Unfortunately, Gollum saw where he put it.

Forunately, Sam had Gollum tied down and was force feeding him taters.

Unfortunately, after Gollum's stomach got used to the 'taters' he became stronger than what he'd ever been and broke loose, sprinting for the ring.

Fortunately Gollum broke his ankles and couldn't run. again. ever.

Unfortunately, he was given an electric wheelchair.

Fortunately . . .
 

. . . There was a horrible mix-up. He received an electric chair instead.

Fried Gollum.

Unfortunately there was no plug-in in Itilien.

Unfortunately he gave it to Johnny the Stinky Balrog who was passing by...which arises all the downers questions "What would a balrog do with the One Ring?"

Fortunately the balrog had gotten
addicted to 'taters and traded the
ring to the Gaffer for lots of 'taters.

Bringing the ring back to the Shire! :eek:

Unfortunately, a passing ringwraith found it and rode off to Mordor with it.

Fortunately, it was actually Glorfindel in disguise.

Unfortunately, Arwen had beaten him up and stolen his horse earlier. ;)

Fortunately the Ringwraith was so happy that he finally recovered the Ring for his master, he wasn't paying attention to where the horse was leading him and it just so happened the horse ran off a cliff. Where the ring, the horse, and the Ringwraith fell into a swamp.

unfortunately in that swamp, the rest of the ringwraiths were bathing and enjoying a nice tan

Fortunately, Sauron had got drunk at the wheel again and Mount Zoom crashed into the swamp, pouring lava onto the ring and the wraiths.

Unfortunately, the lava was fake and didn't melt anything.

Fortunately . . .
 

. . . the Ring didn't care, and it was destroyed.

FWOOSH!

unforortunately, it was not the one ring at all

Fortunately . . .
 

. . . it was the Two Ring, which was the One's back-up. Many of Sauron's files were lost forever.

Unfortunately, the swamp contained an enormous amount of highly adaptive parasitic lifeforms which quickly swarmed Sauron and the Nazgul. The only ones to escape the swamp were the Witch-King, Khamul, and another Nazgul.

Fortunately, a side effect of the parasite was an addiction to 'taters and pipeweed.

Unfortunately, they went to addictions counselling and overcame their addiction.

Fortunately (for him) Sauron used the Three Ring to escape
the parasitic life forms.

Unfortunately, he was far too proud to attend addictions counseling.

Fortunately Sauron watched the Jerry Springer Show
and realized the dangers of addiction,
as well as the addiction to shouting, confrontational
talk shows when the Uruk-hai and stone trolls got into
an argument as to who was the badder.

Unfortunately, (for him) Sauron tried to reasonably explain to them that the correct phrase was 'worse' and was squashed, quite properly, by a troll-club.

Fortunately (for Sauron) he was still in the form of a flaming eye, and the troll-club burned before it could do any fatal damage.

Unfortunately, when the troll's hand got singed he yelled and threw the club at the Fellowship.

Fortunately, the Fellowship has awesome cat-like reflexes and managed to dodge the flying club.

Unfortunately, the troll's shout deafened them, and when the flame went out it got very very dark. :eek:

Fortunately, for this way they were saved from hearing the Troll's harsh language, that could have imbalanced their righteous souls.

Unfortunately, they couldn't hear or see anything, and Pippin kept bumping into walls.

Fortunately Sauron showed them the way out
(assuring them, with the wink of an eye,
that the way was perfectly safe).

Unfortunately, given that Sauron was still a big firey eye, he shut off when he blinked.

Fortunately, Pippen's nose was by now so swollen it was giving off its own light, like Rudolph's.

Unfortunately, Ghan-buri-Ghan showed up and chopped off Pippin's nose.

Fortunately, nobody had to hear him scream.

Unfortunately, losing your hearing doesn't deprive your sense of touch. The warm blood that burst everywhere over their faces, made the Fellowship even more mentally imbalanced, than the actual troll-swearings could have done.

Fortunately, Pippin hadn't had a cold.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . Gollum found the Ring.