep or Minas Tirith. Just imagine the sales of the action figures! They could have been mine! They should have been mine!!) a PJ the pirate with an arrow in his chest!

Supposedly there's a new Denethor figure out. You can feed him food and he'll spit it back out all over himself. :p

Ahh, Estel, but did you recognize the new Boromir doll out, the one full of holes ;) .

I love the Denethor ideas! Personally I'd want him to be one of those action figures who has laser eyes that can detect fire or heat, so he automatically walks over to it and throws himself in. Would be very handy if something was burning in the kitchen.

And like Sapphire's nightlights and hat racks: not quite an action figure, but some sort of doorbell attachment in the shape of an Elf/Hobbit/Bombadil - take your pick- which sings their respective songs when the doorbell is rung, or shouts insults at the caller, whichever you feel suits your hospitality.

A Meela action figure? I suppose she comes as a bonus with the Denethor action figure. If he's malfunctioning, she'll pour the lighter fluid on for him.

I always wanted a Lothlorien set, which not only included action figures, but a forest scene with hidden flets, trap doors in trees with little slides inside the trunks, bushes that slide to one side and have elves jump out at you, and a light-up flet for Galadriel and Celeborn.

NEW! NEW NEW NEW!!! Middle-earth™ playscapes! Now you, too can re-create the drowning of Númenor™ in your very own bathtub!
(Ships of Elendil™ and swimming Tickle-Me-Ulmo™ sold seperately)
BUY THEM NOW! FREE SHIPPING!

It's the new FIGWIT ACTION FIGURE! WITH NOSTRIL-FLARING ACTION! Press his hand to hear actual movie lines, such as:
"...."
"....."
"...?..."
"...*raise eyebrows*..."


Or the amazing FRODO CHIA PET! Plants grow on his head and feet.

The "Light-N-Sound" Morgul Blade. Turn your friends into Nasgul with realistic lights and sounds. (*Manufacturer is not responsible for loss of soul or transformation into enslaved undead creatures.)

A "Tickle Me Gollum" doll. (Sorry to the Tickle Me Ulmo folks.) With 25 words and phrases:
"It ticklesses us, preciouss!"
"ACK! Good master stopsss tickling us, yess?"
"NOOO! STOP! SHIIIRE! BAAAAGIIIIIIINSSSS!"
"If it touchesses us once more, we'll wring its filthy neck!"

How about a "Make Me Pretty" Mumakil doll? Comes with dark eyeshadow for you and Mumakil. Heh. Sorry. I'd better stop now.

I'll never learn to stay clear of these threads when my parents are sleeping, lucky I have excellent control of my laughter reflexes, *starts giggling with hands cupped over her mouth*

Sappy the Scaredy Ent is hours of fun but be careful if you scare him he'll release syruppy sap (kind of like an octupus) all over your kid, you'll never be unsticky again. Great for waffles or French toast.

i have one more but I want to wait and see first....

I hope it's Grade A syrup ;) :p .

'Gothmog' doll that comes with a small waffle iron to add more lumps and bumps to his head. :rolleyes:

The Eowyn Barbie 'n Grima Wormtongue Ken doll-set with Meduseld dollhouse.
 

Among the exciting accessories Eowyn has a Dernhelm outfit, a talking sword* named Gurthang :eek:, and a magic horse named Windfola and Grima Wormtongue has a bottle of poison, an electric guitar*, and an evil horse named Uruk-hai!! You can also buy the transforming Theoden at a 50% discount with the coupon in the box!! The back-from-the-dead Gandalf is also available too. Also available at a 25% discount with the coupons in the box the Faramir Ken, Aragorn Ken(Eowyn's true love.) :eek: :rolleyes:, and Arwen Barbie sets all with full accessories!!!**

*Batteries not included.

**Emyn Arnen, Minas Tirith and Rivendell dollhouses sold separately.

What about Chav Gollum? I have just found this in my e-mail.


His action 'feature' could be sneaking away with preciousss ssstolen car stereos and pirated DVDsessss.