Confess your crimes here...
 

So have you ever done anything that is in contradiction with Tolkien's ME, for example in a fanfic, an RPG or when playing as a child?

I confess
- playing a half-elven character in an RPG
- when playing ME as a child, my friend's horse was called Dynamite
- allowing/making the following things in an RPG I'm the game master:
* A character who is the sister of King Fréalaf of Rohan, and who practises excorsism and sees visions, and murders people in Gondor (well, you can't decide what your players do with their characters)
*The son of the second marshal of the Mark being the previous character's bodyguard
*I made Galion Thranduil's brother. :o And his son Veborion (Orlando Bloom's Elvish name - for my defense I can only say I only allowed the name, but didn't choose it) is a totally crazy archer who plays the harp, cries always, prances around singing his "morning song", drinks too much red wine and has a Gondorian girl as a lover
*A barrow-wight attacked the company in Gondor
* Having an umli-NPC
* dishonouring nearly all peoples of Middle-Earth by making them acting stupidly
* the characters use voodoo-magic
* giving NPCs names like Lotion, Certification, Promotion, Elmedir (having apparently dyslexia :rolleyes: ), Roibos (from Rooibos tea), Veho (a transport company), etc...
= I think this'd make a hilarious mirth game, but we're playing it seriously...
- In another RPG allowing/making the following things
* the player characters bought miniskirts from Minas Tirith
* a giant attacked the company in Gondor (I tried to explain that it came from the White Mountains)

That's it for starters... I'm sure I'd remember more if I thought about it.

What about you?

Is parody a crime? If so, I am definitely guilty! I invented a shieldmaiden Elf who rescued and used a bow made (by orcs) of the wood of an Ent. Not only did I begin to write her story, I turned it into an RPG and allowed all kinds of non-canonical characters: half-Elves and a half-Halfling (Quarterling, for you math buffs), a reformed and reborn orc, a dwarf constantly out for profit (oh, wait a minute - that's canonical! ;) ), a more or less friendly dragon, speaking horses, a winged Balfrog - it would probably be easier to count the characters that are actually true to Tolkien's Legendarium! In addition, the Western Lands are populated by surfer dude gods and goddesses, there's an underground rail transportation system - but read for yourself* if you want it all. There's no way I can sum up all of the atrocities that added up over three years of writing.

In defense, I can only say that it wasn't actually meant to parody Tolkien's works, but the multitude of Mary Sue fan fictions that have been written about Middle-earth.


* The Revenge of the Entish Bow
* The Reunification of the Entish Bow

Some would say that the entire Warg and Warg Rider Appreciation Thread is a crime against Tolkien's ME. I call those people fools. :p

It is, however, riddled with instances of Third-Age characters popping up in prior Ages. I'm not sure. Was Théoden's age ever stated explicitly? Was it anywhere near 6000? ;)

Hello, my name is Bethberry and I am guilty of crimes against Tolkienity.

I read modern and--gasp!--post modern stories and even enjoy some of them. :eek:

I have made a salad of Galadriel and Celeborn in REB. And wrote an evil sister for Galadriel, who had to be the good one. (Sorry, Terry Pratchett, but that's too good a line not to reuse.)

I have watched TTT only once--oh, wait, that probably counts in favour of my taste for Tolkien! ;)

I have given canon characters relations as it please me (such as a brother for Imrahil)

Wait! You did it in an FA story, and Imrahil's tree is incomplete...surely you're all right!

I have made cheerful assumptions regarding the nobility and other social statuses.

I have butchered Sindarin in an attempt to write a character that spoke it.

I have written boring goody-goody elves. Oh wait, that could be canon still.

If I repent, can I be forgiven?

They will hang me from the nearest Ent
 

As with Esty I have written a parody, it is soon to be published (I hope). In it I have created a race of ever hungry and stupid Halfbits, the Elves are mostly drunk, and the Men are dull. It is nearing completion and will be called:

THE LORD OF THE GRINS BY U.R.R. JOKIN.
Consisting of
THE FOLLOWSHIP OF THE RING
THE TWO TOWNIES
THE RETINUE OF THE KING.

If you ever read it, please do not attack me in the street, or I will be forced into the action of name calling and pulling funny faces.

I am guilty. There you will find a woman spymaster helping run the Mordorian kingdom (well, it's a bit of a principality, really) of a misunderstood Balrog with a penchant for piracy and eyeliner, Khamul the Easterling runs the mafia from the body of a 5-year-old due to a cloning-gone-wrong, Roggie's palace is a renovated casino, and God is a llama. Poor, poor spirit of Tolkien...

Alas, I too am guilty.

Panakeia of Harad driving around Mordor in a yellow PT Cruiser and stealing Bill Shatner's toupee at a Star Trek convention isn't exactly canon.

The Hobrog, however, fits into Middle-earth beautifully. :D Or maybe not...

I, on the other hand, remain entirely blameless, as I wrote only of an overconfident and villainous Dark Lord and a Hobbit who overindulges in vittals, beer and pipeweed. :rolleyes: ;)

Although the Jéorri Springer episode might be considered rather wide of the Mark ... :D

It's a fair cop - but society is to blame....
 

I have been a card carrying member of the canon police as an admin on other boards, forever telling people that they couldn't be half elves, Elrond's second daughter etc.... outrageous, unforgivable crimes...

My own crimes were:

- cowardice in the face of the Literati (I went in to the closet regarding liking Tolkien for most of a four year Literature degree - a few references slipped out in Linguistics but I tried not to look too keen :o ) .

-an act of High Treason (Here, I criticised some aspects of Tolkien's writing and I nearly got lynched).

However, while I perhaps should be shot at dawn then hanged by the neck until I be dead, someone may save you the trouble with a duel (dawn again but necessarily earlier that the appointed hour for the firing squad).

I once committed the crime of saying that Aragorn was a bit of a prig (compared to the divine Faramir) whatever happened to that gauntlet Prof Hedgethistle? :D

You caught me. Frodo led an army of 300,000 hobbits into Rhun and slaughtered all the Easterlings. :p

I mispronounce just about all the names and words that Tolkien created. I even pronounce Tolkien incorrectly. I imagine Elrond has a beard. And I don't care. :p *

Not always anyway... ;)

I often wonder about the Green Dragon in our own RPGs. It has all kinds of creatures wandering in and out, but didn't Aragorn say that The Shire would be reserved for Hobbits only in the Fourth Age? Still, it would be dull if it was just for Hobbits.





*this is just to make it even more naughty...

Possibly that ruling has yet to be pronounced...

Although I do wonder about the "Lewis"es and "Cordelia"s that I've seen floating around on it... doesn't strike me as very Middle-Earthian.

Mind you, as a card-carrying member of AtM2, I'm not exactly an innocent... though I'd like to think that playing a rather canonical, if stuffy, member of the Gondorian side of the fence ought to count for something.

However, I must confess that about eight years ago, at a rather young age indeed, I was known to playact at being a descendent (and King of Gondor) of Aragorn, who just HAPPENED to be an excellent warrior and tracker, and who, as it happened, went about escorting roughly four hobbits, an elf, a dwarf, a man (my brother, ala Boromir), and a couple of Blue Wizards on a quest into the East to destroy the Ring- one of the Seven, somehow not destroyed in Barad-dûr's fall, and somehow still potent...

My imagination was rather under-used...

I am guilty on many levels. In RPGs I am responsible for Vogonwë the Horrible Poet, the half-elven son of Geppetuil the Elven-partyking (the third cousin of Thranduil, thrice removed), and a human woman of Chippendale. Then there's his fiancée (recently wed) the half-halfing Pimpiowyn Took, a cross between a hobbit lass and a Valiant Man of the Mike (Pipsissewa Took and Éohorse son of Needahorse). As if that weren't enough, I have recently given life to the abomination that is Skittles MacFarlewyn.

And ya know what? :p I am unrepentant. Destroying canon is my purpose in life.

I often play make believe in my under-used imagination that I am some kind of half-Hobbit, half-Wizard female Nu-Saruman/Gandalf character and imagine myself potentially very powerful while still giving myself the option of eating second breakfast and smoking pipeweed. These delusional flights of fancy usually occur during boring meetings when my mind will begin wandering within the first four minutes or so and does not usually get back on track until the tea and luxury biscuits are produced. It's either that or fancy myself as the first female Time Lord. :D

I once thought about getting a personal number plate for the car based on a Tolkien theme and saw one which had ENT in it. Then I saw the irony in this.

As I see my crew confessing their crimes, I realize that I have yet another to my name:

Contributing to the delinquency of writers. :cool:

No, no, I'm not confessing. There's nothing wrong with creating a name in caricature Sindarin inspired by a rather popular name from the Bible...

I'll confess! I'm not even playing someone from an ME race. :rolleyes:

I made a woman a key character. :p

And I thought Arwen at the Ford was :cool: .

I don't like Christopher (Gollum,'It's mine,my Precious') Tolkien, and his stagnating stance. I like Orcs, I am building a New Dark Tower, I have five bricks so far, any donations welcome.............

Actually, my worst crime of all is:

...I don't really like the Elves. :eek:

Well in that case - if the gloves are off - I really dislike a lot about "The Hobbit" .. I know it was necessary for the existence of LOTR but once LOTR was written I wish that every copy of The Hobbit had disappeared so that a proper grown up version (as glimpsed in the LOTR appendices and unfinished tales) could replace it .... Tralalally gone for ever ...Yesssssssssssssss

Ack! Now I know where I got those genes... ;)

And I find writing for elves in RPGs beyond me at the moment, especially the insane bard type that I have had to adopt. He seems the ultimate anti-elf. :( Well, maybe I should reserve that honor (?) for Naiore, the other adopted elf in The Lingering Darkness!

I knew you would crack under pressure sooner or later.

Now, just walk into the cell and you might get off easy. Don't make this hard for yourselves and the good boys in blue. ;)

I got to follow right behind Esty, and am guilty of parodiness. My worst one (or to me the one I actually like the most) was Sam's and his george foreman grill...oh boy :rolleyes: .

I guess you could also convict me of high treason too. I was kind of glad when Jackson made Helm's Deep the primary climax of TTT, instead of suggesting what Tolkien did in Letter 210 in that the Ents are the more important and if time is necessary Helm's Deep should be cut. :eek:

The Lord of the Grins
 

I feel someone has stolen some of my stolen work, it is actually Stan Gamble and his Gorge Fourmen grill................................

Le Confession
 

Waaaaay back in the day, I wrote about half of a Legomance, the original sin of LotR fanfiction. To my credit, however...
1. It wasn't a Tenth Walker story, as she met up with the Fellowship in Lothlorien,
2. It wasn't an "OMG sad abused girl falls into Middle-earth SQUEEEEEEEEE" sort of story, and
3. The story was never posted anywhere and has since been deleted from my computer. :D

I want to know just how many of us have drawn pictures of "The Death of Boromir"?

Some time ago Saucepan posted a picture he drew so I know I'm not alone. I've still got mine somewhere. Aragorn and Boromir both had long-ish hair - probably in slight mullet styles, it being the 80s. And Boromir was stuck full of arrows, with a bit of red pencil crayoned in round them to represent blood.

I also want to know how many people used to draw Elves as I did - tall and thin, with pointy ears and large, oddly distended eyes, rather like aliens?

I may try to find the notebook I had when a child which I used to create characters in, as its full of bad drawings. Then I could scan some if I'm feeling brave and we might have a 'show and tell'. ;)

Spockú.

Oh, and I played a "Dark Elf" on one or two occasions.

*sighs and holds her hands out to be cuffed*

My crimes as they stand are:

I dislike elves.

I love the movies, own all three, and have LOTR movie-thons on a regular basis with a friend who has the extended editions. (12 straight hours of Tolkienish goodness, baby. :cool: )

I own LOTR Trivial Pursuit, and I've never lost a game of it. (Is that a crime?)

I've RP'd as a non-Tolkien race. (Tuatha De Danaan) I also maintain that this should have been in ME. :p

And, perhaps worst of all, I've never read The Hobbit.

Innocent.

As long as it's not the EE versions, innocent.

Guilty.

Sketchy.

Innocent.

I found the volumes of HoME that I read to be largely boring. The notable exception being the Lays of Beleriand, which I did enjoy. But volumes 1-2, 4, and I think I picked up 7... nuh-uh.

I've never written parodies, but my cousin and I have live-acted parodies of given scenes of LotR. :D

Oh ho! I sense competition! Perhaps we will have to challenge each other at some point. ;)

Ouch.

One more crime- Actually writing a tenth walker story. Though no romance was involved, and I never finished it for posting. (I would rather shrivel up and die.)

Middle Earth Idol and Mount Zoom Challenge.

'Nuff said. :rolleyes:

Shouldn't we count the werewolf games as well? Especially games of WereCat, WereDuck, WereOrc, and WerePenguin?

You just had to go and pull those cards out didn't you? :p

I am actually in more treason for the Middle Earth Idol than all of the contestants: It was me and Sleepy Cowell who came up with this idea. Start chucking the microphones already. :rolleyes:

And perhaps one of my biggest crimes of all is number 11 in the first post of this thread. I swear, I don't go around telling people that! :o

I find it amusing and tenuously relevant how the Werewolf games were originally well-linked to Tolkien and slowly digressed to the present level of insanity and uncanonicity. Animalia...

Do you want the writers of the Yule Log to come and get you? :p