Hullo, TheWindsorStar ! Welcome to the 'Downs, and to this goofy li'l thread.
(We have GOT to be WAY over 101...)

LOL! These are great, they are so funny!

Sam: What the hell is in elf?

Frodo: I need a hug.
*a few million teenage girls fight to be the one who gives him a hug*
Legolas: I need a hug.
*teenage girls leave Frodo*

Eowyn: Ewww! Strider has cooties!

Frodo: So let me make sure I understand this, Elrond. You are going to send four of the most sheltered people in Middle Earth, who don't even know which end of the sword to hold, and one of whom's voice is still changing to do WHAT?!? No @#$%^&* way!

Pippin: (looking at feet) Maybe I should shave that.

Orc in Cirith Ungol: What the hell is wrong with his feet?

Hobbits tap dancing (Inside joke alert!)
An elf singing off key
A manly looking elf

Aragorn: I think I'll take a nice bubble bath and listen to my Enya CD.

Dernhelm: (PMSing) Nobody understands me! Where is my midol?!? *starts to cry*
Theoden: There's something wrong with that boy.

saruman to sauron: are you feeling okay? your eye is a little red.

sauron: yeah, so i've killed, and destroyed, and terrorized people in middle earth for a long time, but does anyone care when i have a bad day? (giant flaming tears fall)

elves: (wearing T-shirts) "never underestimate the power of stupid people (Men) in large groups.

sauron: i'm thinking of getting my eyelid pierced.

gandalf: another grass stain? and in my white robe too! this will never come out! i guess they'll have to change my name to Gandalf the Slightly Greenish. drat.

aragorn to gandalf: and all this time, i thought that ring on your finger was of a wife that you never told anyone about!

bilbo flipping through his books: oh, paper cut!

Samwise: your quote made me think of a good one:

Frodo: "For the last time Sam; you are NOT coming with me! (Wacks Sam over head with oar.) "Geez! Some people just can't take 'No' for an answer!"

Aragorn, when he sees Eowyn: Arwen, Arwen, you're engaged to Arwen, think Arwen...

Sauron: Hm, should I get color contacts? [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

Sauron at the battle of the black gate:Wait!wait!eyelash!eyelash!
-----
Eowyn to Arwen:so, your immortal, huh?(shifty eyes)
-----
Gollum to the Ring:look, youre just too demanding. im dumping you, sorry.
-----
Feanor:that sucker morgoth, those silmarils are completaly plastic
-----
Beren:that song was great and all, but i actually like being dead
-----
Sam:so why did bilbo actually give you the ring?
Frodo:i think it stemmed from:hey, bilbo, if you replace the b's in your name with d's you get....
-----
this one was inspired by someone, im not sure who tho....
Merry to Aragorn:hey...Trotter,doesnt it suck being a hobbitt sometimes?
Aragorn:shut up

Witch King to the other Nazguls: Come on you guys we're already so late.

Nazgul #4: Wait, I'm almost done. It's so hard being a Nazgul and all. Black just so isn't my color! I'm more of a pinkish you know?
*All other Nazguls agree, but one replies in a slightly gayish voice; "I hear you sista!"
*Nazguls pause* Then they get back to talking about how pink is more their color.

Witch King: Hey shut the f*** up u f***** pansies, we're f***** nazguls not f***** hobbits.

*Sam and Frodo walk by*
Frodo: Hey excuuuze me! Are you trying to imply that we're gay!

Sam: Yeah cuz we are so not! *Sam has his hand in Frodo's back pocket.

*Nazguls stare at them for a few moments* "You know what, black is more our color...."

Sorry, no offense to hobbits. I love hobbitses:-)

Bilbo at his party; OK everyone, I have two rules at my party here. The first is no smoking pipes and the second is no drinking. Thank you.

[ May 02, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

This is inspired by a short story called The Necklace.
Frodo: Gandalf, I lost the ring.
Gandalf: What do you mean? You returned it.
Frodo: That was a replacement Sam and I bought.
Gandalf: But the ring I lent you was just paste!
Frodo: [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img] [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

Frodo: im not takin it you take it
Aragorn: what you takin bout frodo
Legolas: shut up short round [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Nazguls stop at Bree gate (this was inspired by one of the quotes above, sorry forgot the person's name):

Nazgul to Frodo: Hey,um excuse me, I'm terribly sorry for disturbing you, but you see, my boss, a rather uncharming grumpy eye who is very controlling, but also a splendid guy once you get to know him, but he has me and my other friends here with me,
(Nazguls wave and say hello)
well, he has us looking for this short little dude with a ring that is supposedly his, and he wants us to get the...um.... little person and bring him back to him...and see,

Frodo: Are you almost done, I get what your saying. You want to know if I've seen this "little dude", by the way, we're hobbits, and you want us to tell you where this hobbit is am I right?

Nazgul: Oh yes, that would be most helpful!

Frodo: Oh yeah, I'm sorry, he....died.. yeah he was in a terrible..uh...pillow fighting contest...yeah, he got savagedly beat in the head. Poor ol' guy, a good friend of mine too!

Nazgul: *emotional* Oh, oh I'm really very sorry. That's so awful. Yeah, I once knew this wight who was killed by a flying boar. Hard for me too, he was a beloved friend of mine. Well, um I guess you wouldn't happen to know where this ring is would you?

Frodo: No, sorry I don't.

Nazgul: Ok, well I'll just have to go back and tell the master that I couldn't find it. Yeah, he won't be too happy, but what can I do......pillow fight *fighting back a tear*, oh it sounds brutal, very sad. Ok, well gooday to you sir hobbit and I'm sorry about your friend.

Frodo: Ok thank you very much Nazgul dude, good luck with the whole dead thing. It must be hard to keep warm and stuff.

Nazgul: Oh thank you, yeah and my fingers keep decaying too, but nothing much. Toodles!

Frodo: *thinking to himself*. Wow, They live for thousands of years and you'd think they would only get smarter...

Ha! That's a good one, Lothiriel Silmarien! Poor Frodo, a pillow-fighting contest. Sam must be really depressed. [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]

Sauron: Lord of the Rings? Who wants that? It is so passe. From now on I'm Lord of the Earrings! Or maybe noserings...

Saruman: Have you hugged a tree today?

Elrond at Council: Frodo! Raise your hand and wait to be called on!

Goblins: Welcome to Moria! Visit historic Balin's tomb or enjoy our excellent restaurant, Durin's Diner. Stop at the gift shop on your way out and don't forget to tip the Balrog!

I could keep going but i don't want to be shunned for the rest of my life. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] Ha, there are some hilarious ones up here, "Sam: "Workers everywhere, UNITE!" (ElanorGamgee) Lol!

Thanks Nevfeniel [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] Finally someone read one of my quote thingys!!!! Yeah, Sam would be all depressed and stuff. Sam will have to find someone else and he definetly won't be happy about that! lol

This is somthing I could not imagine Frodo say to Sam:

Frodo: Sam, you can`t have Rosy! Shes mine! God damn Rosy`s butt is so sexy! [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

Legolas: I'm every do gorgeous.

In Bilbos house:

Gandalf: Bilbo you still have the ring
Bilbo: Oh yes
Bilbo turns and runs while yelling "sucker"

Inspired by the "Pillow Fight" sorry, forgot posters name, me bad [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img] hope this post makes up for it!
(Setting: Battle of Pelennor Fields, Eowyn's just done her whole "But no living man am I!" speech, but she hasn't killed any winged steeds of evil. yet.)
Merry(taps Witch-King on the back): Um, excuse me, dude, but your flying horse.. skinny bird.. thing.. is really scaring my friends, so, um, y'know, if you could just...
Witch-King: Just what? Just move? Just get out of your way? That's all anyone ever says to me! Not even Sauron or the other Nazgul appreciate me! *bursts into tears* Nazgul have feelings to y'know! I feel... so alone, so unwanted! I'm just doin' my job, y'know? And all these people trying to kill me and all? *turns to Merry* y'know what I mean?
Merry(sympathetically): I'm so sorry, man, I just had no idea... (puts arm around Witch-King) But it'll be okay, right? You'll make some friends, right?
Witch-King: *sniff* do you know of any singles bar that allows me through the door without screamin' or tryin' to kill me?
Merry: Well, I'm always here for you!
Audience: Aww!
Witch-King (wipes eyes): Thanks hobbit dude!
Eowyn (throws down sword in disgust): Ugh! How am I supposed to kill anybody with these two sentimental schmucks in the way? *turns around, starts walking* I'm gonna go play with my Barbies! This is no fun anymore!
Merry: Uh, Eowyn, Rohan is that way (points in opposite direction)
Eowyn: ARGH! (turns around, goes in other direction). I'm telling my Uncle!

[ May 02, 2002: Message edited by: Aosama, the Wandering Star ]

Aosama, the Wandering Star, you've inspired me:
Setting: as above post
Merry, tapping the Witch-King on the back: Do you mind moving you're winged steed, you've double parked and i can't get my horse out!

With this post, I make the replies on this thread 300.
Now, onto business!
Galadriel and/or Eowyn: No, I'm not a natural blonde! I'm so ashamed for tricking you, Celeborn/Faramir (whichever the case may be)

(In honor of listening to Gang of Four on a Saturday afternoon [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Girls of Gondor to Pippin - "I love a Hobbit in a Uniform!"

Good post Aosama. I don't care if you borrowed a little from my idea, I'm just happy that I inspired someone....*sniff*,wow I'm corny! oh well, but now I'm gonna think of more quotes cuz I'm bored and I like doing this.

"All that is gold DOES glitter.
All those who wander ARE lost...."
*ouch, that was bad* [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

Frodo: Gee, this whole Ring-detroying business is sure fun! Golly, we should do this more often, huh? Wee! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Legolas: I wish I were a Dwarf. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Gimli: I wish I were an Elf. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Arwen: Hey, whoa, call me a grave-digger, but dang! Mr. Gandalf is SEXAAAAY! :P

Aragorn: Sure, Eowyn, forget Arwen, you're absolutely gorgeous. Let's get married. And while I'm at it, here Eomer, have Narsil.

Boromir: Keep that silly ring, Frodo, Boromir son of Denethor will not be tempted! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Galadriel: Ha, ha, Legolas! Even Gimli agrees I'm prettier than you! :P

And the one thing that a LOTR character would NEVER say:

Elrond: "Men. Men are weak." [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img]

Aragorn: What are you lot laughing about?
Pippin: Oh nothing......Trotter! A hahaha!
Aragorn: Right, I've had it up to here with these Trotter remarks. Trotter was a hobbit and the original idea for the one who guided you lot to Rivendell. I, Aragorn son of Arathorn, have always been called so, and no 'History of the LOTR' is going to change that. Ok?
Pippin: Ok, chill big guy....
Aragorn: Not until you admit that I'm right, I'm right, aren't I.......MARMADUKE! A hahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Merry: Oh my God! He found out! I'm a laughing stock!
Frodo: It's OK Merry, things turned out fine for us two in the end. Though, I too have nightmares about the name of....BINGO!

Legolas: I'm out of lembas. Pass me the cram Gimli
Gimli: No, no, it's OK Legolas. Here, you take my lembas and I'll have the cram.
Aragorn: Yes Legolas, I can spare you some lembas too. Gimli and I will take the cram.
Legolas: Look, I can handle it OK?
Gimli: No Legolas, an Elf must have his lembas...
Legolas: Oh, I see! Elves aren't tough enough to live on cram eh?
Aragorn: No Legolas, that's not what we meant at all........well....I suppose.....oh whatever, you're right. Gimli and I think Elves are too prissy to eat good, hard, road food like cram.
Legolas: A Elbereth! Gilthoniel! If you two want to make snide remarks about my race then just spit it out why don't you!
Gimli: Listen here you ponce! Aragorn and I are the backbone of this mission and we'll be dead before we see an Elf try and rough us up!
Legolas: Why I oughtta....
Merry/Pippin: Oh blessed hunters! You've found...
Gimli: Be quiet you dratted hobbits, can't you see we're in the middle of something?
Merry: Well! I see someone doesn't care about our near-death experience. Come on Pip, we're going back to Fangorn.
Legolas: Wait hobbits, I'm coming with you. I do not wish to be with these two barbarians any longer.
Pippin: Oh leave us alone you lanky nuisance. Go back to Mirkwood and strum on a harp.
Legolas: Why does everyone hate me!?
Gandalf: I was gonna keep quiet Legolas but....
Legolas: Mercy!

lol, good one Eomer!

[img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] Pippin is so mean!

I love this thread, it will go on forever.

Pippin: I'm not your clown! *bursts into tears*

Gandalf: Pippin has feelings?

Galadriel: Mirror, mirror, on the water...

Faramir: I'm Slim Shady! Yes I'm the real Shady!
Frodo: Excuse me?
Faramir: Oh...uh...nothing

Denethor: My dog's got no nose, how does he smell?

Elrond: Bloody in-laws, think they know everything...

Elrohir: Screw this, I can get a bigger part in Harry Potter

Aragorn: Come on guys, I mean...I'm the King! I just click my fingers and the girls drop to their knees!

Arwen: And she said, he said, she said "No way!"
Eowyn: oooh! REALLY?
Arwen: Uh-huh! I was all like "Wow"
Eowyn: Totally! She is, like, sooo selfish!
Arwen: Uh-huh! But I put that hussy in her place
Eowyn: Oh you go girlfriend! Say, can Aragorn REALLY do that?
Arwen: Oh you know!
Eowyn: Now that's what I'm talking about!
Elrond: Keep the noise down girls, I'm trying to sleep! *dratted sleepovers*

Lothiriel: Eomer, honey, do you still think Arwen's hotter than me?

Eowyn: Faramir, darling, do you still think Arwen's hotter than me?

Rose: Sam, dear, do you still think Arwen's hotter than me?

Legolas: Y'know Gimli, you get hotter chicks than Arwen in Mirkwood. Oh yeah!

Legolas: Hey, Aragorn, you wanna borrow my shampoo?
Aragorn: Do I ever!

LOL grat once here!!!

Some of mine:

Frodo: Sam, I`m glad your with me.
Sam: *smiling* wisphering to him self 'Damn you Aragorn! Just because you are a Big folk kind does not mean that you can make me go with Frodo and be killed on the road to Mordor....

Legolas: You know, being pretty isn't everything.

Gimli: Dwarf chicks are sooo much hotter

Gimli: Taking another man's wife is wrong

Saruman: I am going to retire and donate all my money to Greenpeace.

Eowyn: Actually, I am in love with Wormtongue, Faramir.

Aragorn: I sew my own banners.

Aragorn: Hmmm, OK Eomer. Screw the Paths of the Dead. Lets go hunt some Orc!

and one more [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

This thread is hilarious!

By the way Eomer, not to be picky but Arwen lives in Rivendell, not Mirkwood. Legolas came from Mirkwood but Arwen is Elrond's daughter and lives at home with her Daddy and Mommy.

[img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]

The one thing ANY LotR character would ever say (thank God)--Waszzup!?! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Hey what's up my friends, I'm back for another post. Yes, yet another. And right now I'm listening to Hero,the song for the spiderman soundtrack-which by the way, Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott are singing it.And what is that u say....? Is Chad a member of Nickelback?!! Well why in fact, yes he is!!!! He's that gorgeous, hot, good-looking singer dude, and he has such an awesome voice!! Ok I'll shut-up about them now and I'll just get to the post. Sorry, but I had to do that! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

(inspired by A Night at the Roxbury)
*at the council of Elrond*
Pippin: Hey Merry, is that a mirror in your pocket?

Merry: Bad one Pippin, I heard that.

Pippin: Damn!....Hey Aragorn, is that a..

Aragorn: Heard that from Arwen already, and obviously that pick-up line worked.

Pippin:....ok..uh, Hey Frodo is that a mirror..

Frodo: In my pocket? Sorry Pippin, I know that too.

Pippin: Damn you people! Ooh! Sam, hey is that a mirror in your pocket?

Sam:....what? why?

Pippin: Cuz I can see myself in your pants!....Ok, yeah that would work better if I said that to a girl, perhaps.

Sam: Yeah, but that's a good one. I'll use that on Rosie, maybe she'll go for it!

Elrond: Excuse me Pippin and Sam...this is a council meeting about very important matters going on, not some joke session! The Dark Lord is trying to take over the world and we have to figure out how to destroy him!! *Elrond walks over to Pippin and looks at the back of his shirt*

Pippin: What are you doing?

Elrond: Checking your label, just as I thought....made in heaven!

Ahh, nothing like good corny lines...ok yeah a little too corny, but still.

Manwe: Ok, who forgot to pay the electric bill this time?

Morgoth: Stop the violence!

Merry & Pippin: Take a stand!

Feanor to Morgoth: Quite all right ol' chap, no real harm done, all is forgiven.

Vinyaampawen

I never said Arwen lived in Mirkwood! I just said that Legolas thinks that there's hotter Elves than Arwen and these said hot elves happen to live in Mirkwood, which is where Legolas would see hot elves, being from Mirkwood and all.

Arwen does live with her Daddy but her Mommy's gone

back to the point....

Aragorn: They were once men.....but one quick call to New Beginnings.....

(that's a bit obscure, I know)

Pippin: I was thinking dreadlocks....

Frodo: Sometimes I look in the mirror and think 'Damn, I'll never be able to kiss that gorgeous face'

Celeborn: Let's order a Chinese

Gandalf: Sometimes I....I get so...so afraid

Gollum: Hey Everybody! Sssssurf's up!