Poof! Sauron is Grilled Cheese. And Mount Doom is turned into a Bowl of Tomato Soup. Sauron is eaten by the starving orcs of Mordor.

I wish Gandalf was a Giant-sized Snow Cone.

I grant your wish, but you eat Gandalf the Giant-sized Snow Cone, which gives you an uncurable brainfreeze until which you have to embark on a long, dangerous, treacherous year's journey to Mount Doom where to get rid of the brainfreeze you need to jump in the lava.

I wish Mumakil could tight-rope walk.

Sha-la Sha-loom, Shal-ish, Granted is your wish. But there is no rope strong enough to hold them and they fall onto the Hobbiton when they are doing a cross Shire walk!

I wish that Doriath was a theme park

Your wish is my command. However, the entrance fees are rather prohibitive (one Silmaril or Nauglamir, a lifetime of wandering and despair, and or doom falling upon you.)

I wish Sauron was ailurophobic (terrified of cats).

Thou hast made a wish! I have granted it ye!

Sauron fears cats. So much, in fact, that he begins to hate them, and all things that look like them. That, he decided, includes Hobbits, and so has them all killed before the Ring is even made. Oh dear.

I wish that there were more rings of power.

Your wish has been granted!

There are more Rings of power. So many in fact that Sauron can't keep track of them all and loses a whole bunch. A gang of Skewrls finds some and they take over Middle-Earth! The End.

I wish that the entire Fellowship were girls.

Your wish is granted! All of the fellowship want's to have Eowyn's line (I am no man!) so they fight each other for it. They all end up dying, and Sauron takes the ring!



I wish Bill the Pony had laser vision

Granted is your wish. Bill has laser vision. This means he can only see lasers and nothing else. He walks blindly into the watcher in the water and is eaten. Sam dies of heartbreak.

I wish Helm's Deep was a giant burger bar.

Alakazam! And your wish is granted. However, all the defenders of Helms Deep are too interested in getting their Hornburger, Saruman's orcs kill everyone. Meaning no Theoden, Aragorn...etc, no Army of the Dead or Rohan coming to Save Minas Tirith...Sauron wins and you know the rest.

I wish Gandalf would stop uncloaking

Your wish is granted. With great difficulty, Gandalf quit his nassty habbit. Unfourtunately, there was nothing exciting happening so everyone was bored to death.

I wish that Radagast had been more involved.

A twist this time!
 

I think I'll try this out...

Your wish is not granted! Radagast stays obscure in the books and is rarely mentioned. Because of this, he never starts the fan club he's been dreaming of, and constantly asks the Mockingbirds why they mock him. :D


I wish Sauron was really a hobbit.

I grant your wish, but Sauron was a Baggins and he found the Ring Bilbo was keeping, causing death and destruction all across Hobbiton.

I wish Gothmog was normal like every other orc.

Your wish is granted. Nothing major happens. Gothmog is still unimportant.

I wish Gondor and Harad/Umbar would be the best of friends.

Your wish is granted, but this ticks off Elrond, Galadriel, and Theoden who ally themselves with Sauron and obliterate Gondor, Harad and Umbar from the map.

I wish Gimli was a woman-dwarf

Hah!
 

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, you can't really tell the difference--it's the beards.


I wish the Nazgul were pink and sparkley.

Your wish is granted. Everyone who sees them dies from laughing too hard, including Frodo, and they take the Ring to Sauron (who is immune to their effect).

I wish PJ hadn't put those messed up hyena things in the movies.

Your wish is granted. I'm assuming you're talking about the wargs, so the wargs never attack the Rohirrim. The Rohirrim get overconfident at the battle of Helm's Deep, lose, and Saruman takes Rohan.



I wish Saruman had blue hair and was a hippy

Your wish is granted. Saruman smokes too much pot. Gandalf sees that he's relaxed and not worried about Mordor and joins him. In staring at their fingers, they forget about Frodo, the Fellowship and the Ring. When Gandalf finally remembers, he jumps into his VW bus, which stalls, drives to them as fast as he can, then sees them and, still hallucinating, thinks they're orcs. He hits them with his bus and leaves the bodies there for the Nazgul to find.

I wish there were more Gollum/Smeagol conversations in the movies.

Your wish is granted
Gollum/smeagol have more conversations in the movie. As a result a large society of Schitzofrenics gets mad and sues PJ and Newline for making fun of them, and a s a result all gollum/smeagol conversations had to be cut.\\


I wish that Fatty had gone on the quest with the rest of the conspirators

Woosh! Your wish is my command! Granted. Fatty goes along. Sam no longer feels so insecure about his weight, and so feels he can eat more food, they all starve to death at weather top.

I wish The Anduin was a river of chocolate.

Your wish is granted! Eru sees it fit to turn Anduin into a river of chocolate, as well as every other river, and they all eventually harden into a cake of massive chocolate - which, despite Elrond's effort, wouldn't rise into a tide to sweep away the Nazgul - so Nazgul captures Frodo and seize the ring, who immediately uses it to turn all the water in middle earth into chocolate, which didn't work out as well for him, because everyone died from dehydration and he had no one else to rule and torture, so he swallows the ring and dies. The end.

I wish Numenoreans weren't so damn proud.

Look at that! The wish is granted. But they are not proud; in fact they are all paranoid and hide away from the sun. They do not come to the aid of the elves to overthrow Sauron. Sauron wins the war and the world is plunged into a second darkness.

I wish that The Silmarilion included something about the End of Days,

I grant your wish...You read in The Silmarillion, that the end of Days on Middle-earth were caused by a Chinchilla spawning outbreak.

I wish Denethor would shave his back hair.

Your wish is granted! But, Denethor sees fit to use that back hair for hair plugs. So now, everyone just stares and laughs at poor old Denethor. In an attempt to fix it, he accidentally ignites his himself trying burn the plugs out.

I wish the Ring had a cape.

Your wish is granted. The Ring starts his own mini series where he flies around saving the day. Super Ring out shines The Lord of the Rings and Tolkien fans the world over convert to Super Ring fans. Tolkien rises from the Dead and destroys all copies of the Lord of the Rings because he loves Super Ring so much.

I wish the Palantir were more widely available.

Your wish is granted. Sauron sees Bilbo using the Ring in Mirkwood, and the whole of Middle-earth fell to evil hands by the 8th chapter of The Hobbit.

I wish Morgoth was a firefly.

Your wish is granted. However, Morgoth was even stronger in firefly form than his regular form and the destruction of Middle-Earth happened be for the Elves even came.

I wish that the Valar who were not part of the Aratar would have been more invovled in the Silmarillion.

Your wish is granted. Nessa(my real life name) is now one of the main characters, instead of Varda. Varda gets jealous and kills Nessa. :eek: This terrible deed causes the end of all! :p

I wish that the good guys were the bad guys and the bad guys were the good guys. (for example Gandalf=bad, Sauron=good)

your wish is granted. this causes a great war becaue the evil elves tried to invade the generous Haradrim and steal their Tea-sipping Mumakil


I wish that Gandalf was actually a Ninja-Wizard

Your wish is granted. However, he had Neo as his master and his lessons didn't go to well. There for, he went to Morpheus who was a much better teacher. In the end, he was able to beat Neo and become supreme ruler of The Matrix and Middle-Earth.

I wish Legolas wasn't always so obvious...

your wish is granted,
unfortunately the reason Legolas was so obvious in the fis=rst place is that the rest of Middle earth was just so slow. So nobody realizes that marching on the black gate is a diversion. ;)

I wish that Pippen would have gone with Frodo instead of Sam at Rauros

Your wish is granted, but Pippin was high on pipeweed, so when trying to go after Frodo, he drowns.

I wish Saruman was CEO of Starbucks.

Poof! Your wish is granted. Saruman is CEO of Starbucks. There's a shop on every street corner in Middle-earth and he spikes the coffee with a special potion that turns everyone who drinks it, including Sauron, into one of his servants. Saruman conquers Middle-earth and becomes the new Dark Lord.

I wish Gandalf were the head of the White Council.

You're wish is granted. The only difference is that he saved Middle-Earth sooner.

I wish that all of the members in the Barrow-Downs put on a play, for the entire world, of LOTR.

Your wish is granted, but since Eomer of the Rohirrim plays Theoden, and since Legolas plays Elrond, and since Boromir88 plays Faramir, there is endless confusion, and it goes down in history as the worst play ever, thus adding to the poor reputation of the LotR in critics' minds...

I wish that Dol Amroth was the capital of Gondor.

Your wish is granted. But everyone still prefers Minas Tirith, so it's only the capital on paper.

I wish that the Downs had its own mini serise.

Granted. It gets cancelled before the first commercial.

I wish Sauron didn't ruin whatever image he had whenever he lost a fight.

Poof and woof! Sauron no longer loses his image when he loses a fight. He now loses it whenever he says the word 'kill'. So now his Orcs don't know what to do, as Sauron keeps changing shape and cannot finish a sentence. So they just go on a mad rampage through The Shire for no reason.

I wish that Minas Morgul was not made into an evil place.

Granted. It is so goody-two shoes that no one can stand the place.(When I meant Sauron losing his image, I meant his reputation. You can't really think highly of a warlord when he loses to a dog and surrenders to an unarmed women.)

I wish Gandalf would have told everyone at the Council of Elrond that the Eagles wouldn't fly Frodo to Mount Doom.

Your wish is granted. Nothing changes in the story, and when Frodo is saved from Mordor by Eagles, the people don't mind, because Gandalf say "to" Mordor, and not "from"!

I wish the Anduin was made of Chocolate!