"clothesline of Orthanc."

When Esmeralda heard the unfortunate bit of bad news she decided to ask Bilbo to give her advice on Insurance Claims for poisoning customers.

But the Precious decided that it was best to go to Bagend and claim for itself Esmeralda's delicious pie which happened to be UncleBilbo's secret secret which everyone knew about.
So it apparently involved Arwen, Legolas, and a mob of scary-looking zombie hobbit children that all planned to dance all over Bilbo's face, which made passers-by drink zombie blood and then go and eat some lembas with unfounded glee.

Despite all this, it was clear that not even Sauron's bad breath could prevent Bilbo from releasing the horror upon the unsuspecting folk of Mirkwood vampire spiders which happened to bite Legolas Greenleaf in his buttocks which was distressing because he then required Gimli to use a special and very painful method, in order to cleanse and drink Esmeralda's remedy which was made on Tuesday night.

This caused there to be some sudden changes in this absurd story which Bilbo was trying to translate into every language, publish in Playboy, and send to Mr Peter Jackson."


A rift in the space-time continuum opened near Esmeralda's kitchen as she ate
all the cookies made from Bob marley's garden of strange Weed.
The continuum spun in many colors and teleported Esmerelda to her toilet and then Rivendell, where she could get fat on the wonderful foods cooked in lard and dipped in fried beef stew, which had large chunks of slime as well as many smaller ones.
Elrond's gourmet chef decided to see his mad doctor to find out what psychopath meant to try and cure Smeagol's cousin of his dangerous dead body syndrome that was caused by being eaten by a giant pile of animated zombie hobbit protoplasm called Smeagol/Gollum.
Deagol never did get over dying, but instead he took to lying, and to prying, and getting reanimated by an unwilling angry, Half-orc under Saruman's direction, and Deagol turned his nose up to smell the Socks of Saruman dangling from the clothesline of Orthanc.


"These Socks were..."

.....no longer white.....

which Gandalf saw

...........when stealing them.........

...leaving rainbow replacements...

"Which he hoped..."

,,,would match Saruman's...

"pretty new robes."

.....donated by Dulux....

"and smelling of"

...bad breath and.....

"rotten cheesy beans."

...This nauseated Wromtongue...

"So he bought"

....some flowery airspray....

"from the gap..."

"of Rohan boutique"

...owned by Shirkingbad....

...., malingerer of Meduseld....

"keeper of the"

.........Bent Sword, Illforged.....

"Illforge was a"

.....Follywood plastic prop.........

"with keen edge"

....and rubber handgrip......

...boasting seven kills...

..........by toxic poisoning......

...using Esmeralda's recipes...

........on the blade....

..., all of which...

"had a minty"

...worried Uncle Bilbo...

morm was first...
 

...aftertaste if you...

...eat the dead.....

"without any seasoning."

"Which of course,"

..........only Orcs do..

"But then again"

....so do Trolls.