The Barrow Downs Newspaper
Read all about it, Extra! Local Wight rises from the dead! Time space continuum found dead in shop window! Idiot makes fake newspaper!
I've decided to present the Official* Barrow Downs Newspaper as a topic here. For two reasons: 1) I don't want to fill up the 'Who’s got the best signature' thread with my rubbish. And 2) Now everyone can join in on the fun! :D Here is the plan... I'll post the weekly front page and anyone can post an inside story of their choice. It can be any section of a Newspaper; Politics, current affairs, sport, literature; you could even make some puzzles if you want! Just post your story here! Remember, this is Mirth, so make it funny, or you'll be cast out! (Note: Only the front page will be posted as a picture, the others can be normal post unless you really want to include pictures). Oh, and you can write under a pseudonym if you wish. Also, if you wish to write a front page story, contact me by PM with your proposal. If it passes my 'funny' test, then I'll put it on the next front page! Have fun! I'll be updating every Monday... hopefuly. Week 1: http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ws/Week001.jpg *May not actually be Official |
Ahhh good idea!
Here's one for an inside page. Middle Earth Idol Cancelled!? By Glirdan Tirithedain The new hit series "Middle Earth Idol" has lately come to a rolling stop. The contestants have song their songs, but the judges are nowhere to be found!? It has been heard that Vala Seacrest has lately taken on the role of moderating another fun game "Werewolf". Our dearly beloved (and always seemingly drunk because she's always too happy) Wilwa Abdul has been missing in action for almost a month. Has she gone to a rehab? Or is she off trying to find a new husband? One of the co-creators of this hit series, Glirdy Jackson, has been heard to have gone on vacation because his brain is on the fritz. The final judge who we all love to hate, Sleepy Cowell, has not been seen around for quite some time. Will this hit new series continue? Or will it turn into a flop like the "The Middle Earth Americain Football Tournament"? Only time, and perhaps a bit of extra cash, will tell. Note: Any questions about what I have put in here, please feel free to ask me...through PM's of course. |
Game-Warden to the Events Rhino
Special Report:
Mount Zoom under threat! By Hamish McWelshman The infamous 'Mount Zoom Challenge' came under scrutiny today after a press conference by the creator, a Mr. H Goomba, said, "If the players won't play, then we'll have to close it down." There was a lot of confusion going on with players dropping in and out, posts being very short and a general lack of interest. A Pit stop was called to give the players a chance to recuperate, finish exams and other such annoyances. However, with the end of the Pit stop, last Saturday, so far none of the players have progressed the game. If the latest challenge is unattended, then the game will be abandoned. Sauron was quoted in an interview, saying, "I'm furious, obviously. My Mountain of Doom is far superior to the others and I need to prove it to all of Middle Earth!" So far, none of the players have been available for comment. |
Missing Persons Bulletin
By Glirdan Tirithedain on behalf of Crystal Heart Two of the members from a new Shire RPG, Dimutriel and Witch_Queen, have been missing for awhile. If anyone has spotted these two members or has any information about them, please notify the creator of the "Days of Darkness" RPG, Crystal Heart, as soon as possible. There is a reward of a million cookies being rewarded to anybody with information on these two missing members. You are allowed to berate them in anyway (ie. hit them, yell at them, hit them, force feed them cookies and hit them [make sure it's not to hard though. We still need them to post for their charcters after all]). Please notify the authoriy ASAP and thank you for your ghostly support in this matter. Approved by Crystal Heart - worried game owner |
Culture Section: Play reviews.
By Tom Bombadull
Today saw the opening of the infamous Davem's one-man show, "In search of the Legendarium". This emotional journey will bring even the most hardened Wight to tears and will probably change your entire life. The acting is outstanding, the music is unforgettable and the props will literally throw you out of your seats! If you're in town this week, I highly recommend this! http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...avemposter.jpg If that's not your thing, also opening this week is Gil-Gallad's version of Superman, showing at the alternative theatre. However, don't expect any of the action of special effects of the latest films, no. This play includes Gil running around with the cape over his head, speaking muffled lines and performing odd fight scenes. The other actors are fine, the music is good and the lighting is admirable, if he'd take the cape off his head, it would probably be a good show. http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...superWight.jpg Films: The only big film on the horizon is Hookbill the Goomba's documentary film "Crazy Captions: The Movie" to be re-named 'Crazy Captions: Beneath the cloak' in Gondor. Here, the Goomba looks into the success of the thread and asks the questions everyone wishes he hadn’t. http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...CrazyMove2.jpg |
Week 2 begins...
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Outrageous!
Typical journalistic misreporting. I was not a frying pan, but actually a kettle. And, rather than being completely deflated, it lost a small amount of air before the puncture was happily repaired. There is a lesson to be learned here, however. Inflatable kitchenwear is a false economy. :rolleyes: |
Well, after considering your comments, the Downer newspaper has decided to offer an official apology and give you two tickets to see the Argonath's world tour, beginning tomorrow in Berlin.
Anyway... Local Wight Buried in Dog Avalanche By Harold House After a long night of Crazy Captioning, a local Wight was today buried under a Dog avalanche outside the Dead Inn in the north of the Barrow Downs. Police are still investigating the incident and refusing to allow the dogs to be removed due to a fear of losing evidence. The Wight in question later suffocated. |
Fact X Importance = NEWS!
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Sports Here are this weeks Football / soccer results. Barrow Downs League Moderators united – 3 Chest Pains Athletic – 0 Rotten Skin FC – 9 Legless legs – 2 Wethertop Paragraph – 0 Midge water hysterical – 1 Gregory Arithmetic – 2 Hobbiton Inflation – 6 Bywater tentacle Vs Buckland swelling Match postponed due to orange pitch Education The Barrow Downs minister for education announced this week that dead children are to be banned from schools. A survey showed that dead children don't do enough work and distract the other children due to teasing and smells. Head teachers have welcomed the scheme saying that it will reduce classroom sizes and also leave the canteen freer to living people. Barrow Wights have called the decision 'disgraceful', 'horrible', 'shocking', and 'disgraceful'. |
As with all self-respecting newspapers, The Downer has it's own small comic strip. This one is called 'The Phantom and Alien'.
Enjoy. http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...s/PandA001.jpg |
This is the News... Happy now?
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[QUOTE=Hookbill the Goomba]Today saw the opening of the infamous Davem's one-man show, "In search of the Legendarium". This emotional journey will bring even the most hardened Wight to tears and will probably change your entire life. The acting is outstanding, the music is unforgettable and the props will literally throw you out of your seats!
If you're in town this week, I highly recommend this! QUOTE] Or else Davem is just looking for Lalwende who had snuck off to the cinema with Boro ..is this the first item for the "Downer" gossip column? ;) |
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Entertainment Section
Middle-Earth Idol Competition Back on it's feet...Somewhat...
By Glirdan Tirithedain This hit new series has finally gotten off it's back and onto it's feet...well...sort of. It was heard that Glirdy Jackson, one of the co-creators, was heard complaining to the other judges about communication. In an interview, Glirdy had this to say: "We have no communication with each other. Only Cowell and Seacrest seem to know what the challenge is for the next week without consulting the other judges. Yes I know that Cowell is technically the creator and that Seacrest is the host, but Wilwa and myself should still get a vote, should we not?" Will the judges and host eventually come to an agreement? Or will it be a flop? Only time, and a really good detective, will tell. |
I see I got promoted between weeks three and four too.
Wouldn't it be a scary world if I was a police officer? :D Anyway, I think Mithalwen has unwittingly demonstrated her suitability to be the 3am 'gossip' Girl. :p |
Entertainement Part 2
Interview with Hookbill the Goomba
By Scary Gary We were able to catch up with this weeks eviction from Middle-Earth Idol, Hookbill the Goomba. Quote:
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Watch out for next weeks edition where CID Lalwendë discovers a man made of cheese. |
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don't get the 3am girl ref but this is surely more material.... :p
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Since the weather outside is frightful (Hot) I thought this would be a little refreshing.....
Can you spot all the LOTR things? |
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- Barrad Dash... I mean, Barad-Dûr Tree - Reindeer ridden by Nazgûl - Fellowship in snow-globe - Ring letters on reef - Hobbit stockings That's all I could see. :D |
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Hmm, maybe The 'Downer is an altogether more high-brow read anyway. It's better than Metro anyway. ;) |
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http://recollectionbooks.com/bleed/i...humor/lard.jpg Erm... You may want to ignore that... |
Appointments Think you're funny? Not afraid to deal with uncloaked wizards? Slightly satirical? Then we want YOU! Crazy Captions Inc. is seeking Humour Representatives to sell funnies to bring amusement to the dullest days of Downers across the world. Hours to suit. Commission paid for every new joke made. Basic £5.50 p.h. OTE £20,000. "Crazy Captions Inc. is the best employer ever. I would fully recommend working here." - Hookbill, Head of Captions. *********** |
My day with a misunderstood Balrog, and exclusvie interview by Gil-Galad
Gil-Galad: We have here today one Johnny the Stinky Balrog, now mr.balrog, how did you come by this name? Johnny: well when i was a kid, there was this tar pit near by filled with all these things that fell into it from above, my mommy always told me not to go near but i was hungry... and i fell in...and i basically never got the stench out GG: terrible, so now you wander around Middle-Earth *looks at paper* helping strangers with their problems and rasing a Penguin army. JB: ah yes, i mainly travel around now, setting fire to this and eating that guys horse, but i often enjoy sailing GG: oh really? how does a Balrog sail? JB:by not telling the crew theres a Balrog onboard! ha ha ha! GG: Hilaurious, now Mr.Joh- JB:hey can you get some special effect guy to make a picture of that? GG: we can try, but now Johnny, about this latest thing, where you burned down a local make-up store because of being turned down by a lady, do you care to explain? JB: well it wan't one of my proud moments... but she broke my heart and now i'm miserable...er...but thats the past GG:indeed...do you have any plans for the future? JB: of course i do and thanks for asking, i will plan on joining a wandering minstrel group and see how that works out...Lovely Spam... GG: excuse me? did you just say lovely spam? JB: maybe...maybe...no *eats spider* GG:woah... now did you just eat that spider? JB: i have no idea at what your talking about GG: you just ate that spider! JB:i did not GG: i swear i just saw you eat that spider! JB:i did not, now if you continue this rabling i might as well just leave GG: your the one rambling! you ate that spider! JB:i did not... wait... didn't you get killed off or something? GG:...no now i think thats all the time we have JB: hey yeah you did get killed off! GG: hey look an eagle! *runs off* After report: i never heard from him again, he was an interesting fellow and i would love to do more interviews of certain downers if one Goomba that may or may not have a bill that may or may not be hooked allows me to. Tune into more of my awesomeness and a PM may be coming to you soon! |
The Red Planet Approaches Earth!!
by Naria Stargazer Yes, that's right people! Mars is coming to Earth. Within the month of August Mars will get ever closer to Earth; finally being seen by the naked eye on the night of August 27th, 2006. This will NOT happen again for another 60,000 years...so grab your friends and family and be a witness to this awesome spectacle. |
The Downer: it’s like a nicely toasted Fact sandwich
Letters to the Editor...
These were not made up... much... Quote:
Dear Mrs. Jekkaalg, Thank you for your letter regarding The Downer. You will receive a packet of floss. The price tag was a popular subject this week... Quote:
Thank you for you comments. You will receive two balls of glue. And again, the price was the subject of the next letter... Quote:
Thank you for your input. You get a table made of cheese. But the letters weren’t all full of praise. Quote:
I think you're a load of old Dwarf Droppings. |
[QUOTE=Lalwendë]You mean you don't read the Mirror with your morning coffee? :eek:
QUOTE] Good grief no, much more a case of the Telegraph with my evening gin & tonic ...unless it is Saturday in which case it might be coffee ..... don't generally imbibe before tiffin ;) Also I live in the sticks ... we don't get Metro, instead local life is supported by the delightfully anachronistic Lymington Times. I rather think the Downer is closer to the Guardian..... |
News on the New facts...
As any editor of a high brow newspaper knows, the public these days are not interested in politics or business. They want controversy and scandal! That's why The Downer is now coming with a free supplement for all those types of things...
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It's News... but not as you know it!
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i told you i found that Rhino in my basement! |
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...h/News/New.jpg Wow!
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Oh, lest I forget. The latest adventures of The Phantom and Alien. http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...s/PandA003.jpg |
Entertainment Section 1
Interview with Survivor Hosts
By George Kidney The hit series Survivor has lately come to a stop. What happened to the All Star Survivor that was supposed to happen? I was able to catch up with all of the previous hosts (with the exception of Anguirel who seemed to be sick with something called the Mublewumps) to get their thoughts. Quote:
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Will this final chapter in the Survivor series happen? Or will Glirdan's dream be a complete wash out? If you're interested in Moderating this All Star game, pleas let any of the previous moderators know and they'll set up an interview. |
As ELO once said... "Here is the News"
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The return of everyone's favourite comedy double act!
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Davem looks like he has a role in "The Full Monty" :D
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didn't he ?
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~ Ka |
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