Sauron on Trial!
 

Well, here is another game for you to get involved in! It's quite simple, really.

Imagine, for a moment, that Sauron had been captured rather than destroyed. His armies are all gone or dead or melted. He is put on trial and has decided to represent himself.

So, in a trial, what would Sauron say or do at his trial?

Here's what I think:

- Is that a wig?

- What murders?

- Yeah, and I’ll kill you too.

- Wait - did I say guilty?!? Guilty means ‘didn’t do it’, right?

- Where did you buy your hammer, your honour? I find you can do a lot more damage with a claw-head hammer... oops.

- I just did it for a laugh. Where’s your sense of humour?

- Twanngggg! Bwaaaaaaang! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanggggg!

What do you think?

Sauron: Sorry, Elessar! You got the trick instead of the treat!

"Get real and join my cause!"

"I like Pink Floyd."

"Immortality for free, no pun intended."

"Alright, I'll admit I did it, but only if you dance like a duck!"

"Come on! Don't tell me you never wanted to play toss the Dwarf into Mount doom?"

Your Honor, I was under the influence (of the ring), therefore it is manslaughter not murder!

"Well, someone had to do something to help spark the greatest story of all time...

--It's only because I'm Maia isn't it?

--No it was the evil orc henchmen that were really at fault. What could I do against him...he gave such vicious noogies.

- I think he'd put his hands over his ears and close his eye(s?) saying, "La la la! I can't hear you! I can't see you! You don't exist! You can't hurt me! La la la la!"

- Shout "Wahey!" as he comes in

- He'll keep telling the Judge to "Live long and prosper"

- Say "Nice day for it." every 10 minutes

- "Everybody look at me for a minute - I’m going to do a special dance."

- "This is boring."

- "I’m cool!"

- "I’m glad I’m not dead!"

"I was just restoring the indegenous Orcs to their rightful place, your honor."

"Ok, I was pretty violent, but so is he *points at John Cleese*. And what? You hate me, but you love him? So, no wonder I'm violent!"

FREEEDOOOMMMMMM (Braveheart-style)

Sauron, well-known fan of Brit comedy, would resort to some of his fave catchphrases at his show trial. When asked if he was the Maia who created the One Ring he would try to bluster his way out of it and eventually have to say: "Yeah, but no, but yeah but..."

Then when he was found guilty he'd stick out his bottom lip and say: "Am I bovvered? Look, yeah, am I bovvered? Face? Bovvered?"

He would urge the Orcs to stop fighting among themselves and focus on the common goal of repelling the Numenorean invaders.

Sing "Always look on the Bright side of life!" really loudly.

Smoke an incredibly large cigar while putting his feet up on a table.

Keep insisting that it was all the fault of his invisible brother 'blauron' who told him to do things.

Judge Manwe " Sauron, you have been charged with mass murder and killing innocent civilians.

( in a whiny voice) "Morgoth told me too!!!!"

After the long, long list of charges has been read out (taking at least an hour), Sauron laughs and says, "That's not even half of what I did! ... Ooops."

Ha ha! You have nowhere to put the handcuffs!

3 words...

Clay

Pigeon

Shooting.

Sauron's Trial
 

This is not actually about Sauron's words, but... the idea came to me from someone's post up there, that it could all look like this...

„Good morning, Mandos your honor. The crown will plainly show the prisoner who now stands before you was caught red-handed showing feelings of an almost Maia nature. This will not do.“
„Call Aulë!“
Aulë: „I always said he'd come to no good in the end your honor. If they'd let me have my way I could have flayed him into shape. But my hands were tied, the wicked Númenoreans and Noldor let him get away with murder. Let me hammer him today!“
„Call Celebrimbor!“
Celebrimbor: „You little winky, now you're in it! Now I hope they throw away the key. You should have told me the truth 'bout yourself rightaway, but no! You had to make your own Ring! Have you created any Ringwraith lately? Just five minutes, Mandos your honor, Him and me, alone.“
„Call Melkor!“
Melkor: „Baaaaaaaaaabe! Come to pappy baby, let me hold you in my arms. M'lord I never wanted him to get in any trouble. Why'd he ever have to leave me? Mandos, your honor, let me take him home.“
Mandos: „The evidence before the court is incontrovertible, there's no need for the jury to retire. In all my years of judging I have never heard before of someone more deserving out the full penalty of law. Since, my friend, you have revealed your deepest fear, I sentence you to be exposed before your enemies. You are to be transformed into a hobbit and expelled from here. SEND HIM TO SHIRE!"

Now you see me! Now you dont!

Your Honor, is that my cloak you're wearing? It looks dashing on you but would look better on me.

Judge: 'I hold you in contempt of court!'

Sauron: 'Well not before I hold myself in contempt!' :rolleyes:

Another song and dance number may be in order.

Gimme the ring
Kissed and toll'd
Gimme something that I missed
Gimme the ring
A hand to hold
Wild and what it seems
Kill the king when love is the law
And the we'll turn round
Sing, dream child
And do you hear me call?

In other words, Andrew Eldritch made me do it!

You fascists always pick on us drunks!

the lepricorn made me do it.

"Why are you looking at me? It was Morgoth and the Nazgul and the Orcs that did everything! I just sat in a tower!"

"Well, I don't know about you lot, but I need a drink. Where's the bar?"

If Sauron managed to get himself captured and on trial....:

1. he'd blame his life problems on Morgoth
2. he'd say he was under the influence
3. after all the charges were read, he'd be like....is that all you've got?
4. he'd die trying to escape
5. after all is said and done, he'd be sentenced to the Void to be laughed at by Morgoth for all eternity

- You've got the wrong man: I'm only Sauron's clone!

- My eye is bigger than yours, so I can see the justice here better than you do!

- Before you decpitate me, let me present you with my last gift - a brand new ring!

- Before you kill me, you have to pay me for the loss of my finger!