Bring out your dead! Bring them out so they can read the Downer!

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And now for your regularly scheduled Phalian.


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If your head is still able to read after that series of craziness and stomach cramp inducing news, then you'll be happy to read the following words;
Grumbling. Shoes.

The Poor Children!!!!!!

DEAR DOWNER
THIS WEEK’S GUEST COLUMNIST- Urwen

Nerwen writes- Who is better- Maedhros, Glaurung, Eru, or Beren?
Urwen answers- Well Maedhros is totally out, since he’s the one that made Melkor mad enough to make the plague that killed Lalaith. Plus everyone knows Melkor used Maedhros’s severed hand as source material. Glaurung was very very mean to Lalaith’s family, and he probably even laughed when she died. And Eru didn’t spare her somehow, even though her brother was. What, was she unworthy?! Big jerk. And Beren wouldn’t give the Silmaril to Feanor’s sons, so they got mad, and that’s why Doriath didn’t help Maedhros’s alliance, and if they had maybe they would’ve been strong enough to move quicker ahead of the plague or maybe Melian could’ve healed Lalaith or something. So no- they’re all bad!

Rikae writes- Would you be so kind as to come up with a scenario in which Lalaith marries Aragorn?
Urwen answers- Ha, I thought of that years ago!
Maedhros: “Never mind Morgoth. We give up. Let’s talk.”
Morgoth: “Okay, so, you surrender now?”
Maedhros: *stalls* “Um….”
Morgoth: “So….?”
Maedhros: “Ha ha, I was kidding! Just giving time for all children to be evacuated! Now we fight!
Thingol: “Yes, we will take care of Turin and Lalaith for you, Hurin.”
Melian: “And I will send Lalaith to Beren and Luthien and have them put her into enchanted sleep, because I had a dream that said Turin would marry his sister!”
Hurin: “Thanks, you guys are great.”
Luthien: “Hi, Lalaith. We’re taking you up to a cave in Ered Luin to sleep.”
**Many years pass**
Cirdan: “I’ve lived around here a long time, but never noticed this cave before.”
Lalaith: “I’m awake now!”
Cirdan: “I will send you to Elrond to grow up. He can tell you all the history you missed.”
Elrond: “Good job Lalaith. You’re completely smart now, and a good fighter and everything.”
Lalaith: “Who’s that?”
Elrond: “That’s my adopted son, Aragorn. He just got back from a long trip.”
Aragorn: “You’re really pretty and funny and stuff. I like you.”
Lalaith: “Yay!”

Galadriel55 writes- I think that the next logical step after obsession with a fictional toddler would be obsession with a real life toddler. What do you say to that?
Urwen answers- I'm kinda there already. I killed my parents so I could have my little sister, and I made her to answer to “Lalaith”. When she started looking too old to be Lalaith, I killed her and had her stuffed. Now she can always be my Lalaith! I love going on walks with her (I pull her in a wagon).

Phantom writes- Who’s your favorite Tolkien character?
Urwen answers- Oh, ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Sally writes- I heard a rumor that you’re secretly Nog, and he created your account just to have a bit of fun with us.
Urwen answers- Oh my! Perhaps we can have a private chat about this?

That last one totally happened, except the chat had nothing to do with Nog being Urwen. :Merisu:

Hahaha! Really? Urwen, you'd really kill Lalaith because you're upsest with her? :D:D:D


What a question!

Did you do anything with Greenie's eyes on that pic, Hookbill, or is that a light effect? She looks so blissfully zombified!:D

No, but I wish I had. :D

A magnificent round of lies and slander! Also, this weeks' Downer.

Thanks to Blind Guardian for this weeks second story!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week237.png

And now for your regularly scheduled Phalian.


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COMIC ARCHIVE THING

There's a joke I meant to do in P&A around here but I completely forgot about it. I'll have to do it later. It was very funny. :p

Anyway you look at it , the world is really really realy, real.

I just want to say: I have no grudge against De Phantom. And the horses look cool!

Oh, and that child freaks me out. Look at his eyes!

When lies just aren't enough, there's always The Downer!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week238.png

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Yes, I'm lazy and like to re-use old art whenever it suites me. Thanks for noticing.

Check it out! My brother (of Volume 3 fame) did a neat little picture of Evilos the evil killer of death!

http://i54.tinypic.com/bij69e.png

I like his little vest. :)

That child still freaks me out. *shivers*

I like the 3-D effect!

What's that blue thing on the right?

Looks like a spacetime singularity that has been misused as a voodoo doll to me.

Grab hold of your shirts and wriggle about in your chair! It's time for some news!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week239.png

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Ho hum.
Alien and mayonnaise. They always end up together. If you're wodering why Alien isn't being burned by the mayo, you should remember that the mayo that burns him is clearly of the fat-free variety. Full fat mayo is okay with him. ;)

Whoa...that was a wicked day dream of awesomness and terror and mayhem and......*slips back into day dream*

Eeep! The lost hour made this late. Sorry...

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It's all coming to a head. A BIG HEAD! WITH A BIG NOSE.
Yeah, sorry, no idea what I'm talking about here. But isn't that what the Downer is all about?

Quick! Bann B-W before he destroys the whole world!

Errr...

Oh.

:D:p;)


PS: is it the delicious grass that made his face so powerful?

That article is grossly misleading. First of all, I DID NOT drink Rune's immortal soul. Okay, I tried to once, but it turned out he doesn't have one any longer. Sold it to the devil for beef and lager, apparently. Secondly, I DO NOT drink human souls. Well, there's some of it in my distillate, but there are many other ingredients as well...

Next week there'll be a follow-up article - Truth About Rune Finally Revealed! :D

I see my reputation precedes me, Galadriel55.

Also, the lovely stories written by the guest writers these past three weeks is random and ridiculous, just how the Downer should be. Superb.
Hook, your writing is funny as always. :)

I got the idea from this. It was a few weeks back:

"Police discover plot to destroy Tea Pot. TGEW called in to assist."

;)

Keeping YOU informed and ignorant at the same time! It's the Barrow Downs' third best Newspaper!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week241.png

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Wahay! These prison scenarios are a lot of fun to write. I hope you find them mildly entertaining. Isn't it nice to see the phantom and Alien interacting properly for once? That's not happened for AGES! I've missed it.

The Phantom reminds me of Raven from Teen Titans. ;)

"...is good for the digestive system."

Of course a hobbit would say that! :D

News trousers at the ready... It's time for the Downer

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Loved by ents and Tom Bombadil! Well, they liked it when I drugged them anyway.
All this talk of prison reminds me too much of my home life. I hope the phantom and alien escape soon.

"Soapy biscuits!"

I'm going to use this some day! :D

Another example of shoddy journalism. I can personally assure you all that the phantom does not like blonde wigs. He greatly prefers brunettes. :Merisu:

News jumpers and hats at the ready... It's time for the Downer

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week243.png

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Squatter's hat is very important to him. NEVER INSULT IT!

News worthy??

http://i54.tinypic.com/25kqxb5.jpg

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That duck painting is evil! I wish I'd never drawn it!
Anyway... It's dawned on me that I'll probably have difficulty in making and posting the Newspaper when the Downer Finland moot takes place. Hmmm. I can make some in advance, I suppose, and hire a lackey to post them for me - like I did when I was in hospital a few years back. Any other ideas, loyal readers?

I tried to open the door but it was Deadlock Sealed, so I opened the window instead. But there was just a face, and not a nice face at all. Perhaps Aulë was right...

http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/g...gothDoor-1.png

No, no, no. That's the wrong door. The right one has "police box" on it. And it's bigger on the inside.

Also: Wigs are not cool. Baskets are cool. As are Stetsons. Fezes, no. Just no. :D

Somebody clearly has a grip on how to get into Hookbill's good books!:D

Everything the phantom wears is ipso facto cool. (With the possible exception of that silly green cap in the comic.)

It's a shame I threw my good books into a black hole, isn't it? ;)

Hey, that hat is top of the line! State of the art! Crisp of the cusp! Good stuff! :p

Quite the contrary. One can never do too much to promote literacy among singularities! Why, rumour has it some of the poor things are so uncivilized they still go naked!:eek:

True. But does it remain cool once he takes it off? Or does an insufficient quantity of coolness rub off onto it to make the item itself remain cool?

:eek: Really?

Best throw a few copies of the Downer in there, too; how else would they know what really (doesn't - er, does! Does! Don't hurt me Mr. Hookbill . . .) goes on in the world?

Hmm. This is hard to answer without extensive experimental testing, but my working hypothesis would be that taking it off would be equivalent to taking it out of the fridge; the rest is entropy.

YOU GUYS!

Sorry! I completely forgot to post last week's paper and P&A... Eeeek!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week245.png

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Right, so you get another instalment in a few hours.