Unfortunately, he got rescued anyway.

Fortunately, Gandalf made a fortune selling off
condo shares to his development atop Chez Orthanc
(touted for its great views and history) to Gondorian
upper mobile types. Especially attractive was the short
commute via unemployed pteradactyls to Minas Tirith.

Gandalf then used his earnings to redevelop his
new venture, Minas Morgul Estates.

Unfortunately the Mouth of Sauron, CEO of Mount Zoom Enterprises, feared what Gandalf was doing was creating a monoply and he appealed to the White Council Board to put a halt to Gandalf gaining control of all the businesses of Middle-earth.

Fortunately, MOS had suffering shares that went to the negatives when Mount Zoom finally died. In other words, he was extremely poor.

Unfortunately, someone took pity on him and wrote him a check for 5 billion silver pennies.

Fortunately, the check bounced due to the fact that this check and the only person who cared to write it, was Sauron, who was cheap enough for pennies had pulled out too many loans anyways...

Unfortunately for MOS and Gandalf, the
son of Fredegar Bolger (Freddy the Enormous)
leveredged his civil suit settlement from the
nazgul [for nassty torture] into controlling interest in FINB (the First
Ithilien National Bank) to gain control of Minas
Morgul Estates (cadgily using his silent partner
Beregond as front man).

merry talk like a pirate day
 

Fortunately nobody had any hard feelings...yarr...

I aim to confuse
 

Unfortunately, an earth-worm was eaten by a bird and nobody even knew about it.

Fortunately nobody knew about Rune posting anyways...yarr...

Unfortunately, the earthworm being eaten was actually Radagast, trying to get in touch with his wormy side.

Fortunately, since matter can neither be created or destroyed, Radagast simply coalesced together again.

Unfortunately, a large amount of antimatter hit him.

Fortunately, this caused a temporal rift that sent Radagast back to his house, safe and sound.

Unfortunately, his house was on fire.

Fortunately it was just a Balrog sleepwalking

Unfortunately, it woke up and was angry with everything! :eek:

Fortunately, it soon realized its mistake, and became friends with Radagast.

Unfortunately, Radagast was the greatest back-stabber ever and he stole the Balrog's favourite teddy. :(

Fortunately, this all happened in another dimention, so whatever did happen didn't really matter to the real Radagast and balrog.

Unfortunately, it turned out that this RtB was
actually Morgoth (having qualified for a work
release rehab program of the Valar) who relapsed
(actually rereleapsed) and decided to bring up
Thangorodrim from the ocean depths---Osse being
on a time share holiday at undersea Numenor.

Unfortunately, it turned out that this RtB was
actually Morgoth (having qualified for a work
release rehab program of the Valar) who relapsed
(actually rerelapsed) and decided to bring up
Thangorodrim from the ocean depths---Osse being
on a time share holiday at undersea Numenor.

Fortunately, Morgoth was H2O intolerant, so trying to raise anything from the depths of the ocean was out of the question.

Unfortunately, his H2O intolerance was cured by the new allergy medicine invented by Sauron.

fortunately all the allergy medicine was sold out

Poof!
 

Unfortuantely, Eru decided that allergies were a thing of the past and made them no-more, replacing then with nasty rabbits crawling around in your head

fortuantely the rabits were vegetarians

Unfortunately, there were no vegetables around, so they decided to eat meat! :eek:

Fortunately it was fell beast meat.

Unfortunately the Fell Beasts had eaten organic
Fell Beast Spinach and they all got sick.

Fortunately, eating the meat made the nasty rabbits sick as well.

Unfortunately it was just a minor cold.

fortunately all the rabbits died

Unfortunately, an either drunk or high - it was hard to tell - Gandalf stumbled into the room and made the Rabbits come to life and do a silly dance.

fortunately the dance was the tango

Unfortunately, the rabbits ate Gandalf. (please don't ask how.)

Fortunately, I had to ask Menel why did the rabbits eat Gandalf?

Unfortunately, the answer was so disturbing that one's head is forced to explode.

fortunately no one we know got hurt

Unfortunately, that would mean we had alienated Boromir88... :(