When Saruman proclaimed himself as "Saruman of many colors"

...and in a deadpan look I imagine Gandalf to have on his face, he says:

"I thought white sounded better."

...or something of the sort.

I pictured it in my head as a funny cartoon scene, with a super villain maniacally praising himself.

Too Long Among the Horses
Another good one from the knight of Rohan when Merry asks him what is afoot:
Nassty Seagulls Precious

From the start of The Last Debate when Legolas is talking about his trip up the Anduin: I can just picture those nasty birds squawking and hitting it with their wings! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:06 PM January 07, 2004: Message edited by: doug*platypus ]

Hi! Newbie!

Anyway, my favorite lines come from the History of the Lord of the Rings, Book Two, The Treason of Isengard. This part was actually originally cut from LOTR, and I think it should have stayed in (they're on the mountain of Caradhras):

"But how are WE to get through this drift, even if we ever get as far as the turn?" asked Pippin, voicing the thoughts of all the hobbits.

"It's a pity," said Legolas, "that Gandalf cannot go before us with a bright flame, and melt us a path."

"It is a pity that Elves cannot fly over mountains, and fetch the Sun to save them," said Gandalf. "Even I need something to work on. I cannot burn snow. But I could turn Legolas into a flaming torch, if that will serve: he would burn bright while he lasted."

"Spare me!" cried Legolas. "I fear that a dragon is concealed in the shape of our wizard. Yet a tame dragon would be useful at this hour."

"It will be a wild dragon, if you say any more," said Gandalf.


I just LOVE the friendly banter between these two; I think Tolkien should have had more of this to show the friendship between the Nine Walkers.

[img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] What?! But that is not from the book!!!
I mean, some parts are, but others are made up by I don't know who!
Gandalf never says anything about wanting to use Legolas as a torch, and the words about dragons are fake also!

I hope you're kidding. If not, here's where I got it from: the box-set called The History of the Lord of the Rings. It's a three book segment (and a really skinny fourth book) from the Histories of Middle-Earth series. I got it for Christmas, and I was reading it. That part got edited, and I thought they should have left the dragon thing and the torch thing in. Those were funny!

In my opinion (which usually doesn't count), Tolkien should have left more of this in, mainly because it showed the fellowship and how they interacted with each other. Eh. That's just me, though.

I think PJ added something for Gimli in TTT. Him standing on the wall at Helm's Deep and Legolas asking "Shall I describe the scene to you or should I get you a box?"

Also in TTT EE I love the scene after the victory at Helm's Deep. I can't remember what number Legolas was up to (the kill count) but Gimli had one more. Suddenly Legolas draws his bow and shoots the dead orc Gimli was sitting on. Gimli says "He was already dead!" Legolas responds by saying "He was twitching." Gimli shouts back "That's because he has my axe embedded in his nervous system!" After he says that, he pushes down on his axe and you see the dead orc's arms and legs fly up. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

One of the funniest lines (after my opinion)is Bilbo in his speech:

I like where Gimli says "Toss me, but don't tell the elf."
Aragorn responds "I won't"

Thisis just a reminder that this thread is for discussion of the funniest lines that Tolkien wrote, rather than those written by the script-writing team on the films. There are a number of threads in the Movies forum where you can post your favourite lines from the films.

One line that springs to mind right away if from TTT "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit":
[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Cheers!
Lyta

My turn [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

It's a shame some of the lines were cut from LotR. *sighs* I always thought that Legolas getting hit by an arrow in Khazad-dum makes more sense that him simply dropping the bow...ah, well.

the simple idea of Trotter, however, is enough to set me off giggling. The clog-wearing ranger-hobbit! *snerks*

Anywho...

The fact that they rhyme is more than enough to give me a bout of giggles, not to mention...

*shakes head* He's impossible!

Sorry if this has already been posted!


or some where along those lines (this is a fight between Sam and Gollum.

I also liked, in RotK, when Gollum/Smeagol is talking to himself, and Gollum says, "All she get`s is nasty orcses." "And they dosen`t taste very nice, does they precious?"
There were a WHOLE lot more that I like, but I would be here all night if I posted them all! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Aragorn and Legolas rode with Eomer in the van. (I love the mental image you get with that one lol)

From UT. Thorin to Gandalf: Either some foresight is upon you, or you are merely crazed.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 1:51 AM January 25, 2004: Message edited by: Armetiel ]

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 2:18 AM January 27, 2004: Message edited by: Armetiel ]

I came upon that again, while reading The Two Towers for about the 3rd a couple weeks ago and couldn`t stop laughing, which was bad because I was in band and supposed to be watching the stupid movie. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
I also love the part where one of the soldiers trip over Merry, and start cursing the tree roots. Merry tells him that he is not a tree root (or bag), but a very bruised hobbit. When the soldier leaves, He says something like, "Farewell, Master Bag!"
[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 7:35 PM January 21, 2004: Message edited by: Arwen Evenstar ]

I would have to say that when Merry is in bed after defeating the King of the wraiths, and you don't know if he will live. He wakes up and says" I'm hungry, what is the time?'.

I laughed for and hour after that. I'm not quite sure why... Oh well, I still think that it is very funny!

In The Fellowship of the Ring, just after Bilbo leaves, Gandalf comes to the door and knocks, but Frodo dosen`t answer because he`s afraid it`s Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. Gandalf replies to this by saying
or something like that. It sounds funny that way, but if you think of it a different way... [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Hello all, sorry if this has been posted prior to now (i only read the first two boards)

I think Gimli has a good few one liners:

Gimli FoTR: "No body tosses a dwarf" followed immediatly by the classic "Not the beard"

Then in a complete reversal in TTT at helms deep,
Gimli whispers "Toss me"
Aragaun replies "What"
Gimli "Toss ME" pause "But dont tell the elf"

I apologise if the next quote is not word for word but i hope it gives you the jist.

Gimli "Unbeatable odds, Certain death, Well what are we waiting for"

Just a few i'm sure theres many more [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Arwen! You naughty naughty Elfling, you! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

I'm afraid to admit that I had a similar perception of that comment. Needless to say, it caused a great deal of side-clutching laughter that garnered more than a few strange looks from the old lady sitting next to me (I was reading this on a bus).

This ones from the film; when the fellowship (minus gandalf) enter Lothlorien and Celeborn says "The dwarf breathes so loudly, we could have shot him in the dark."

Kili's "Ah I smell frsh cut bread and butter!"

I've always liked Merry or Pippin's line, terribly sorry I can't remember which, when the Uruk-hai make camp: "Well...where's bed and breakfast?" or something to that extent.

Gimli: Dwarfs are natural sprinters...very dangerous at short distances.

And my all time favourite is Bilbo's line which is my signature. I love it so much I used it as my Senior quote in the highschool yearbook.

The one that's fun to say in a pansy-ish moan is Legolas's "Ai! A Balrog is come!"

And from rereading LotR more recently, I think I've begun to appreciate Tolkien's droll sort of humor. One thing that made me laugh was a quote from the last chapter of RotK (I believe) and it says something along the lines of, as if mowing the grass is some kind of great hardship. ::chuckles to self::

Favorite lines from Books and the Movies.
 

Well here's mine from the movies, both happen to be from ROTK, I love how Theoden sort of beats around the bush with Eowyn.

Theoden: I have left you instructions, the people shall follow your rule in my sted. Take up my seat in the Golden Hall, long may you defend Edoras if the battle goes ill.

I love it, it's basically Theoden telling Eowyn that famous saying "stay back and GUARD the fort." Lol.

And Theoden basically giving Merry as slap in the face.

Theoden to Merry: None of my riders can bare you as a burden.

Wow Theoden you are so kind and gentle.

As for the Book goes. I would have to say the conversation between Gildor and Frodo.

I love Gildor's response, "hobbits are dull." It's the first time we get to see other races make jokes about the hobbits, and the Elves ignorance here first shows.

Also, from Three is Company

So there Frodo get's a jab back at Gildor, for the "hobbits are dull comment." And at the end of the match we have a tie, Gildor: 1 Frodo: 1, it will be judges decision...

I just read "Farmer Giles of Ham" and I loved this line:

:D

There are two from Return of the King that always tickle my fancy:
Said Aragorn to Merry of the herb-master.

A quote from Pippin (speaking of Aragorn) that makes me laugh every time I read it.

Smaug the sardonic worm has several good lines,
including: "You have good manners for a thief and a liar."

And Bilbo:
and

And Gandalf and Thorin:
That's all for now, so thag you very buch.

My favorite from the books (and yes this was in the movie too) was the argument over the potatoes that sam and gollum had.

-cheers

P.S. I've been gone for 2 months but I'm back from madrid!!!! (it was awesome).

Madrid ,thats really cool. :cool:

ya mine favourite was the one when Smaug says " you have good manners for a thief and a liar".

that was really funny

I'm sorry if it's not word-for-word but:

BILBO: Good morning.

GANDALF: What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning or do you mean to say that it is a good morning whether I want one or not, or that you feel good this morning, or that it is a morning to be good on?

Did Gandalf not have his coffee that morning or something?

And also:

"You can't expect folk to stop here forever just to be eaten by you and Bert"

And the fact that trolls absolutely detest the sight of dwarves...uncooked, that is.

Nah, the funnyist of the movie scenes has to be the point where Aragorn is trying to get rid of the soup Eowyn gives him. Especially when he tells her he's 87. I dono why it strikes me so funny, the 87 bit, but it just does.

Then again there's always the VERRY BEST of Pippin:

Merry: You'll have to tie us up in a sack to send us home.
Pippin: And becides, you'll need people of intelegence on this sort of message, quest, thing.
Merry: Well that leaves you out, Pip.
Elrond: So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring
Pippin: Great! So, where are we going?

Then later on:

Frodo: Mordor, Gandalf, which way is it?
Gandalf: Left.

Frodo to Pippin: "I don't keep water in my pockets."