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Partly to irritate tgwbs a wee bit, and partly to fly my true political colours, I send David Davis to Mordor, reassign David Cameron to Minas Tirith and firmly place Boris Johnson on Taniquetil...
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I assign to Mordor that running-fingernails-down- the- blackboard rhetorical question, "How xxxx is that?" For years I've been waiting for it to die a death but still it flourishes. Even some of my best and most well-educated friends have been infected. Arrgh......How annoying is that? ;)
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Mismatched socks and socks with holes in the toe belong in Mordor. |
more for the hey of it
Here's the list from pages 6 through 10. Sheesh! You guys were busy over these five pages :eek: ...as if I had nothing to do with it! :rolleyes:
6 am flights 6th Form ache that comes from flossing after a long hiatus acute paranoia adjectives used in place of adverbs adults who do not remember how it is to be young adults who think moody teenagers care about the difficulties of being a parent adults who think teens' negative thought are due to hormones and moodiness alone Adware after-date paranoia airports allergic conjunctivitis allergies and all of their varied symptoms annoying English teachers annoying guys who provide the voiceovers at the end of infomercials and commercials anything boring anything that keeps one from playing WW games apathetic English teachers attempting to accomplish Orkish havoc characterized as "doing nothing" attendance office at school with wrong information Axe-murderers (in a soon to be released ATM near you....) bad email software bad habits bad thinking behind banning computer access while allowing long phone calls bad translations Bags of candy that come to an end too soon Balrog Wingers banning of the internet Bar chords...hardest notes to play on the guitar being bashful around people you know you'll get on excellent with being introverted Being left at school because answering machine didn't work right Being Forbidden from entering The Barrowdowns being out of clean clothes being too sick to flirt (watch out, ATM ladies - 'she was just about to flirt with the cute boy when suddenly she felt sick enough to puke') Biology Lab partner who looks down your blouse black flies blisters from unbroken argyle flats blisters from unbroken flip flops blisters from wearing huge boots Books that look interesting on the covers but are not inside. books written by Roald Dahl boring English teachers Braces Breast cancer bugs Bullies bus drills in gym class where they make you jump off the back of the bus canonicity CaptainofDespair (cameo role?) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (book & movies) children who cannot see how much they mean to their parents classes where everybody's opinion is different from yours classes you hate but still do well in "classy heels" required for business attire Coke colds Cold snaps college applications college applications as more important than wreaking Orkish havoc in an RPG college dorm parties college placement tests Collegiate insomnia computer game which does not let you save your progress whenever you want computers that screw up while using them constipation 'cope' Creepy teachers criticism about, not to, a person crystal clear bad memories customer service departments that keep you on hold a little bit longer than forever Customs checks Declaring feelings to somebody and them not returning them democracy Department of Motor Vehicles diarrea (you ATM players are really in for it!) difference between English and American spelling distributors of speed cameras dog bites dogs that bite (mean, nasty, clothes wearing dogs that bite in ATM) Dread Backspace Button Of Doom ... which works like internet 'back' command dread from finding a check you thought you mailed to pay a bill drivers who drive through a flood at top speed elastic bands in braces English classes Eomer of the Rohirrim (cameo role?) errant pronunciations of the name "Bach" ex-boyfriends excess mucous Excess phlegm (and I mean, really in for it!) extroverts who try to make conversation when you are not in the mood evil, sarcastic, sadistic teachers facial spots fathers who think they know everything about computers & delete your programs Films based on books that radically alter storylines finding a whole chick pea lurking in your braces 6 hours after your last meal - (what's a british youth doing with braces? has there been a dental revolution in England?) Flies flight delays forgetting how to draw Forgetting what you wanted to post French teacher Frodo and Sam with cameo roles in LMP's Mordor RP fruitcakes general heat Generic, uninventive Tolkien fanfiction geography teachers getting a paragraph in reply to a five page letter getting lynched on the first Day of Werewolf girls that claim to be LOTR fans because of Legolas going to bed when it's light out going to work on Saturday halitosis (bad breath caused by gingivitis) having no common language having the wrong textbook with a looming test having to share a laundry facility with 140 women havng to wait until LMP says so to watch that madly fun sounding RP unfold hayfever headaches Heatwaves history of language Hollywood Hollywood and its fruitcakes Homework hovering parents huge workloads human tongue hundred degree greenhouse Hurricanes hurting knees hypocritical parents Idiotic bees inability to breathe institutional food inventor of shoes that are loose around the ankles but tight on the toes irrational fear of phone calls Johnny Depp (cameo?) JK Rowling (cameo?) 'kotex fits. period' (billboards in ATM) lack of the Assigned to Mordor RPG (now that would be weird!) leaches Level 81 in the Pit of 100 Trials in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door lima beans litter litterbugs local press Locker combinations that get stuck Lord of the Rings note books ... sold out mandatory meeting right after sweaty excerise Mario medication tolerance men who hit women Men who unintelligently assign a woman's bad mood to hormones (is there an intelligent way of doing it?) migraines misused homophones modern world's way of taking all the fun out of life monosodium glutimate Mosquitos Multiple lynching in Werewolf (need to work this into ATM somehow...) nagging parents nagging thoughts you realize you should have listened to neighbours who put up large aluminum sheds which block all sun from your garden New computers nights when there is a full moon (so it's always a full moon in Mordor) noisy air conditioners not being in the same class with your friends Not having enough time for PMs offspring who don't understand the difficulties of being a parent Once respectable people who sell their soul by acting in lousy commercials online college application forms osteopaths who try to crush you Overplayed songs Packing pain from first ever dance class papercuts parents parents and their children parents who think that you're nervous about leaving for college in the morning when you're not Parents who abuse their children parents who brag about their children parents who cannot understand their children People on IM who sign in and out repeatedly People who believe that they are the only important beings in the universe people who claim that the advert breaks are no louder than the programmes people who don't turn up for meetings they set People who don't understand introverts people who repeatedly don't show up when you invite them people who give away spoilers to books and movies without warning people who have no regard for others People who litter instead of using a trash can 15 feet away people who make fun of people with asthma people who pronounce it Ray-min noodles people who spill liquor wantonly people who spit gum out on to the pavement people who think that a Straight Edge lifestyle means you've got a gang mentality people who use personal grief as an excuse to treat other peple badly people who wearing sockless sandals bring small space heaters to warm up the space under their desks people you thought were your friends stabbing you in the back permanent paranoia of law enforcement officers Personal statements on college applications Phonetics Phys. Ed. teachers who ignore the fact of your asthma piles of wet tissues that come with allergies pimples Pineapple political correctness pop drinkers pop-up ads Practice job interviews with your parents pretentious use of silent letters process by which one's wisdom teeth are removed procrastination Psychics pushy and angsty cousins Quadratic Function rabbits Rap music really heavy textbooks repair shops that are behind schedule ridiculous conspiracy theories ridiculous conspiracy theorists Road Construction during the worst time of the year Roald Dahl role of Ranger in werewolf Rumor-mongering rumors that idiots spread 'sanguine' Saturday morning classes Sauron's finger and its army SAVEs school districts that separate best friends to different schools school uniform school when it is absolutely pointless Screwing up a simple drawing skinned knees Slipping on garbage left by others in streets slivers social conventions of enduring arrogant people with politeness Soda & coke drinkers Sore throats SPAM Speed cameras splinters spoilt kids that howl on the street sports physicals Standard Of Learning tests that force teachers to teach "to the test" stereotypers strip searches at airports stubbed toes students who insist on coming to school when they are sick summer air conditioning that is set far, far too cold sunburn sweat patches Teachers who don't make maths interesting and explain it properly teenagers teens who don't understand that parents see their children as extensions of themselves Telemarketers who switch the long-distance service you've told them you're happy with telemarketing companies telephones terrorists text books that cost over a hundred bucks a piece and that they have no used versions of The Saucepan Man (cameo role?) thieves thoughts that won't get properly organized to post a serious post to a Books thread Tooth fillings that begin to peel off traveling trying to figure out where to go to University UCAS applications unidentified phone caller unnecessary aspects of plot used Handkerchiefs vacation being over VIRUSES Warranties that expire right before something breaks down water that accidentally gets inhaled wet used handkerchief in your pocket When you really like a thread but can't think of anything to say whoever decided to make Lucius Malfoy so attractive in the Harry Potter films windshield wiper blades that always streak in the line of vision (the orcs behind the wheel driving cars - with flat tires - too fast in Mordor should love this) 'witch' at the other end of the office worries that pick at the mind whether traveling will be safe worst subjects all in the same semester Yellow cars (and all PT Cruisers at that!) "You are judged by the company you keep." (to be on billboards in Mordor) |
:D Obviously we just like complaining.
I want to add pens that don't work. Or better actually ones that look like they're going to work long enough to let you write 20 words or so and then run out halfway through so you have to start again because it's some form that demands it all be written in black. So, of course, you also have to raid the house for another black pen! |
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Minor point: I sent improper Jamesian English to Mordor, not correct Jamesian English. Unless missed somthing and somebody else sent it. *Well... you know what I mean. Other people pay for it, not me. :D |
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How to be a civil servant may not sound like an exciting read (understatement of the year), but it explains everything in all its behemothic glory, and has a particularly nice (and extremely accurate) humour section about jargon and corporate English. :D Quote:
Outsourcing belongs in Mordor. |
Oooh, you just wait for this new piece of disgruntlement. And it's not even for the RP, it's because I'm actually disgruntled! Our showers were perfect! Blasting hot with the kind of pressure that could relax the knotted muscles of a gorilla. And yet, mysteriously, our water pressure has disappeared. When it takes at least ten minutes to rinse shoulder length hair, and that's with conscious effort involved... and when, completely inexplicably, your shower turns cold half way through it and then mysteriously turns burning hot... way to start the day. I assign mysteriously tempermental, though once perfect, showers.
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I will assign printers that have been working perfectly all day and then refuse to print out the bit of work you desperately need for tomorrow! Argh! |
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Us brits do use the free dental care we get; we're just not overly obsessive with it unlike our friends across the pond it would seem!!! I'm going to send having to wait weeks for an apointment at the hospital to Mordor.My doc has no-idea whats wrong with me so he refered me to a specialist. I'm still waiting to be seen... I mean I'm ill and in serious amounts of pain a lot of the time and I've missed lots of lectures and failed to hand in assignments that count towards my final grade and I still haven't got an appointment!!!! |
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And as for being into sports for the 'cute guys,' let's just say that being hit on by UW football players back when I was only 14 (I look older than I really am) has completely put me off of that. :eek: Of course, my mother still entertains hopes that I will one day marry one of her students. (She's a tutor for the UW athletic department.) To keep this from being off topic, I assign: People who can't comprehend that two people of opposite genders can be friends with out being romantically interested in each other. If I had a dollar for every time somebody asked if one of my male friends was my boyfriend, I'd be a very rich girl. People who make out in the hallways at school between classes. It's just disgusting and they block traffic in the already overcrowded halls, making the rest of us late for class. The five minutes we get in between each period in school are not the proper time or place to exchange saliva. Do it on your own time someplace where the rest of us aren't forced to see it. |
I assign long distance relationships whilst the two people concerned are also busy university students to Mordor.
You never spend enough time studying because you're busy making four hour phone calls. You spend more than your entire food budget on said phone calls. And then when things don't work out you still never spend enough time studying because you're upset, pinning and your head is all ****** up. University is just the wrong time to fall in love. Especially when the other person is back at home. I think that all the pain and suffering this causes is greater than any dealt out in a torture scene in a particularly vicious Uruk's dreams. There's only one place for this kind of misery... |
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And I would like to assign plumbers who have no idea what they're doing and make giant holes in your floor and ceiling for no apparent reason. :rolleyes: Quote:
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On the same topic, my own disgruntlement leads me to assign those people to Mordor who assume that to live a life with no romantic interests must be the greatest of hardships and they "really don't see how you'll be able to do it". (No, not talking about you, Cailin, just people I know in 'real life'...) |
I'm sure I've seen something to this effect posted onto this thread before, but I want to make sure, just for the record: crass commercialism may go straight to Mordor, do not pass go, do not collect your ill-gotten gains. And while you're at it, off to Mordor dungeons with you and yours!
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Learn to flip the switch. It's an invaluable asset. I was in this marketing class and I got put in a group with these three girls with jaw-dropping looks and pretty good brains. If I wouldn't have been able to flip the romance-hormones-emotions switch to the off position, I never would've been able to get an ounce of work done. Quote:
But it's not that hard at all. I get to spend all of my time and money on me and me alone. I can go where I want to, when I want to, and how I want to- things you can't do (or shouldn't do) when you have a girlfriend. Though I'm not proud of it, I am rather immature for my age and still have some of the self-centered thought processes of a child, so being single suits me quite well. (how much you wanna bet that quote makes it into TORE's sig :p ) Quote:
Or perhaps one of us can fall in love with one of the anakronisms, like Britney Spears. :p |
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I'd like to assign a modern world where a five year old is so accustomed to certain situations that she would ask me without second thought if another five year old I was talking to at her school was my daughter. |
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Therefore I assign the word "pianist". *snicker* |
ha ha. i don't think you ever get to the point where you can say pianist with absolute stone-facedness. even when your ninety, there must be something that giggles in the back of you mind. :p :D
anyway, i assign that period of time when it should be winter adn snowing, but its not. hurry up, for goodness sake! |
On a similar topic, I assign to Mordor anybody who think that families of more than two children are "huge" and a "potential threat of overpopulation". In Canada, at least, the only reason the population is growing is immigrants. Having a family of seven is not going to overstrain the world's resources...
Furthermore, it's a lot cooler being the oldest of seven than being "the older of two". ~An oldest of seven, and proud of it~ |
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-- To stay on topic, even though this has already been a busy irritation day for me: I should like to assign crossovers in fanfiction to Mordor. I wasn’t really aware of them before this day, seeing that I don’t spend a whole lot of time in fandoms, but I accidentally came across one today and was instantly horrified. I’m talking about a Harry Potter – Lord of the Rings crossover here, and by all accounts, these are not as rare as they should be. Authors of such an abomination must have a warped mind indeed. I shall not go into details about what I’ve read, but the Wormtail – Wormtongue jokes were among the better ones. After reading the story, I could not help my mind thinking of other frightful possibilities for crossovers… We might have an Alice in Wonderland version (in which Aragorn and his army of the dead unexpectedly tumble down a rabbit’s hole) or a Little Mermaid one (where the fellowship suddenly finds themselves accompanied by a red haired girl with a pretty voice, swimming up and down the Anduin) or a Lord of the Rings – Pokemon crossover (better not imagine the possible horrors that might entail). Anyway, this sacrilegious act should be abolished and never seen on the Internet again, before someone writes the extremely obvious Phantom of the Opera – Lord of the Rings songfic featuring Frodo and the Ring. Actually, it might be better to assign all forms of fanfiction to Mordor. But I am quite sure not everybody here would appreciate that so much. Quote:
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*giggles* |
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I assign dandruff to Mordor. It makes you feel all dirty and unwashed even when you've just taken a shower earlier in the day. Patina that doesn't work should also go to Mordor. It was supposed to turn my piece for jewelry class black, but instead it worked less and less each time I tried it. The only parts it turned properly black were the ones I was going to have to sand anyway because I didn't want them to be black. Very, very frustrating. |
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I assign to Mordor people who make jokes about pianists which I *still* don't get. *blush*
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Don't worry Lalaith it's not that funny. If you say the word aloud to your self you should realise it sounds a lot like another word that has nothing to do with playing piano. I can't say I've found the likness amusing though or that I even think of it/realise when I use the word pianist, because I'm just thinking about piano's and musicians... I guess some people have a different sense of humour... Again, don't worry you're not missing much!
I assign people who act knowing that their actions are going to hurt/upset/offend or otherwise make miserable, one or more persons. For example: The housemate who defaced my LotR cardboard cut-out knowing that I'd had it for years and that it was a gift for my 16th birthday and knowing how much LotR and Tolkien means to me (ok, so a minor example... but still vallid, I think) |
Ah, yes, I think I understand now.
It's a question of accent....I blame my own Lady-Bracknellish R.P.....kept saying pee-ah-nistt to myself and wondering what on earth was funny.... :rolleyes: |
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ah, I missed Kath's post. That would have solved my quandry....
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Just a thought. |
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So by sending Freud to Mordor, I'm sending only his crackpot theories with him. The good ones can stay. :D |
As a pianist, I'm not quite sure - is it only the word that gets sent to Mordor, or pianists in general? I don't think I want to play there...
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You're a brave woman, Estelyn Telcontar, who admits she plays such things. Time was women who did so were sent to Mordor. ;) |
The stupid education system around here that thinks it's okay to not start teaching kids a foreign language until they're 12, and then not even require that they take one in high school. You learn languages best when you're young and 12 is really much later than schools should start teaching them. I keep thinking how good I could be at French by now if I'd had it since elementary school.
Cameras that don't have flashes. There's almost no point in having a camera at all if it only works outside in sunny weather. |
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