LOTR is ruining my friendship....
 

My friend Megan is ready to kill me if I go on much longer about LOTR. And my friend Anna insulted the books by, when I asked her if she was reading one of her trashy Witch Sci-fi novels, said she had not been reading trashy novels lately because she has not read Lord of the Rings. I remained with Elf-like dignity and said that Lord of the Rings has the highest literary standard ever seen in a book. But Megan is getting really p*ssed off with me. What should I do?

[ May 09, 2003: Message edited by: Rindoien, elf of Lothlorien ]

Keep it to yourself? Find a new friend? It depends on your relationships with this girl. Dont put LOTR over whatever she is reading, or at least not in front of her, especialy if you expect her not to do the same.

Megan is, by the way, my nearest and dearest best friend.

EDIT: Anna, on the other hand, well, I'm not the best of friends with her.

[ May 09, 2003: Message edited by: Rindoien, elf of Lothlorien ]

Then i suggest keeping it to yourself. Or at least, keep it under control. LOTR is god, but your friendships are worth more.

I have another LOTR freak friend..but that is a bit off-topic. LOTR is God, and I simply can't keep it to myself...they'll have to glue my mouth shut. I'm awful, really, I was singing 'The Road Goes Ever On' in I.T. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

I have no friends who are obsessed with Lotr, except for the group of people from a site called the Barrow Downs [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] and thats how I like to keep it. Small and select and with nobody challenging my individuality. As a fiercely competitive person, I get very annoyed when people around me talk about Lotr, which thankfully they rarely do. The occasional lecturer rants on about neo-paganism trash and silly fantasy novels, and some silly girls giggle over Legolas's muscles, but I keep my own thoughts to myself.
I don't mean any offence, but i often wonder why everyone is so desperate to press Lotr onto everyone else. That may not necessarily be what you want, maybe you just want your friends to understand you. Personally I would just ignore them and continue to obsess over Lotr on your own. Not everyone thinks its as great as we do.

Meela, I don´t try to press LotR on anyone, exept for my cousin. But that doesn´t count, because I only told him to read The Hobbit, as their is a dragon and stuff. I didn´t TELL him to like it. About my friends, I have another problem:

This may sound wierd, but sometimes it´s better to have friends who are not LotR obsessed at all, than to have people that think they´re Tolkien freaks, but actually only like the movies. (And I don´t mean the obsessed-Fangirl way.) Like, whenever I start saying something about the Sil, or Beren and Luthien or whatever, they all go "Oh who cares?". Yu know that problem, anyone?

[ May 09, 2003: Message edited by: Manardariel ]

Blasphemy. [img]smilies/confused.gif[/img]

Lord of the Rings is a story. People are more valuable than stories, even when they are obstinate fools. If you worship a story, you are still worth more than it. Perhaps you should discreetly try to turn her on to Tolkien, if not then don't share around her (lest the obsession has taken over life itself).

Dissaprovingly,
Iarwain

[ May 10, 2003: Message edited by: Iarwain ]

Heellllllllooooooo........ she meant good, not god. Sheesh [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Well, I understand Rindoien. I've got the same problem. One of my best friends likes LotR, but really gets annoyed when I talk about it. But I can't help it. I don't even notice that I'm onto LotR. I'm not sure what to do yet...

~Menelien

She actually 'refuses' to read LOTR because everyone else wants her to. That's what I call stubborn...

My friend likes the movies, moderately, but she's a really slow reader, so she can't really read it. It would take her a really long time. Maybe I'll read it out loud to her at a sleepover or something...

~Menelien

I have a mix of friends! Some love LotR and some don’t. The ones that don’t like LotR, I don’t argue, I just don’t bring the subject up. I love reading the books and some of my friends think it is nerdy but I don’t really care. So find some friends that like LotR and some friends that don’t! As much as I love LotR it is nice to take a break from it and talk about something ells, so its nice having a mix.. so you can talk about LotR with some friends for as long as you please and with the other friends you can talk about everything ells!.. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img].. just my piece of advise!

[ May 10, 2003: Message edited by: Niluial ]

All of my live friends groan if I even mention LotR, even those who like it. That's why I'm happy to have so many online friends [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

~Menelien

Yup, Galadriel! I guess we´re all glad e can let our obsession out here! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] I pretty much keep the "don´t read don´t talk" policy, like Niual. Everyone should have the right to decide what they read!! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Oh and Rindoien, just a side comment: your Avatar is WAY too big...Avatar File Size [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] Sorry. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

None of my friends at school really like Lord of the Rings beyond the movies, and they start getting confused when I talk about the things not featured in the movies. I am okay with that, since I don't want to pressure them in to reading in case they stubbornly refuse, and deny themselves a good story. However, it can be a little annoying sometimes, but it's not a huge thing.

Thanks, that is really good advice [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] Goodness, I'm lucky to have such great people to talk to [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] I didn't know, sorry [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img] I really like this avatar too...drat.

There's some guys in my school who like Tolkien, but not more than like, and no girls. Doesn't that really suck???

~Menelien

My friends groan too. But one is finaly coming around! shes asked me to lend he the Fellowship of the Ring!

And yeah, i did mean good, not god. There is no way that a story, someones strange imaginings, can be a god!

Have you tried telling her how you feel? You shouldn't have to choose between LOTR and your friend! Just don't talk about books in front of her and don't ask what she is reading and if you do, don't call it trashy. She might not even really hate LOTR but just could say that to get you mad when you insult her books.

The Lord of the Rings is a very good book, but falling out with one's friends over a work of literature is demented. These things must be put into perspective, and in the larger scheme of things whether or not two people agree over one novel is pretty insignificant. As has been said earlier, you can always agree to disagree.

hehe, you don't know my 'friend' Anna, do ya [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] ? She will HAVE to win, no matter what. There is no agreement, there never will be, she is like a little dog with a bone, she won't let go until she wins.

My advice, inform her of the importance of Tolkien to you, make her understand and never mention it around her again, lest she asks, or drop Tolkien and never pick him back up until she permits or your friendship is dissolved. Honestly, she cannot care that much unless, like me, she has a problem with her friend worshipping a book. I'm very irritated, so I'll silence my fingers right now.

Iarwain

Uummm, there's a big part of your problem. Nyneve is right, don't call it that. If you insult her book, it's only fair that she gets to insult yours too. And eleanor_niphredil, Iarwain, Nyneve, The Squatter of Amon Rûdh are right when they say So what if she doesn't like LotR? That doesn't matter. You can't let one small difference like that ruin your friendship. It's not worth it, and if you don't realize it now, then you're going to regret it later. Everyone is different, and that's what makes of each of us unique. You should learn to appreciate and tolerate those differences, and possibly even celebrate and embrace them. Don't focus on them, just focus on the similarites you two have. If you let that difference get to you, then it's going to tear you two apart. One questoin I have: have you read her novel, and has has she read LotR?

I have a friend that refuses to read LotR because he says its to stereotypical of the fantasy genre. Yet what he reads is of less literary standing and is still fantasy, but very poor fanatsy.
We argue so much, he knows nothing about what he complains about. I feel he likes thinking he is different, a non conformist. When the fact is he is not very different from most ppl.
We argue loads and its extremely frustrating as he never tries anything i suggest yet i make the effort to go along with what he wants. Despite these little things we get on pretty well.

I have one friend who won't read the books until she's seen all the films, then there are another two who have ground to a halt half-way through TTT, two who have read it and love it and one who despises it. Sometime I nearly say something about LotR infront of the last friend but I have to hold it back.

I've also been banned from talking about LotR to all but the friends who have read it all, apparently I kept giving away stuff about the ending. I'll survive.

Everyone here is right though, you'll have to put up with not talking about LotR, think of something else, how about some good gossip? [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

I think everything everyone else has posted is quite right. If you and your friend cannot find something else to unite over and will let a book tear you apart, I seriously doubt the depth of your friendship. If you need to unload about LOTR, isn't that what you're here for? [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] Just a suggestion, but maybe you two should start fresh and put your disagreement aside.
Peace

I am sorry to hear about your problem with your friends. Sometimes I have subjects with friends I know we disagree on so i just always avoid it completely. Maybe that it was you should do.

As for me since I just moved and I am in a new place, I am more conservative w/ what I let people know. If people talk about it by chance I'll add my own comments but I don't go into it. I will always suggest it to someone I feel can get through it though, but I don't push it.

I love LOTR though and If I met someone who loves it as much as me I wouldn't mind at all talking about it all day with them! ^-^
Have yet to met such a person here...

Well, I'm not saying that you should put Lord of the Rings before your friendship, but in my opinion, being friends with someone is accepting them for who they are, and that includes dislikes, likes and hobbies. My friends know I like Lord of the Rings, my closest friends respect that, and we occasionally, jokingly, have a dig at each other. They dig at me about LotR, and I dig at them about Harry Potter, even though I've read those books several times and they've seen LotR(but not read the books), but its all in good fun. Then there are my other not-so-close friends, who roll their eyes everytime I bring LotR up, and call me a freak.
If someone is not willing to accept you for who you are, entirely, then maybe they aren't as close to you as you thought they were.
No offence to anyone!
~nat~

What trashy witch novels are these, anyway? Dont tell me its Sweep, or I may have to kill you [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] Or if you are english, the Wicca series.

I don't have any obsessed LOtr friends, but I have a few who have more than just a passing interest in them. Don't insult Megan's taste in books. Perhaps she won't mind your taste in LOTR, if you try not to mind hers. But it sounds to me like you could use a slight tune-down when it comes to LOTR anyway...just some of my bizzare thoughts. [img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]

I agree with Arwen_Evenstar. LOTR shouldn’t come before friendship but friends should be willing to accept your interests. Everyone is different! 

I, personally, am lucky – most of my friends don’t have a problem with LOTR. But, just try and accept each other’s differences, that’s all.
OK, so that’s my bit of advice. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] Hope you can use it. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ May 19, 2003: Message edited by: Tarien Ithil ]

Well I know only 2 people (well in person) who are posessed with LotR and as far as I know no one else likes me talkin' abot this theme so I just keep my mouth shut while being with non-Tolkienists . If that does not work than find somethin' you both have in common or just stuff your mouth with somethin' . Works all the time [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

Yes, I find a sock works best. Or a really really big origami boulder! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Oh please. Whoever needs these annoying entities known as "friends" anyway? Much better to sit in a dark closet by yourself, muttering in Elvish, and wallowing in your own intellectual supremacy. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

Hey, if your friends, "Anna and Maegan" are mad at you for your religious beliefs or what you read and they are threatening to befriend you? THEY ARE NOT TRUE FRIENDS.

Trust me, I have been through this before. Leave them behind. You should have nothing to do with them. That is my opinion, but, if you really want a right answer, pray about it, and God will answer your prayers.

My friends have never even heard about LOTRs till the movies and then they didn't care to see them,i told they should and that was it.
Just tell them about Tolkien and leave it at that, till they come to you!

I tried the whole pressing it on my friends thing" and do you know what I learned ? It dosent work. Nobody likes being bossed around i know I dont. I am happy that I discovered the Tolkien universe on my own accord. I guess what I'm trying to say is let your freinds go their own way.

My friends just say: Oh...here she goes again....", when i start talking about LOTR and any other Tolkien related stuff. I think they once in a while they should try to listen what I have to say and what I'm interested in. But I understand them to, it can be toooo much sometimes.

My friends didn't even know about Tolkien or LOTR before I started telling them about it. They hadn't seen the first movie when TTT was on cinema , or something like that. And all my classmates, or mostly the boys, just thinks of LOTR as violence and a bunch of action. Well, there are fighting and wars in LOTR, but I don't think Tolkien wanted us to think that. I think it is about "Even the smallest can do a difference".Or I'm pretty sure that's it...or I have gotten it completly wrong..

But then there are a lots of LOTR forums and there you know for sure that everyone has the same interests as you(wich is LOTR and Tolkien related stuff), so maybe it's clever to just keep it there...


[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] orofâniel

Hey, Theoric Windcaller

You make good points.
But maybe Rindoien’s “friends”, Anna and Megan are just going through a phase. They might just get over this whole silly “I think LOTR is stupid” idea.

Rindoien, maybe try to educate them and ask them to read LOTR for themselves (From what I have seen I don’t expect they’ve read the books).
Personally, I don’t think a book (no matter how marvelous and epic it is) should ruin your friendship.
Either Megan and Anna are just plain stubborn and show some sort of ignorance (begging your pardon) or they, as Theo said, are not true friends.

Try and get them to read the books, or at least one LOTR book, or research on the movie.
They might just see the light and you can be a happy friendly group again!!

If you are still reading this, thanks and hope you can use the advice!

Your friendly neighborhood counselor ( [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]),

Tarien Ithil