Frodo was having a bit of trouble adapting to the "No Phone Useage At Work" policy at his new job.

Foreman Faramir: "Are you texting again!!??"

Frodo: "Whaa? Of course not..."

Frodo: Please, sir, can I have some more?

Frodo: What do you mean we've been the victims of a cleverly planned reality show?!

An ancient Hobbit schoolboy prank.

What Faramir didn't know was that Frodo was not actually cradling a pretty butterfly he just had to see, but a cunningly concealed piece of Oliphaunt dung.

Faramir had not wanted to hurt him, but when Frodo had claimed to be a paperweight named Lord Hakan something had to be done.

Two kids watching LotR on DVD.
One of them freezes the film at this very moment an turns over to the other:

"See the guy in the background? That's MY uncle in LotR!"

Btw, I really like Eonwe's idea. :)

Faramir thought Frodo was holding a sinister Ring of Power in his cupped hands but it was something far more sinister. It was less The Return of the King, more The Return of Sam's Rabbit Curry Thing.

Faramir: (eying the Ring) I know what you're thinking. Did I fire
5 arrows or 6? Well, to tell you the truth, in all the excitement
I've lost count. What you've got to ask yourself is, "Do I feel lucky?"
Well...do ya, punk?

Frodo: I gots to know.

Faramir: Oh, please. We're in Ithilien now, not the Shire!
Let's use proper grammer, Halfling.

http://www.legalmoviesdownloads.com/...chop-riggs.jpg

Theodens first assignment for Merry: "Stand still for 5 years"

Merry 'I don't suppose you know how to remove Super glue do you?'.

Merry: This doesn't seem very sharp.

Hama: Well, why don't you try it out then? ... NOT ON ME!!!

Merry: No, I'm not really 20 times the size of those
guys. It's just forced perspective. Trust me.

Having had enough of Peter Jackson's poor scripting, Dominic Monaghan considers committing ritual Seppuku.

Merry: You hold it like this, right?

OR

Merry: Oh gosh, Théoden has left his zipper unzipped!

Merry asks if he can have the fork which matches the knife he's holding.

Merry remembers he left the gas on at Crickhollow.

Merry had been very proud of the sword given to him, but less so when he realised that for years it had been used for scraping gum off the underside of the tables in the Golden Hall.

"If he mentions his dreams about Arwen one more time...."

Merry- Sure I have a sword but they have helmets... Could I have a helmet? maybe some armor? no?....

Merry was contemplating making surrealism an integrated part of everyday life.

or

Merry was awaiting his punishment for drunk riding.

or

Merry was used as Middle-earths first compass.

Merry at last realised that his attempt to reconstruct an Escher drawing is inevitably doomed.

Merry realizes with horror that his stone troll utensils are
useless since Fatty Bolger just ate the last oliphaunt steak. :eek:

http://www.jrrtolkien.org.uk/Images/SamMoria.jpg

Gandalf(offscreen): Although Merry seems saddened I must tell you the discussion on this thread has petered out we need a new image.

Sam is shocked by Frodo's reading of MLIA

Sam's 3-day pipe-weed binge had some negative side effects.

All of a sudden, the hobbits realized with horror that they've been turned into cartoons.

More like with disgust.

Actually their true horror came when they realized how badly they were pixelized.

Gandalf: Ah yes, I can translate this. It's in orcish.
Oh my God, it says: "How to cook hobbits!" :eek:

Sam: (Blows on page). No wait, it says "How to cook for hobbits." :)

Gandalf blows harder on page: It's "How to cook forty hobbits."

Sam blows even harder: Nope. It says " How to cook for forty hobbits."

Frodo: All right. That's it. No more Simpson Halloween programs for you guys! :p

Gandalf: I now pronounce you Sam and...hobbit? Frodo, do you have the Ring?

Frodo: They can't have the Ring.

Gandalf: Ummm...Frodo, we discussed this prior to the wedding.

Frodo: I don't care what we discussed, the Ring is precious to me!

Sam: But Mr. Frodo, we've only rented the hall 'till 10 pm. We don't have time to be arguing about the Ring.

Frodo: The Ring is only ceremonial, you don't need a Ring to be married.

Gandalf: This is absurb! I was a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company, dash it all! I don't need this inane role.

The moment Sam realised that he was holding another persons hand and not his pet-turtle Gustav.

or

Gandalf had left the hobbits in charge of his libary for 4 min and when he returned, all the words in all the book had been replaced by squished ants.

Frodo: What does it say Gandalf?

Gandalf: It says ....[dramatic pause] ... Gondor has no trousers! Gondor needs no trousers!

The Chamber of Mayhembûl
 

Gandalf: Hrrm, harumph, this is the fabled tome of Crázy Captiöns, and long has it thought to have been lost...

Frodo: But what does it say, Gandalf?

Gandalf: Hmm? Hmm, that is the question, my dear Hobbit. Legend says that the tome of Crázy Captiöns has been the pinnacle of human thoughts, its greatest achievement, its most enduring thread. I read it now with the utmost anticipation...hmm, hmm, yes..."Not Left Handed"..."Meela and the Steward"...puns, puns, more puns..."Mount Zoom"...and...what's this? "Gandalf the Grey Uncloaked"? Piff and tosh! It's just a load of rubbish.

Pippin: I don't know Gandalf, I thought that last one was rather hilarious.

Gandalf: Fool of a Took!

Boromir: Disco King, really?

Sam: Begging your pardon Master Gandalf, but I actually find that all of the pants jokes have me rolling in the aisles, if you follow me.

Frodo: Gandalf, what is Mapquest and why is it so stupid?

Aragorn: Come to think of it Gandalf, didn't I just accidentally run into you the other night...

Gandalf: Shut up!

It was with great difficulty that Sam had to prevent Merry from putting more graffiti on the parchment.

OR

Frodo: And you really think that these future films will try and do the whole trilogy? I thought you said it was impossible!

Gandalf: Well, they leave things out.

Frodo: But what about this bit here? The 'Wargs of Isenguard attack the Rohirum on the way to Helms Deep' bit.

Gandalf: Well, yes, but still there's always-

Frodo: And what's this about no singing? It won't be a Tolkien film without a song every five minutes.

http://www.warofthering.net/quintess...useldsteps.jpg

Theoden made a bet he could beat Grima with two arms tied behind his back.

or...

Theoden: None shall pass.

Grima: Both your arms are cut off!

Theoden: No they aren't. The way I have my garments draped only makes it look like I have no arms. It's a mere illusion to trick opponents, for I can still wield a brand. *stabs Grima in one swift motion*

Gandalf watches calmly as Theoden starts singing death metal to a terrified Grima.

Gríma replacing Théoden's bunion cream with stinging orc-medicine was the final straw.

Legolas: So... your uncle, eh?

Eowyn: Oh, he's only like this when he's off his meds.

Théoden and Gandalf kick Gríma out of the "Cranky Old Men" clubhouse.

Theoden: MY PRECIOUSSSS!!