Fortunately, Gandalf died so many times in this thread that he eventually gained immunity from dying.

Unfortunately, he passed his immunity to Saruman, thinking he would use it for good.

Fortunately the immunity cannot be passed on. Saruman discovered this when he jumped off Orthanc in a rage after Gwakgrach called him a capitalist pig.

Unfortunately, he landed on a pile of dead Orcs and was unharmed.

Fortunately the sudden shock of impact caused several of the severely decomposed Orc bodies to explode, covering Saruman with their rotting contents.

Unfortunately, no one dared to attack Saruman, or even get near him, even the most brave of warriors overwhelmed by the stench of rottings orc flesh all over him. Therefore he was free to do whatever he wished.

Fortunatetly, Gandalf brought Johnny the Stinky Balrog along and no one could face that stench, not even Saruman and thus, Gandalf was able to control Saruman.

Unfortunately, Gandalf was not aware of this, as he'd been smoking all of Saruman's Long bottom leaf.

Fortunately Pippin was and now was Peregin Took, Overlord of Middle Earth

Unfortunately his parachute didn't open when he tried jumping from Orthanc.

Fortunately his back up parachute worked. Any experienced sky diver knows to carry backups.

Unfortunately, it was an orc in the bag, not a parachute.

Fortunately, the fumes from Gandalf's pipe sent the orc flying back to Mordor!

Unfortunately Pippin died when he hit the ground.

Fortunately there was a mix-up in Mandos' records where Pippin got mistaken for Glorfindel and was reincarnated.

Unfortunately, Pippin decided to jump off Orthanc again.

fortunately he jumped off the first floor into a mountain of pillows

Unfortunately, Gandalf at this very moment was fighting Johnny the Stinky Balrog on top of Orthanc. Johnny fell and landed on Pippin.

Fortunately, Pippin had bought life ensurance just the day before.

Unfortunately, like most insurance companies, their interests tend to be not in the welfare of the mortal envelope but that of the pocketbook, and in doing so, indirectly, but most the cause of, plotted to rid of their new client...


~ Aesthete

Fortunately . . .
 

. . . Pippin didn't need the life insurance anyway. Using a bottle of Secret™ substance he dissolved Johnny the Stinky Balrog.

Unfortunately the bottle of Secret substance was tankered with, it dissolved Johnny the Stinky Balrog, but caused a widespread Flu Epedemic.

Fortunately, all the good guys are immune to the flu. Sauron, Saruman and all those other little badies, well.....

Unfortunately the flu, being of course created by Melkor, had the effect of enormously increasing the powers of the bad guys.

Fortunately, it increased their intelligence so much that their heads exploded.

Unfortunately they grew new heads.

Fortunately these Heads were tiny compared to their old ones and blew up to follow with the teachings of Darwin

Unfortunately, the teachings of Dawin were being debated at the time, so they got confused and regrew into philosophically befuddled and existentially challenged new tiny heads.

Fortunately, that was a good thing since they were the bad guys.

Unfortunately, today is "Switch Places for a Day" day and therefor, the baddies were the goodies and vice versa.

Fortunately, the bad guys(turned good for a day) were too busy making fun of Sauron for losing to a dog, and thus they didn't take advantage of this new predicament.

Unfortunately for everyone, the dog had swallowed a Silmaril, thus causing a huge, catacylsmic war between the houses of elves, men, and Morgoth to find the poor thing.

Fortunately, Orome found the dog first.

Unfortunately, the dog, driven mad by the power of the Silmaril, ate Orome alive.

Fortunately, Orome found the Silmaril in Huan's stomach and escaped by climbing through Huan's bowels. Afterwards, Orome pummeled Osse for finding the Silmaril under the sea and feeding it to Huan.

Eye see thee!
 

Unfortunately, Orome dropped it while he pummelled Osse. The Silmarill rolled to the feet of Sauron! :eek: *dramatic music of doom!*

Fortunately, Sauron tripped over it and broke his nose on a random statue made of mithril.

Unfortunately, the statue was exteremely angry, and after stabbing sauron with its sword, took the silmaril and ran to the hills.

Fortunately, the hills were full of Barrow Wights who attacked and killed the statue.

Unfortunately, it was thier day off.