Unfortunately, the balrog had been caught
cheating at the last game (playing against the
Watcher).

Fortunately, the Watcher had even worse memory than a chicken, and didn't remember that Johnny was a cheater.

Unfortunately, Johnny was not that bright and reminded him.

Fortunatley, teh Watcher could recognize one after his own heart, adn Johnny and the Watcher teamed up for teh most craziest con-fest in history. their net haul is reputed to inclued three elven rings, one large golden ring, seven of a set of nine and 5 of a set of seven rings, and many lesser treasures including swords of geuine Gondolindian origin, three of teh heirlooms of Gondor, and the Phial of Galadrial.

Unfortunately (for the balrog and watcher) The Three and the many swords of Gondolindian origin, as well as the Gondorian heirlooms and Galadrie's phial were quite poisonous for evil creatures such as them, so they passed away laying on top of their treasure

Fortunately . . .
 

. . . that was actually a good thing.

Unfortunately, this ment that the fellowship never encountered them, causing that part of the book to be somehow dull.

Fortunately (for book interest) one of the
cut off Watcher tenacles regenerated and
Watcher, Jr. decided to grab any good guys
who wandered by (especially since elves,
men, and dwarves played poker and scorned
bridge players).

Unfortunately, all the good guys were long gone, so Watcher Jr had to attack field mice instead.

Fortunately (for Watcher Jr.) he heard about those nassty
Fellowship people planning on sailing west so he left the
lake (like those crawling on land Florida fish) and got to
the encircling Sea to wait to ambush them off of the Grey
Havens. :mad:

Unfortunately for our many-tentacled friend, he was waiting too far into the sea and the ships had taken the 'straight road' well before they reached his ambush point

Fortunately he managed to grab ahold of a line
the passengers were using to fish and followed them all
the way to Aman (which astonished the teleri
since those stay-at-homes had never believed in
sea monsters like Watchers. :eek:

Unfortunately for him, he was a fresh water watcher jr. and by some nifty osmosis, the valar shivled him into a watcher rasin.

Fortunately the valar had learned a long
time ago that you can't eat just one raisin,
so Watcher Jr. was safe to hibernate
inside the giant raisin.

Unfortunately Watcher Jr. Suffered from a fatal heart-attack and the terror was no more and the hunt for the holy-grail could continue

Fortunately, the bridge guard asked them all three questions.

Unfortunately, after Aragorn had answered that his favourite colour was blue, Legolas said the same thing and got jetisoned off the bridge. (We all know his favourite colour is green, after all)

Fortunately, the bridge guardian was forced to bring Legolas back by his hordes of fangirls.

Unfortunately, Legolas, by some mystical force and a toaster, was now an English muffin.

Fortunately, Gimli was hungry again and he liked English Muffins

Unfortunately, Gimli was lying face down in a puddle of mud and could not eat the English Muffin/Legolas.

Fortunatley, after arising from his lowly puddle of mud (being thrust there so harshly by one pj) he went on to eat Movie Legolas/English muffin, as well as a whole horde of fan girls, who had also been turned into english muffins. Thus was great good accomplished: Movie Gimli threw off teh personification of bumbler and relcaimed his rightful position as BOOK Gimli. As soon as he ate the English muffin, the age long curse was lifted and Book Legolas was freed from the crystal tower which had held him prisoner for so long, and his evil jailers/torturers (aka fangirls) were vanquished once for all!!!

Unfortunately, Book Legolas and Book Gimli fell into a bottomless pit, at the (non)bottom of which lurks a balrog.

Fortunately the balrog was a strict vegetarian
and passivist, having left Beleriand because
(as he explained to Morgoth)
"violence is never the answer."

Oh no, a Beast quote!! :rolleyes:

Unfortunately, he hadn't eaten anything in days and decided to break his vegetarianness just as the passed him.

Fortunately . . .
 

. . . nobody eats a Dwarf without sauerkraut, and he can't find some.

Unfortunately, Legolas, trying to help, gave him some.

Fortunately, Legolas' clothes were made of vegetables the Blarog could eat.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . the Balrog was allergic to obvious.

Fortunately, the antidote to his allergy was within easy reach.

Unfortunately, 'Easy Reach' was a man who didn't want people looking inside his stomach. :D

Fortunately, Easy Reach was already dead, waiting for an autopsy.

Unfortunately, Easy Reach was friends with the lord of Angmar and so the nine were protecting his corpse

Fortunately Easy Reach was lying on a bed
of athelas (that's kingsfoil to you
Gondorites ;) ) which drove away the nine.

Unfortunately Denethor walked by, jumped on the very flamable bed of athelas while holding a palantir and... the rest is history.

Fortunately, Legolas and Gimli had escaped from the bottomless pit by now.

Unfortunately, Gimli escaped by being
tossed out by Legolas.

Fortunately, Treebeard happened to be near the bottomless pit at the time, and caught Gimli before the poor dwarf could have a very nasty fall.

Unfortunately, Treebeard tried to swat a fly using Gimli’s head.

Fortunately, Hard Reach, Easy's evil brother, killed Treebeard before he could.