Yup, I get a ton of calls from the UK, mostly in the afternoon.

If I bought solar panels for all the spam calls I get trying to sell my solar panels, I'd be able to power spaceflight...

I also consign to Mordor spam texts--either my cell number has been released into the wild or the randomiser bot has struck gold; either way, I am now being frequently promised all sorts of endowments for my, er, manhood.

I somehow landed on the dining table of a Chinese bot which sends recorded messages, and if I don't pick up the phone it leaves them in the voicemail - which is more annoying because I have to go through the trouble of erasing them to clear the notifications on my phone. If I listened carefully to every Chinese recording I got, I would probably know the language by now, but I usually don't get past "nihau". What a waste of everybody's time - botting people who don't even speak the language of your advertisement. :rolleyes:

For a while I was trying to emulate my troll hero, James Veitch (an example of his fine work). But you can only troll live spammers, you can't troll bots with recordings! And the rare time it's a living person, they are usually not in possession of sufficient English to understand they are being trolled, and it just goes nowhere.

This scene is from Mordor.

https://twitter.com/TheMiddleborne/s...78568524943361

Galadriel never picked up a sword in any Tolkien story. Not even once. She didn't have to because her massive power and wisdom were always implied, like the power of water held by a dam. It was briefly revealed, only once, when Frodo offered her the Ring.

‘And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!’

She lifted up her hand and from the ring that she wore there issued a great light that illumined her alone and left all else dark. She stood before Frodo seeming now tall beyond measurement, and beautiful beyond enduring, terrible and worshipful.

This whole thing is just a (Marvelverse) square peg, sledgehammered into a (Middle Earth) round hole.

I assign...
 

All Snakes.- Also known as "Satan's Tape Measures" or "Nope-Ropes"

All Spiders- Yes, even the ones that 'eat harmful pests'. THEY are harmful pests.

Intense Study Of The English Language At The Age Of 10- Don't diagram the sentence any more! Just put it's mutilated corpse to rest!

Rats- You can say what you like, I still think they were responsible for the ol' Bubonic.

Ads- The others might be controversial, but we can all agree that the orcs deserve to be interupted every 90 seconds by The Mouth of Sauron's ad for re-election.

The Legolas-Tauriel-Kili Love Triangle- This one needs no explanation.

The Mithril Subplot- I was going to just assign Rings of Power, but I don't really want to offend people who might have enjoyed it (after all, I enjoyed Peter Jackson's The Hobbit movies), so I will just assign my most disliked part. I mean, think about it. It would be like if someone said:

A: "We are all dying from cancer, but I have the cure.... It's gold!"

B: "Well, okay. It seems kind of odd that a generic metal, however valuable, just happens to cure cancer. But this is going to save thousands of lives! So let's get busy. I mean we are going to need to adminster this cure to the entire population. Wait, are we going to inject them or do they eat it."

A: "Uh, neither. They just have to be exposed to it. Bathed in it's light."

B: "Okay, that's a bit strange. But, great! Wait, what about the people who have already been around gold?"

A: "Well, I guess they are good to go."

*some time later*

B: "We don't have enough gold. We just have this one little piece. So, I am thinking we just line 'em up and hold it up, they just walk by and Bam! Immune to cancer!"

A: ... Orrrrr, we could just forge like, three rings or something, and three of us get one and Bam! Immune!

B: Oh, yes. Three of us having golden rings will definitely cure the entire population of cancer.