Okay, I went a little crazy and came up with loads... but I won't post them all now, just a few. If they're very bad, throw random things at me and I'll go away. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

Éowyn - Don't ask me! I'm blonde.

Túrin - Mmm. Incest.

Random elf - Varda's not that great.

Bilbo - Ack! Writers' block!

Denethor - Hi, I'm Denethor, and I'm a pyromaniac.

Saruman - *sitting behind a Palantír* First you must cross my palm with silver.

Boromir, Faramir and Denethor - I love you, you love me, we're a happy family!

Aragorn - Sorry, I just can't be bothered.

Faramir - *sneaking furtively up to the Palantír* Hello? Is that Childline?

Ioreth - I'm taking a vow of silence.

Sam (to Frodo) - The Ring? No! I thought YOU had it!

Eärendil - Oh, God, what a time to get seasick!

Gandalf - Do I LOOK like I have all the answers?

Gandalf - *politely to Gwaihir* Could you please let me down? I'm scared of heights.

Denethor - *holding a pot of red paint and grinning madly* I always thought the White Tower was a bit plain!

Found written in Denethor's Palantír - All work and no play make Denethor a dull boy.

Okay, that's enough for now.

LOL Ruthwen, post more! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Well... okay, since you asked so nicely. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Éowyn - *wearing an apron* Faramir, baby, your dinner's ready!

Arwen (to Aragorn) - Just tell me what there is between you and Éowyn!

Sauron - You know, I think I'll convert to Buddhism.

Gimli - *nibbling lembas* It's a bit plain... got any jam?

Sam - I just don't see what's so bad about Gollum!

Sauron - 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... NAZGÛL ARE GO!

Aragorn - If I tell you my real name, I'll have to kill you.

Legolas - *looking, panicked, at a bow* You mean you want me to USE this thing?

Gimli - *looking outraged* So this is JUST an orc thing! Well, orcs have feelings too! I can't believe you want me to hurt people on the grounds of race!

Beorn - Mmm, ponies. Tasty.

Smaug - This world is too materialistic. I want to go back to nature.

Maeglin - Ah, well. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Éowyn (to Théoden) - Oh, please, uncle, let me stay at home!

Random Nazgûl - Peace and love to all! Gather round, join hands...

Elrond - GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!

Goldberry (to Tom Bombadil) - Flowers again? Just what are you feeling guilty about?

Shagrat - Aww, c'mon, guys, let's not fight.

Nienna - If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! *Clap clap*

Legolas - Hey, cool, a Balrog! Always wanted to see one of those.

Aragorn (to Arwen) - Listen, sweetheart, while I still love you very much, I've been having some doubts about my *ahem* romantic preferences.

Okay, my wrists are hurting. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] More later, maybe.

Please more [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]

LOL [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Gandulf: Deserves it? Daresay...

Ken Starr: Excuse me, are you Ian McKellen?

Gandulf: Well yes, but I'm busy at the moment.

Ken Starr: Ian McKellen, this a paper stating that you are being sued.

Gandulf: What the heck? Be gone! For I weld the power of fire and all that stuff!

Ken Starr: Sir McKellen, its just a show. Come with me please.

Gandulf: But why?

Ken Starr: Well you see, I've sued and gotten rid of the real people, now I'm getting rid of those who play act as them. Come with me.

Faramir: Eowyn, Eowyn, do you not love me?
Eowyn: Ewww, no! I'm leaving you, Faramir... for Merry.

Tom Bombadil: I'm so depressed.

Sauron: Rule Middle Earth? Whatever gave you that idea? Why can't we all just be friends?

Frodo: Hey, Sauron, I brought you your Ring back!
Sauron: Excellent! Care for some tea?

Denethor: I'm scared of fire.

Glorfindel/Arwen (to the Nazgul): The hobbit? Oh, sure, you can have him. I thought you wanted my horse.

Ruthwen and Altariel, welcome!
~your friendly neighborhood gardener.

I say the same, welcome! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Now, could someone tell me how to come up with as funny things as you..? It doesn´t seem to work for me... [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]*wishing that someday...someday I manage to come up with something quite funny* [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Elrond: And for the dwarfs, you shall have Gimli, sin of Gloin, brother of Doc, Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, Grumpy and Bashful.

That's all I can think of!

There are some really funny ones! Ok I love making up these lines but deal with me cuz either I have too much to say or I have a lot to say but just forgot it!
(the picture right after the Fellowship is chosen to go to Mordor-all lined up):

Aragorn: (to himself) I am so damn good looking.Wait, I should be more modest......no, I'm still hot.

Boromir: psst, Frodo. What's happening again? I kinda lost track cuz we were here for so long! Does my hair look ok? Frizzy...yes,no? Ok. By the way, I see someone is working out!!

Legolas: (to himself)We better hurry up cuz my hair is gonna get frizzy! Um, excuse me Elrond, do you think we can make a quick stop at the Orc n' fun Beauty Shop? I hear they do great styles. No? Ok, it was only a question.

Gimli: I definetly agree with Legolas, I mean look at my beard. HELLOOO! What ev, Elrond. (to Legolas) We can make a pit stop at Moria. They do awesome cuts and styling.

Legolas: Really? They're still in business? Ok, great!

Merry: Excuse me Legolas, I'd like to have a turn to say something now!

Legolas: Ok,soorry!!

Merry: (long pause)......Ok thanks Legolas, now I forgot!

Pippin: Hey, can we stop somewhere on the way to Mordor? I wanna get drunk again! Oh, by the way Aragorn, me and Arwen had a great time last night....you might wanna talk to her cuz I think she has a change of plans about you. She has issues anyway.

Gandalf: Yeah Aragorn, Pippin's right. But anyway, stop fussing about your needs...I AM an Istari afterall, so I get to choose where we can make pitstops. Anyway, me and Saruman have plans. He just got a whole stock of weed, and well....come on it's Longbottom Leaf!!!

Aragorn: Really? Pippin, how could you!!!...I feel I could cry. No, nevermind. I never really liked her anyway. I know, doesn't she!!? (to himself)I can get someone else anyway, cuz afterall, I am so damn fine!

Sam: Mr. Frodo, sir, I'm as giddy as a schoolboy! I can't wait to go with you on vacation to Mordor!! It sounds like fun. Oh, crappidy-crap, I forgot my visor! Do you think they'll sell any down there?

Frodo (singing along to Nickelback)It's too bad, it's stupid, too late's so wrong....Oh what, did you say something Sam? Oh and check out Boromir. I think he's checking out my butt! I mean, I always thought I was cute but come on now!.... I'm no Elijah Wood!

Merry: Ok, thanks people! Let's not forget this hobbit! Oh, and Gandalf, I'm all for Isengard! I mean, that weed won't smoke itself!!!

Gandalf: Thank you!!!!!

Elrond: Hey, hey people, this is a council meeting, not an open meet n' greet discussion group. You have to take this seriously, you have a VERY important quest!!!

Fellowship: (long pause).....Yeah... um right!

Gandalf: Oh, yeah, and I hear that Saruman has this nice little nook where you could get your hair done and stuff, it's great!! Who do you think trims my beard so good?!

Legolas: Really! Oh wow, that's fantastic!

Boromir: Sounds good to me!

Elrond: Oh come on...they're never gonna make it past Orcs even the orcs were prancing on their way to kill them. Hey, and Pippin! How dare you speak of my daughter like that! She is a noble elven lady of high stature and you have no right to speak of her in such ways!!

Arwen: (drunker than Pippin on St. Patrick's Day) heeeeeeeeeey what's up my peeps!! Going somewhere?????? Hey, had a great time last night Pippin, thanks....(goes up to one of the elves that came with Legolas) hey...you look familiar! ANNIAR! Oh yeah, now I remember you...we had fun that night, remember???? You and me, in the gazebo when Aragorn was away.

(Anniar looks nervously at Aragorn, meanwhile Aragorn is busy shooting dirty looks at Arwen)

Elrond: ....I give up, I'm going back to Valinor!

[ April 05, 2002: Message edited by: Lothiriel Silmarien ]

I got more.

Sauron: Hey, Frodo, sup my man. Sit down for some lunch. Oh, could you pass the salt? Sorry, could you please pass the salt.

Aragorn: I am Aragorn, son on Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor. Begone, and thou shall no longer be a threat to my people.

Sauron: Hey sup my new neighbor! I never meant to be a threat though. Can't we all be friends here?

Frodo: Yeah Aragorn, chill. Sauron's cool, and he also makes a great cup o' tea.

Aragorn: Sauron, I see behind thy mask, and thou's evil ways....tea? Ooh, sounds good count me in neighby!

Gandalf: Hey!!! Aragorn, do not be tempted. Sauron is evil and he wishes to destroy us all, and take power for himself!

Sauron: Gandalf, please. Come on, I'm only trying to be nice. And I would never want to "destroy" everyone!! Besides, who would I have tea with?

Gandalf: Aragorn, you musn't believe him, he will destroy you!

Sauron: I've asked you nicely, could you stop that please!

Gandalf: HE WILL DESTROY YOU!! ARAGOOOORN!!

Sauron: Ok, that's it. I've had enough of you! (blows up Gandalf)

Aragorn and Frodo: About time, thanks Sauron, he was getting on my nerves!

Sauron: No problem, I know wasn't he!?

[ April 05, 2002: Message edited by: Lothiriel Silmarien ]

Mouth of Sauron:
(with apologies to Mel Brooks)

Springtime for Sauron and Gorgoroth,
Mordor is happy and gay.
We're heading out to stomp the King,
Look out, here comes the Ruling Ring.

Springtime for Sauron and Gorgoroth,
Winter for Gondor and Bree.
Springtime for Sauron and Gor-go-roth!
Come on, Orcs and sing it with meeeeee!

(Stompity-Stomp-Stomp, Stomp STOMP)

I was born in Middle-Earth and that is why they call me Lurtz!

(Stompity-Stomp, Stompity-Stomp, Stompity-Stompity STOMP)

Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazgûl party!

gandalf walks to window and chunks a three year old sandwich a a figure and puuls in sam.

gandalf: what were you doing spying?

sam: i came to see mr. frodo naked.

gandalf: perfectly understandable. what were you saying frodo?

Frodo: "I will take the ring, though I do not know the way... And I sure won't ask for directions!"

Merry or Pippin: "No, I'm really actually NOT that hungry, thanks."

Gollum: "You know, a facial and some sunlight might do me some good!"

(apologies if people posted similar ideas before, I haven't read them all)

Arwen: Aragorn, I've decided to marry Legolas.
Aragorn: But... I thought you loved me!
Arwen: Well, you're really sweet... but you're just not what I look for in a man. Mortality's not really my thing. Sorry, honey.

Denethor: Monarchy is great. I can't wait for that Aragorn dude to be crowned King!

Aragorn: (at Weathertop) Take these flaming sticks! They fear fire!
Nazgul: Oh, no, you've got us all wrong. We were wondering if you wanted to roast marshmallows with us?

Celeborn: I love Dwarves.

Sauron: (To the Nazgul) The Ring?! You idiots! I wanted you to invite the Fellowship over for dinner!

Sauron: You know, I never really liked rings that much. Let's forget this whole ring thing. I'm making me a necklace!

Random Rohirrim: I hate horses. We should get bikes.

Isildur: I will not destroy the Ring.
Elrond: All right then, I will! * he kicks Isildur*

Morgoth: I'm not evil. All I ever wanted was a little attention. I need a hug...

Kalimac, was that a Chaucer reference on page 5, or am I going insane?

Bear with me, some of these are definitely movie references!:

Elrond: "Sauron toked weed, man."
Gandalf: "Absolutely he toked weed!"

Lúthien: "I'll never let go, Beren! I'll never let go."

Legolas: "To the Sea! To the Sea! I really need to start working on my tan, it's almost summer, for Eru's sake!"

Aragorn: "Mrs. Éowyn, are you trying to seduce me?"

Lush - ha! I love it! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] ("I'll never let go, Beren!") And yes, that was a Chaucer reference - though to be honest, there are some things in the Canterbury Tales that Denethor was MUCH more unlikely to ever say (erm, The Miller's Tale, anyone?) but I wanted to be at least somewhat decorous.

Today's theme is: Quotes from musicals. Hope these are at least vaguely comprehensible....I really am going to sleep in a minute.

Denethor: What good is sitting alone in your tomb? Come, hear the music play! Life is a Cabaret, Perian, only a Cabaret!

Shagrat: Why I must travel to a distant land, Far from the Orc I love?
(yes, I ripped this one off my other thread).

Gimli: Wear my hair like Jesus wore it, Hallelujah I adore it ... Why don't my mother love me? Talkin' bout HAIIRRRR....

Legolas: Sixteen kills and whaddaya get, another day older and deeper in debt!

Aragorn: Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!

Frodo: So please sir, If you run into the Dark Lord, Don't reveal my little...errand, Just leave well enough alone. Hush up! Don't tell Sauron, Shush up, don't tell Sauron...

Arwen: You promise me this, You promise me that, You promise me everything under the sun, Then you hear that d*mn horn and you're grabbing your sword And you're off to the slaughter again! When I think of the time gone by -

Aragorn: Arwen! Arwen!

Arwen: When I think that for you, I'd DIE!

Aragorn: Arwen! Arwen!

Arwen: I could honestly cry...

Sam: Mr. Frodo, I won't leave your side, never! (suddenly looks to a horse) Hey this is a pretty b*tchin horse, if you can't walk, that's too bad cuz I'm leavin!

Eowyn(as Dernhelm)-Merry, here come on the horse with me, and go under my cloak so none will see you.

Merry: OK.....heeeey, you ain't a guy!

[ April 07, 2002: Message edited by: Lothiriel Silmarien ]

One of the trolls from "The Hobbit": Hey, pass the mutton, guys! Mm-boy do I love mutton!

Sauron (to any of the races of Middle-earth): Live long and prosper. No, wait...

Merry and Pippin sitting in a corner, snickering, holding a book.
Frodo: What're you guys laughing at? What's so funny?
Pippin: *snicker* Oh, nothing...Bingo!
Frodo: What? Where did you hear that?! *grabs book, which turns out to be "The Return of the Shadows"* Christopher, how could you?! Why? WHY?!

Gimli *at barber's shop*: How do you think I'd look with a goatee? Not good, eh. Well, then... Ah, just cut it off! Yes, all of it! I'm sick of getting food and small woodland creatures tangled in there anyways, makes it hard to hold my head up high, y'know.

Gollum: Well, Dr. Gamgee, I guess it all started when we was young. You see, we had this nasssty cousin, Deagol, wouldn't share anything at all with us, gollum...

Galdalf: Merry & Pippin I'm going to tell you why I brought you. Hobbit wrestling. The Ringwraiths love it. Gimli's gonna serve beers in a mithril bikini, you guys are gonna oil up and wrestle while Frodo and Sam sneak into Mordor.

Gandalf: I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

Saruman (shaking his 'money-maker'): I'm just too bootylicious for you, babe!

The Ainur: Hey Iluvatar! Lets make some real hardrock! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

u coppied from an other topic!!!!! [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img]

Hu?
I didn't
At least it was not my intention
sorry...

Gandalf: I'm tired throw the ring in that crader and we will call it a day.
Frodo: hey Sam your looking hot tonight.
Pippin drunk: Screw the mission I'm going to get with that Legolas babe.
Aregorn: That old screeching dude on the horse seems nice give him the ring around your neck.
Bilbo to Gollum: nana nana boo boo I got your ring.
Aregorn to Legolas: dude I thinkArewen likes me.
Sam to Frodo: HA HA!! Dude you just got stabbed.
Sam to pippen: I think Frodo likes me.
Arewen: screw you I'm taking eternal life.
Frodo: Hey a cave troll stabbed me. Wait a minute this doesn't happen in the books . You got this thing stabbing me and it's not even in the book.
Gandalf: you know this adventering thing just isn't me i'm going to quit and be a cheif.
Aregor: jumping into Frodo's: arms hide me I'm scared.
Pippen: I think I'll fast today

[ December 04, 2002: Message edited by: Nazgul ]

PALANTIR: "The person you're calling is temporarily not avilable.Please try again later..."

Um, Zones? It was I who stole, though I prefer the term 'borrowed.' I said so at the beginning of my thread. So save your frowning face for another day, darling.

Saruman (at the scouring of the shire) - Welcome!! welcome home hobbits! i am officially in charge of prty procedings fpr the day! Welcome!!

Eowyn - Isn't the W.I like the best! i gotta join that!

Theoden - Narsil! Really?? Wow bring that right on in Aragorn.

Pippin - So the sum of the hypotenuse is equal to.....

K th@s all this is fun-e
[img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Eru: Of the theme...(the Ainur here something drop)
Eru really faint: Where the hell is my microphone?
Melkor: Ha! I have the microphone of Eru I am now all powerful!
Manwe: No you can talk really loud but that's it.
Melkor: Really?
Manwe: Yea.
Tulkas: Let's see who can chug the most mead!
Aule: Yea!
Ulmo: Yea!
Varda: Your all so imature.

Excerpt from Ainulindale: The College Years

Ringwraiths: Oompah loompah doompah dee doo we are here to suffocate you!
Sam: Yesterday I shot a Oliphaunt in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

Veggie Tales fans will understand this one fully. The rest of you....just nod and smile. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

THE ENGLISH-HOBBIT WHO WENT TO THE SOUTHFARTHING (AND CAME BACK WITH ALL THE PIPE-WEED)

Merry: I am the English-hobbit who went to the Southfarthing and came back with all the pipe-weed, leaving the inhabitants of the Shire with no pipe-weed and bestowing the term 'selfish' upon myself.

Sam: Well, are y'goin' t'smoke it?

Merry: Of course not! Everyone knows that you can't smoke good pipe-weed without a nice pint!

Pippin: I am the Scotts-hobbit who went to the Green Dragon (and all inns between the Hill and the Water) and came back with all the ale, leaving the inhabitants of the Shire with no ale and bestowing the term 'selfish' upon myself.

Frodo: So, are you going to drink it?

Pippin: No. You can't have ale without some good pipe-weed. *looks at Merry*

Merry: *looks at Pippin* Um, pardon me Mr. Scotts-hobbit, might I trouble you for a pint?

Pippin: Ah, no.... Exucuse Mr. English-hobbit, could I borrow some pipe-weed?

Merry: Um....no.

Sam: You guys aren't very bright.

THE END

Feel free to throw all manner of rotten foodstuffs at me now. The preceeding was based entirely upon the short film "The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill (And Came Down With All the Bananas)" by Big Idea Productions; to be found on the Veggie Tales video "King George and the Ducky". Thank you.

To all you Monty Python fans out there:

"We are the wraiths who say 'Nee!'. We demand that you bring us a...Shrrrrubbery! Wait, wait, that's not it.....Ah yes. We demand that you bring us a...Rrrring!"

Gate-keeper at Mordor: Halt! Who goes there?
Frodo: It is I, Frodo, son of Drogo Baggins, from the village of Hobbiton. Bearer of the Ring,
...and this is my trusty servant Sam. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search Mt. Doom, where I can throw the ring in. I must speak with your lord and master.
G-K: You're a hobbit carryin’ a ring!
Frodo: What?
G-K: You’re a hobbit! You can’t bear the One Ring!
Frodo: So? We have ridden since the stench of death in this land, through the kingdom of Mordor, through-
G-K: Where'd you get the ring?
Frodo: I inherited it.
G-K: Inherited it? From who? The ring's tropical!
Frodo: What do you mean?
G-K: Well, this is a temperate zone.
Frodo: The ring may go south with the elf or the ringwraiths or the dwarfs may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
G-K: Are you suggesting rings migrate?
Frodo: Not at all. They could be carried.
G-K: What? A dwarf carrying a ring?
Frodo: It could carry it on a chain!
G-K: It's not a question of how he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A hobbit could not carry a one pound ring.


Love it! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] We just finished triangles in math the other day!

That made no sense. I fart in your general direction. I wave my privat parts at your anties your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of beldaberries. now go away before I have to taunt you a second time. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ December 04, 2002: Message edited by: Nazgul ]

LOL, Rosa! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] . (And yes, I have seen "King George and the Duckie" - during a college study break, of all places [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]).

Pippin: "Are you crazy, Aragorn! Don't go that way, you'll kill us all"

Sam: "Frodo, your sword is glowing green!"\
Frodo: "Hmm...the batteries must be running low"

I love this thread...yes, I do... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Aragorn: Honey, I'm home!

Arwen: Ah, my love! What a surprise! Why did you not tell me that you were coming home? I would have had the castle cleaned. It is such a mess at the moment. (Arwen looks down the hall worried that Legolas may awaken...oh! oh!)

Aragorn: Arwen, why are you looking so nervous? I thought you would be happy to see me. What's going on"

Arwen: Why nothing my love...Err....we have a house guest...Legolas is sleeping in his quarters...he came over for dinner last night and was a little too drunk to hit the road again...I thought of calling a cab but he was too out of it to ask him where he wanted to go.

Aragorn: Legolas here! You never told me he was going to come over...so what happened?

Arwen: Why nothing my love...we just had dinner...but he brought over the main course...well, it ended up being the main course.

Aragorn: (his suspicions rising...) So what was it dear? What did he bring over? (Aragorn...I am going to run a sword through that elf yet!)

Arwen: Why my dear! He brought over some whipped cream. He said that he had eaten it at Granny Galadriel's house when he was there for dinner. I told him that Granny did not send me the recipe so I did not have it in the castle...he volunteered to bring it over...he was quite giddy about it. (Arwen thinks...boy now I am in trouble...Ah well...I'll have to fake Aragorn out...)

Aragorn: Whipped cream! Ah...yes I had some in the New World...wondrous stuff? So what were you and Legolas doing with the whipped cream? (he gives Arwen the evil eye...)

Arwen: Do with it? What are you talking about? I told you we ate it for dinner? Are you suggesting we would do something with it? So how would you know what someone would do with whipped cream? (Arwen thinks...the best defense is a good offense...whew!)

Aragorn: (slight flustered..) Now don't change the subject...I asked what did you two do with the whipped cream...(Aragorn thinks "God I am in trouble now!).

Arwen: I told you we ate it for dinner then you asked what did we "do" with it? What does one do with whipped cream Aragorn other than eat it. I can tell you are not telling me everything...now out with it!

Aragorn: You are imagining things again...

Arwen: Oh yeah...so why is your face turning red. Look at me...see you cannot even look at me...I knew it! Who was it this time...another Visgoth?

Aragorn: Arwen! Arwen! You know you are my only love...how can you accuse me...anyway..you never answered my question...what did you and Legolas do last night?

Arwen: We had dinner! (tapping her foot!)

Sorry...more later...I gotta run.
Vinyaampawen

Saruman (very raspily): WORMTONGUE! Bring me my lozenges!!

(as Frodo, Sam, and Gollum wander around Mordor)
Sam:Froodo! He's looking at me!
Gollum: He sstarted it!
Sam: I think he's giving me the evil eye....
Frodo: Would you two shut up?!
(A pause)
Sam: Are we there yet?

[ April 13, 2002: Message edited by: Belin ]

Galadriel or Celeborn (either one) to the other: I want a divorce!

that second one is really funny, Belin