Exams that leave you squirming in your seat restlessly, turning the pages of your blue book again and again in hopes you'll be enlightened as to how to answer an item, and eventually writing anything just so you can actually write something even if it doesn't make sense, and hoping to get partial points for them at the very least. :(

Why do they have to make things as (seemingly) simple as sequences and series so complicated, anyway? :rolleyes:

Blood tests.

First off, they stick a needle in your arm! Then because it was a fasting one I stand up and 30 seconds later can see nothing but bright light in front of me, have a buzzing in my ears and am maybe 5 steps away from fainting completely.

And now my arm hurts but I'm going to have to go into school this afternoon :(

Lurking dread over the prospect of seeing medical professionals. I loathe it. I don't want to go. But if I don't, I've got friends that will knock me out and drive my unconscious body to the hospital AND call my parents. So I assign dread, doctors, and worried friends.

Feeling nervous on behalf of a loved one.
If it's your own test/audition/exam/whatever, it's bad enough, but at least you've got some influence on the outcome.
If it's someone else, you've all the nerves but none of the control.

I just can't get out of Mordor, can I? :p

Now go on and visit your local health professional. Take care of yourself. Feel better. :)

Nope. It's what you get for choosing a profession famed for the lie "This won't hurt a bit." :p

Knew I was doing something wrong. :D

Incidentally, you won't hear me using that line.

To Mordor: giving kitty a bath. Anyone who has attempted to bathe a cat knows what I mean...

I know exactly what you mean, sadly. The annual visit to the vet will be coming around in the next week or so for the resident mogs and this is usually accompanied by wilful, deliberate 'accidents' requiring bathtimes. I also assign the uncanny ability of a cat to find a claw-hold anywhere, even on the surface of a bath!

Surely it's better than trying to wash a hundred pound husky/shepherd mix with very strong opinions regarding the possibility of getting his ears wet?

Three or four years ago I would have agreed with you, but I've learned to enjoy it. Like "Ooh, my blood's dark red! That's so cool!" :D :rolleyes:


So I guess there's no way I'm getting out of Mordor...not even after ten years...

Anyways...

I assign parental tiffs.

I'm sure as heaven I can't speak for all children here, but parents, you've no idea how disturbed or scared some of us kids can get when you fight in front of us. Sometimes we can't help but be seized by the thought that we are somehow to blame for it, or feel helpless because we want you to stop but we're afraid to get involved. If you really must argue in our presence, please please pretty please try your darndest not to raise your voices at each other, at the very least.

Claw-holds! My little darling somehow managed to dangle from my hair today. :eek: Granted, my hair is rather long and tends to be tangled unless I have a need to tame it for work (which I am on study break from until next week), but I still consider that an amazing feat of acrobatics.

Fea, I'm sure washing the dog is difficult, and I sympathize, but at least there's not much probability of the dog becoming a hair decoration. :D

On a related note, I assign the following scenario. My dad came by today and saw me with kitty napping on my arm while humming an aria or two from the Barber of Seville to her and surfing the Internet. His comment was that I need to get married and have a baby in a hurry so that I fuss less over kitty. :mad: Well, suppose I don't want to get married yet, for lots of reasons? Suppose I don't know anyone I would want to marry just now? Suppose that I don't know anyone who wants to marry me? Suppose this is just plain out not the right time for any such thing? What if I just like to spoil Abby-cat and don't see a problem with doing so? All equally true statements.

I'm not even sure how to classify that little outburst...

On edit-thought, I should probably add that he looked competely serious when that statement was made.

I also conassign not having time to participate in the CbC discussions currently. No time to read, research and analyze at the level deserved by the project.

I thought cats washed themselves?

Anyway...you know how spammers sometimes put "proper" text into their emails in an attempt to slip past anti-spam software? Well, I've been getting a whole bunch recently which is using text...from The Hobbit!! :eek:

Sacrilege of the worst kind. Straight to Mordor, do not pass go, do not collect £200.

They do. Really, they're very meticulous, but if (for instance) they get themselves into "accidents" leading to matted, sticky fur, it requires a trip to the bath. Unfortunately...
Shocking and disgraceful! :eek: Transport to Mordor heartily seconded.

You know how to wash a cat, don't you? Put shampoo in the toilet. Put him/her in the toilet, and put the lid down with something very heavy on top. Flush once to start the suds, once to sudze the cat, and once more to rinse. Remove the heavy object from a safe position beside the toilet and stand clear.

(Disclaimer: The writer of this post holds no responsibility for harm to either cat or owner by taking this exceedingly bad advice.)

I assign boredom and paperwork.

Bad luck.

I am just the epitome of an unlucky person. It's true. And totally unfair.

Whatever causes me to leave my phone at home.

I have no sense of time, nowhere to save my random thoughts, no way to text my mom if Calculus later gets so boring, and no alien scums to destroy.

Oh, to survive.

Inconclusive lab results that mean I haven't got a proper dislocation or a fracture, but also mean that they have no clue what actually is wrong. And since I've already assigned physicians to Mordor, looks like I'm taking a trip into the dark land this afternoon to try this again.

"What seems to be the problem?" they will ask politely.

"I seem," I will reply frustratedly, "to have a bone protruding from a place that it wasn't located before I hurt my shoulder six days ago. It seems to be the same affliction that I came here two days ago to deal with."

"Ah." They will examine it briefly before spotting that I am not lying. "You do indeed seem to have a bone protruding." They will consult the folder containing the hospital report. "Your file says there's nothing wrong."

"I seem," I will reply, this close to lashing out like one of the downs' bathed cats, "to disagree with my file."

While there seem to be much more drastic health concerns assigned to Mordor, I'll still send in the strained or stretched muscle around my right shoulder.

Not so much for pain, but the irritating fact that I can't turn my head in certain directions and I look a tad....hunched...trying to keep comfortable! So the assignment is more about a slight discomfort making me look silly :p

*sends careful and gentle hugs to Fea, sure to avoid her particular affliction*

Tara

I'm sending Scandinavian pollen clouds to Mordor. The pollen count has to be very bad for my eyes to start itching and my nose to run and my throat to dry out, as I only get mild hayfever, but it's been driving me mad for the past two days. My eyes are permanently red and sore and I can't even enjoy the smell of the Hawthorn blossom! :(

Losing all your exam certificates.

When you get these bits of paper, they are so precious. But the years go by, you move house, you move country, twice, you have had a number of jobs, these things become completely unimportant. Or so you think...suddenly, you are required to produce them....and they are nowhere, nowhere to be found, every box, your attic, your mother's garage, covered in dust, mice, grime....you find everything from old wedding invites to clumps of the Berlin Wall, but not you what you are looking for.

The process of getting replacements is a bureaucratic nightmare....particularly if they can't find you because your surname changed in your youth and you can't remember under which name you actually took the damn things. :rolleyes:

The moral is, children, take very good care of all your paperwork. Always.

Final assemblies :( We had our leaver's assembly this morning, a review of all our years at school. Year 7 with the giant bags, year 8 going to Bude, year 9 doing the Duke of Edinburgh award and skiving PE every chance you get, then exam years.

It was just so sad! I know I complain about it but that's just what you do! I don't want to go :(

Having the person you asked to prom turn you down. :( The only bright side to it is that he said no because he was already going with a group of his friends and I get the feeling that he might've said yes had I asked more than 8 days ahead of time. :)

Sorry to double post, but...
 

Instead of getting one of the nice internships I applied for, I got one that doesn't pay at all (as opposed to the ones I applied for, which paid $8.33 an hour) doing something I don't want to do. If I'd wanted to do an unpaid internship, I would've applied for one that I was actually interested in and I would be working at a radio station instead of making websites for the City of Madison. :mad: :mad: :mad:

If anything belongs in Mordor, this surely does.

I assign an aching shoulder and a complete and total disinclination to ever take pain killers again.

*grumbles over the injury that won't magically disappear*

Okay, I promise I'm done whining now.

I assign having to wait for Doctor Who to start while we have to endure watching Graham Norton and some ex-dancer be nasty about other people dancing, who you really wish wouldn't have bothered anyway, all to the soundtrack of easy listening versions of music that once sounded quite good. Why couldn't they have filled in the gap with the Test card until the correct time for Doctor Who? Especially cruel when it was the Cybermen's return. :mad:

I assign curfews. No, I have not had one since I was 15, and that "curfew" was more a common sense precaution. I'd tell my parents what time I thought I'd get home so if I was late they'd start worrying that something might have happened to me.

Now I live in one of the safest countries in the world and yet I cannot go out with the girl I'm sort of dating for too long because her parents have set an 11 PM curfew. 11 PM!!! What the heck is wrong with Canada?!?! Or most likely, with her parents.

I assign them to Mordor, but keep it silent, she might not appreciate it =P

If you think 11 is too early, you clearly have not met anyone like my parents. ;)

Ahem. I assign House. I enjoy it sometimes, but more often than not, I wind up screaming at the television. Just as an example, I've seen a few episodes where someone was wearing what looked like a sterile OR gown and gloves while holding a non-sterile anesthesia mask. :mad: Things like that irk me.

Housework. It's not like I have to do that much of it (I dread the day when I have a whole house to do...); I just don't like doing it. It takes up so much time when I could be doing other things. Picking up is fine, but the rest of it? Bleh. Especially bathrooms. I can't stand the smell of cleaning chemicals. Talk about a headache.

But even worse is having other people cleaning up my mess. Especially my parents. I hate when they come in my uncleaned room - "you need to do this," etc. What I need is an automatically cleaning house. Or a robot. :rolleyes:

Also, driving with my dad. He has to be the worst backseat driver. "The speed limit is 35 through here," "that looks like a good parking spot," "the light up here is going to change," etc. Drives me crazy.

Feeling ill after eating my first brat in ages :( ...I have to embrace my Wisconsinness! (oh, that would be bratwurst...)

After telling people where I'm from, having them ask, "Oh, do you like the Packers?" without fail is obnoxious. No. I don't. Just because I'm from Wisconsin does not mean I like (American) football, beer, or deer hunting. And just because I lived in Idaho for a while does not mean I am excessively fond of potatoes. :rolleyes:

Powercuts and flooding. It's very hard to deal with water coming in under the backdoor into the kitchen and through the cellar window onto all the electrical stuff when it is pitch black and you have one working torch in the house, which is steadily losing battery power all the time.

Still, we did it!

Tell me about powercuts even when there is a slight amount of lighting our Electrical Board switches off our Electricty.

I send 5 hour exams to Mordor!
And people that you love who have to leave for Uni...
Being allergic to Coffee!
________
Vapir oxygen

Being lulled to sleep by the dulcet tones of a vast number of really, really drunk college students. No classes on Wednesdays means partying on Tuesdays and they congregate outside my window, it would seem. :mad:

This will seem petty but while I am quite good at blocking out loud constant noises, small intermittent ones drive me murderous. Therefore the life expectancy of the chap next to me in the cyber cafe who has been slurping at the same can of coke for an unfeasibly long amount of time may be drastically reduced, as is that of people who rustle, clack cough sweets against their false teeth and are generally irritating .

Also it does seem somewhat mean that due to the offices of my current assignment being refurbished we are working in portakabins inside the factory warehouse I have to sit about 2 yards away from where water pours through a leaking roof into plastic drums .....and because of the refurbishment the nearest loos are a good 5 minute walk away (seriously the factory is the size of a small town). I check the weather forcast before putting the kettle on... :rolleyes:

The last day of school, ever! If I was the crying type I would be in floods.

Bosses that are out of touch with what's happening in their project-- but give sweeping orders anyway, justifying loudly as they go.

Argh, Schlabgratz! March faster! Nevermind the cliff! (swish-CRACK)

That was the happiest day of my life!!!! The end of 5 years of misery..... well at least 4 years of misery and a couple of terms of marking time.... I would happily assign my secondary education to mordor.

Oh I'm sorry for that Mith! Some of my schooldays I could have done without, but I'll still miss it.

Well put it this way I went to what was then quite a rough comprehensive, was about six inches taller than everyone else in my year group until Year 5 (yr 11), a hopelessy clumsy and unathletic (only when I was doing teaching prac was it suggested that I had latent dyspraxia), girly swot with rusty hair and a "posh accent". It was bliss to escape to 6th form college where being a freak/ eccentric was tolerated, celebrated almost.

The only thing worse was my spell teaching in a sink school - guess me and schools don't mix!!!

Bullies, adult and junior can go to Mordor if they aren't there already.

Ok, you have permission to have hated it ;) I'm still sorry it was like that for you though. We had a good group, there were fights but everyone got on generally.

To keep on topic, missing Neighbours! I wanted to know what happened :(

I assign people who did not watch LOTR all the way through because they thought it was "boring". they can all burn in mordor. muwahahahahaha!