Unfortunatly, Merry died from loss of blood when he was attacked by a rogue splinter

Unfourtunately, Glirdan was confused at how this turned into Pippin and poisonous mushrooms, therefor he didn't have a come back.

Fortunatly, The Perky Ent did, and made a comeback worthy of song.

Unfourtunately, Perky's comeback did not get turned into song and was forever lost. :p

Fortunately no one has to wonder because it is unrelated. ;)

Unfortunatly, I forgot what the topic was about completly, and jumped the thread to 'Frodo and Sam had just entered Mordor'

Fortunately, since the ring was destroyed, Mordor was now an amusement park and hotel with a five star restaurant.

Unfortunately, it had a moody fire-breathing gigantic Eye for a mascot.

Fortunately the moody fire-breathing eye served as a successful tourist attractments, especially the little ones who could poke it.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . all who poked said Eye burst into flames.

unfortunately they say those that stay at the Mt. Doom Inn and Hotel hear Gollum muttering "the precious....the precious....he stole it from us....yes he did precious....."

Fortunately, they put the eye in a small cave where no one could get to him, so he reclined and started writing strange novels.

unfortunately his stories started to sell and talk show hosts wouldn't stop hounding him to come on thier show

Fourtunately, the said Eye didn't care because he was getting fame from it. And the rest of ME didn't care cuz that was one less Eye to get rid of. Now it's that stinky Balrog that has to go.

Fortunately this was a good thing as it got rid of loads of talk show hosts!

Unfortunately, no one wanted to go near him, as he was too smelly.

Fourtunately, Gil-Galad did because they were best friends.

Unfortunatly, all the talk show host then hounded Elijah Wood, and plucked out his eyes.

Fourtunately, Frodo didn't mind the extra publicity because it made him even more famous because he wasn't that famous until he did LotR.

Unfortunatly, he did mind not having any eyes, and only eye sockets.

Fourtunately, he had spare pair of glass eyeballs which he put in immeadeately after his eyes were gouged out.

Unfortunately he still couldn't see of course.

Fourtunately, he didn't need to see seeing as the Ring was already destroyed and he didn't need to find his way to Mordor.

Unfortunately Grima killed Frodo. No word on whether Wormtongue buried him.

Fortunatly, Grima killed him on his deathbed, at a ripe old age. For some reason, Grima had been able to get to Valinor...

Unfortunately, Grima's arrival in Valinor triggered a horrible catastrophe and all Middle-Earth was blasted off the face of Arda.

Fortunately Grima died too.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . Gríma was sent back as Gríma the Green.

Fortunately Grima the Green was sent to the top of a high mountain bound with heavy chains.

Unfortunately Grima didn't receive that memo

Fortunatly, Aulë did, and chained him to the mountain, setting guards to surround his body

Unfortunately, everyone was so distracted by Gríma the Green that they did not see Saruman making off with all the gold!

Fortunately, Smaug did, and BBQ'd the wizard, melting him into a golden statue.

Unfortunately . . .
 

. . . Balrogs love golden statues.

Fortunately, the balrogs ate Saruman the Golden Statue.

Unfortunately, eating the golden statue gave the Balrogs horrible stomach aches.

Fortunately, this meant that they called off their invasion of The Shire.

Unfourtunately, this didn't mean they would call of their invasion of the rest of ME.

Fortunantly, before they attacked, they had to purge themselves in the great sea from their stomach aches, and they sizzled into nothingness.

Unfourtunately, Morgoth broke out of the Void and got more Balrogs and then went on a rampage through Arda.