On Elvish Weddings
 

So far as I can tell, the Downs doesn't seem to have a thread devoted to this topic (though this one over in Movies touches on it), and I've just uncovered not one, but two 'new' pieces of information to inform our picture of how the Eldar married. So here we go...

It's customary in this discussion to begin by quoting Laws and Customs among the Eldar, as found in HoME X: Morgoth's Ring, and I am not one to break with tradition:

This is the standard text on Elvish marriage: after a year's engagement, they have a feast, in which the couple exchange rings, their parents give gifts (sometimes this is done before the feast), and there are blessings invoking the Valar. Tolkien then highlights that it was the 'act of bodily union' which actually constituted the marriage, and points out that it was lawful (though rather rude) for a couple to skip the ceremony and just do that part. This is where the common paraphrase that 'sex = marriage' comes from.

Except... does it? Look again at Tolkien's wording:

"It was the act of bodily union that achieved marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete."

"...without ceremony or witness (save blessings exchanged and the naming of the Name); and the union so joined was alike indissoluble."

Tolkien is actually very, very clear here: a marriage is formed by two things. The 'act of bodily union' is one of them - but the other, which appears to come first, is a formal blessing by the Name of the One. This can be given by relatives, or by the bride and groom to each other - but it's a definite part of making the 'indissoluble bond'.

What, then, would be the Elvish view of pre-marital sex? Like most people, I've always assumed it was an impossibility - that the 'act of bodily union' is automatically a wedding. But on closer reading, Tolkien actually doesn't say that.

Are there other parts of LaCE which touch on this? We read that "their spirits being masters of their bodies, [elves] are seldom swayed by the desires of the body only, but are by nature continent and steadfast", but this doesn't say that they didn't have and express 'desires of the body', just that they weren't driven by them (in this case, into inappropriate marriages).

Probably the biggest indicator is the discussion of the bearing of children, which tells us this:

This can be read as indicating that the only reason Elves have sex is to have children. But on further consideration, 'the union of love is to them great delight and joy' is not couched in conditionals; given that 'the power and the will are not... distinguishable', it's perfectly sound to read this quote as something like:

There is a further hint to this notion, which occurs during the discussion of the Doom of Finwe and Miriel:

This definitely hints that marriage being "of the body" and of bodily union continues beyond childbearing. But it does also argue against pre-marital sex; the final sentence can most naturally be read as 'no sex outside marriage'. It can also mean 'sex within marriage is special, and different to sex outside it', but that's not nearly as obvious a reading.

In summary, then:

• "Bodily union" does not make a marriage by itself; it also needs the naming of the Name.
• There are hints that Elves did not stop having sex once they had children.
• It is arguably possible that pre-marital sex was allowable under Elvish law.

So far, so old hat; I'd be surprised if people hadn't argued this before. But I also found something else - not in LaCE, but in the new Fall of Gondolin:

These passages (widely separated in the narrative) tell us two things:

-There is a dedicated 'Place of Wedding' in the holiest part of the city of Gondolin. The first passage implies that Tuor and Idril being married in Gar Ainion is special, but the second makes it clear: this is where many weddings take place. Confirmation, if it was needed, that marriage is deeply holy among the Eldar.

-Idril wore her hair unbraided at her wedding. Further, this is implied to be unusual for her.

Now, yes, it's dangerous to extrapolate from one example, but to my knowledge this is the only description of a wedding in all the Legendarium (Aragorn and Arwen just get a day named, for example). So what can we deduce from this brief passage?

In a word: simplicity.

An Elvish wedding isn't a showy affair. There is no expensive dress, no mass of decorations - indeed, the whole 'groom doesn't see the bride beforehand' concept is impossible; they're both at a feast prior to the marriage! They wear simple clothes, which in Valinor - wealthy, blessed Valinor - is going to dramatically mark them out. When everyone around you has their hair elaborately done, simple unbraided locks are as much a marker as a white dress is to us.

It's also worth noting this context, from HoME XII: The People of Middle-earth:

For the bride (and presumably the groom!) to wear their hair unadorned was to show only their natural beauty, without any artificial enhancements. Is it too much to say it harks back to the earliest days, by the waters of Cuivienen? Rather than splashing out, an Elvish wedding was about taking the betrothed back to the natural state of all Eldar: just hroa, fea, and the Name of the One spoken together.

As I say, it's a huge house of cards to build on one comment. But it's all I've found, and I don't think it's something anyone has spotted before.

hS

Yeah, there's a lot of Elvish Weddings in fanfic; given the evidence of Idril, however, I think they're mostly written incorrectly. My theory is that lines like this, from the one you link:

... are incorrect, because a wedding of the Quendi was not about enhancing beauty, but about stripping away the externals to get back to the natural beauty under it all.

hS

I'm not sure there was one single custom. I suspect it was different among the Sindar, the Exiled Noldor, in Valinor, and probably very different between the First and Third ages.

I could see the Noldor of Gondolin going for the bling. This culture revolved around the works of their hands almost as much as that of Eregion. The Sindar, something much simpler and nature oriented. The chastened Noldor of Frodo's time, possibly a back-to-basics ethos (like we saw with Gildor's company- although Gildor apologized for his "rustic" hospitality).

In principle I'm inclined to agree, and LaCE is pretty clear that it mostly applies to Aman. However, I don't think Tolkien likely came up with more than one image of what it would be like, so any references probably refer to one specific design.

I do disagree quite strongly with the bolded part, though. In principle, yes - but the sole piece of evidence we have for what an Elvish wedding would actually look like comes from Gondolin, and speaks to simplicity, not ornamentation.

hS