Fortuantely Ungoliant doesn't do drugs and is a strong supported of the anti-drug movement


(you do realize we turned from ungoliant into shelob)

Unfortunately Shelob's strength and conditioning
coach (and we knows who that is, don't we
preciouss?) told her it was just a vitamin pill and she took it.

Fortunately Shelob actually didn't exist in this story, we were orignally talking about Ungoliant and some people got confused, but now its all Ungoliant

Oops!

Unfortunately Ungoliant's strength and conditioning
coach (Morgoth)
told her it was just a vitamin pill and she took it.

Fortunately, it had the reather unpleasant side effect of making her head explode.

Unfortunately, the confusing events in this story were actually the cause of DC totally murdering their continuity again, thus resulting in a marring of continuity so horrific that all of Middle-Earth had its continuity destroyed. In a second, all of the odd things building up over the weeks came together. The One Ring became a cheerio, Shelob was the same spider as Ungoliant, A million werewolf games sprang up in a day (it's usually a billion,) all the reps made to cry rivers actually turned into rivers, Anduril somehow became Elrond's sword, Huan turned out to be spanish, All the characters in the new survivor were actually poorly made clones created by EA, and people spent all their time being complete pricks and claiming that Eru didn't exist even when they had the worst arguements ever.

Finally, this post was so large that this thread got a clogged artery and had a heart attack.

Fortunately, this thread was a pheonix and afterits heart attack death, it began anew like this

Fortunately, Gimli finally found something to eat

Unfortunately it began with a murder.

Fortunately, Gimli was a respected Cannibal and everyone understood his ways

Unfortunately, he didn't share.

Fortunately, Mount Zoom ran over him.

Unfortunately cannabalistic dwarves are also famously
noted for their appetites and Gimli ate Mount Zoom.

Fortunately, Mount Zoom was instantly repaired by massive hordes of orcs.

Unfortunately, it Imploded Immediately afterwards.

Fortunately, the black hole it created caused a rip in the time space continuum and via a large number of incredibly improbable coincidences and random sciencey things, Mount Zoom was fully functional once again.

Unfortunately, it got zapped into an alternate universe where Man created buildings 50 storey's high and there was no such thing as Elves, Dwarves, Hobbits, Orcs, Urkhai, Wizards and Ents. :p

Fortunately that Alternate universe also had an Alternate-Unvierse Portal to bring Mount Zoom back

Unfortunately, Mount Zoom never came back because it suddenly combusted. Later, it was learned that the higher powers of the world made this happen because Mount Zoom appeared far too much and had turned from something cool into a sell-out.

Fortunately Eru felt sorry for Mount Zoom and
rooted it on an island just offshore of Aman where
it became a popular casino gambling resort for
stay-at-home elvsees who wanted a cheap thrill
despite not having Noldor drive to see the wider world.

Unfortunately, the gambling corrupted the elves and they all turned into orcs.

Fortunately, they were good orcs.

Unfortunately, that oxy-moron destroyed Middle-Earth again.

Fortunately, the Original OXyMoron(Perky) saved it on the brink of destruction

I assume you're talking about The Perky Ent.
 

Unfortunately, Saruman cut Perky down and made him into a table and a set of chairs.

Fortunately the dinet set made of Perky wood, was exsquisite, one of a kind, so of course Eru put it up for auction on ebay.

Unfortunately, it was too expensive.

Fortunately, he forgot to put a reserve on it and someone bought it for a shilling.

Unfortunately, this person was actually Sauron.

Fortunately, Frodo and Sam managed to sneak into Mordor with the Ring while Sauron was occupied with buying the entish dining room set.

Unfortunately, it really wasn't Mordor, the Hobbits were walking in front of a giant Green Screen.

Fortunately, the giant Green Screen could fly and carried Sam and Frodo into Mordor.

Unfortunately; it broke on the way and they fell in front of the armies of Mordor.

Fortunately, they didn't know the dire importance of capturing these two hobbits for their master...so the Mordor army fixed the flying Green Screen and sent Frodo and Sam back on their way.

Unfortunately Frodo gave the Ring to the orc army in payment
for fixing the Green Screen.

Fortunately, The Orc army gave the ring to a cave-troll in payment for that weed problem, while the troll gave the ring to the eagle in payment of taking the troll's mutant-dog for a walk, and the eagle gave the ring to Johnny the Stinky Balrog™ in payment for staying away from their eeries

Unfortunately, Johnny swore permanent allegiance to Sauron.

Fortunately, Sauron burnt the contract when he looked too closely at it.

Unfortunately, Saruman had a notarized agreement, signed by
Johnny, that he had second call on any Ring of Power Johnny got
if anyone else botched an opportunity to obtain it.

Fortuantley Saruman is just a jerk and nobody really likes him so they never listen to what he says

Unfortunately, this had a long history. Saruman final broke under the pressure and vowed to 'destroy all of Middle Earth' until he was taken seriously. Put that one in the papers!