Predictions about The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
So while we were on the bus coming home tonight, Agan and I started talking about the next Hobbit movie. We agreed that the Unexpected Journey's storyline followed that of the Fellowship of the Ring, so we started wondering if The Desolation of Smaug will be like the Two Towers. We started making stupid jokes and silly predictions of ridiculous rip-offs and then we realised we might actually not be very far off. And that's why we wanted to make this thread:
What silly/ridiculous/ludicrous déjà vu moments will we have when watching The Desolation of Smaug? Let me start with these three: 1. The battle of Dol Guldur aka the Battle of Helm's Deep. An unexpected group of Elves will arrive in the darkest moment. Their leader is a prince who is disobeying his uncle - wait FATHER! - who doesn't want to meddle in the good guys' cause because he doesn't want to risk his people. 2. Dol Guldur aka Isengard will be washed with the water of the Mirkwood River that finally can run free! 3. Thorin aka Aragorn will fake die... oops, that already happened in the first movie! But I wouldn't really put it past Peter Jackson that when Thorin emerges from the river (in a barrel) he's half dead and will be lovingly woken up by Bilbo aka horse. At least I hope there's not going to be any Elf lady waving her pretty white fingers to make him awake. Give me more! edit: There's actually proof about the barrels, I seriously hope PJ doesn't botch it! |
Beorn standing on the Carrock with long blonde hair flowing and looking wistful? :D
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In any case, Gandalf will emerge from the dialogue with looking at the leaving prince, muttering to himself "this lad is brave and has a good heart. He might have a role to play in the future." Quote:
P.S. Oh, and one more short thing. Pretty sure about this one. After the battle with the spiders, the Dwarves are in a merry mood: "Ho, ho! Look at this! We have defeated the spiders! Not to speaking of our magnificent burglar, we're a bunch of Dwarves who are armed to the teeth and can fight any danger!" "And are breathing so loud that we could shoot you all where you stand," says a beautiful blonde elf appearing from behind a tree. |
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Also the dwarves get separated in Mirkwood. There will be one group with lines such as "Mr Thorin! We're going in circles!" and another that is about to get eaten but escapes and is rescued by Radagast (or something), and in one Kili climbs a tree and points out that a red sun is rising. |
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Not entirely in line with the original thread idea, but...
Legolas is going to teach Bard to shoot or vice versa :eek::eek:
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i5...s006059e5.jpeg PS. Note also the sideburns and Orlando's creepy eyes. |
The elves with Dol Guldor, it never really mentions how they drive Sauron out of the place so the elves might have a role to play especially since the fortress is in their forest.
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That is Bard? Why on earth did the give him a mullett..... aieeee......
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Bard's hair being more filthy and unwashed than Aragorn's. :p
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Thus, we do get a recycled Two Towers sequence, but it was cut because of head scratching "Arwen was not at Helm's Deep" protest. No one can protest a disobedient elven foster-daughter princess was not at the Battle of Dol Guldur! ;) |
I have a feeling the White Council might reappear because Saruman was going to aid the council for the last time and drive Sauron out of Dol Guldur.
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Dwarves will step in bear crap walking out of Beorn's house after spending the night there. Better yet, they will fall face first in it.
Bilbo will knock a fat spider out of a tree only to have it land on top of him. Cue the laugh track. An orc pursued by Beorn will run off of a cliff, do a double take, and then fall - Wile E. Coyote style. Kili will skateboard on a tree, or a barrel, or a spider, or something even more ridiculous. |
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Unfortunately, that picture of Bard and Legolas on set and in costume is a pretty clear indication that Leggy will get shoehorned into the Battle of Five Armies.
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I expect a dinosaur stampede led by Jack Black as Thorin's sister, Dis.
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the orc holding up a sign saying: "Oops. Which way to Barad-dur" after being handed an anvil by Beorn. |
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I am all for Legolas playing a big role in the story and being at Thranduil's side. |
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There haven't been any dwarf-tossing jokes yet... but they'll have a chance to add some while tossing ropes to catch the boat in Mirkwood.
Peter Jackson will add an epic battle scene in which the Elves attack the spiders, giving Legolas a chance to show his archery skills while climbing on a spider's back. |
In homage to those who still use the word attercop, all the spiders in Mirkwood will be voiced by famous Lancastrians such as Peter Kay, Christopher Eccleston, Mark E Smith, Maxine Peake and Jane Horrocks. The webs will be made of Man U scarves and their poison of old Greenhalgh's mild left over from the 1972 Preston Guild. The company will escape by cunningly claiming to be Yorkshiremen, at which point the attercops will chase them off in disgust.
Bilbo is also going to ride a spider while Stan Lee appears in a cameo as a elf. |
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That's Bard? :eek: He looks like Orlando Bloom's character from Pirates of the Caribbean or Inigo Montoya. I always pictured him as more Aragorn and less pirate. :p
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Just as long as Smaug isn't portrayed as stupid when Bilbo tries to riddle the conversation with him. He was confused because of unfamiliarity with Hobbit smell. We don't need a "What? What's that supposed to mean?" moment
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Back in the 1970s, there were a crop of one-hit-wonder bands called things like Chicory Tip and Golden Earring.
We have a quiz show in the UK called Never Mind the Buzzcocks where random members of such bands from yesteryear join a line-up of suspects and the quiz panelists have to guess who is the real band member. Bard the Bowman looks like he's stepped out of one of those line-ups. |
Woah that picture of Bard! For a moment I genuinely thought Orlando Bloom was playing both characters!
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