A classic...
 

David vs. Goliath
---------------------
Goliath: "What!? This isn't fair - I thought you were only going to use a sling & some stones!" :eek:

Morgoth: I'm smackin' ya for being a dolt. It's "Jack jumped over a candlestick", not bonfire!

Morgoth: Aaha! Oh dear me, please excuse this most rude of semi-autonomous, convulsive expulsion of nose muscle functions Fingolfin...Choooo!

~ Aesthete

Morgoth: Stop! Didn't we go through this already?

Fingolfin: What do you mean?

Morgoth: Think, lousy creature! We had this pic already!

Fingolfin: What? In this thread?

Morgoth: Yes, it was not that long ago.

Fingolfin: How was the outcome?

Morgoth: I won.

Fingolfin: Oh.... I better get.... back..... to what I was doing..... see ya!

MJorgoth: Ok, see ya. (After one year of thinking) HEY! WAIT! Oh, bugger!

you can kinda see it...
 

Morgoth was so intent upon Fingolfin that he didn't notice the elf's secret weapon - a giant flesh-eating tick named Finny, climbing up his right leg.

Morgoth: The Black Knight always prevails!


Fingolfin: Your a Loony

Mrs Fingolfin was not always as understanding as she could be about those boys' nights out.

News Feltch.
 

Morgoth: I demand a new picture! NOW!

Fingolfin: Okay, okay, skirt boy.

Morgoth: :mad:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...arumanworm.jpg

Wormtong: And then Gandalf had the cheek to tell me I was short sighted.

Saruman: I'm over here, worm.

Wormtong: ... oh.

OR

Saruman always found hide and seek surprisingly easy with Wormtong.

Saruman: And you will stay on the naughty circle until you feel nice again.

Saruman: No, I am not interested in buying a new palantir-long distance plan

Notice the bright light in the background
 

Saruman: Did you leave the fridge door open again?

OR

Saruman: Did you touch my glowworm experiment again?

PM me where this from and you get cookies
 

Grima: Little does he know is that i have another plan for his Uruk-Hai, one that doesn't involve taking over the world

Saruman:Grima... you are talking in a normal indoor speaking voice

Grima:...That i am! *whisper*little does he kno-

Saruman: Grima get me my Tea!

Saruman (thinks) 'If he's stopping I suppose I'd better get a door put on this toilet...'

Grima (thinks) 'So that's why he has all the candles in there!'

Saruman: Grima, if you think I cannot smell you from there, you are gravely mistaken...

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Saruman: Grima, you bumbling idiot! Stop dancing about on my mother's lazy susan!

~ Aesthete

One of the many merchandises made specially for Greenland was a frozen Saruman !

In a game of Hide and Seek, Saruman cheats as he peaks to see where Grima is going. :eek:

Lotr WW
 

The Hunter (Saruman) conceals a knife under his scroll as he awaits the approaching Werewolf (Grima)...

Saruman: *with finger on trap door release* Just move a little more to the left, would you?

OR

Saruman: For the last time, Grima, you can't have my priceless portrait of Sauron in his Hippie days. I saving it for blackmail.

Saruman: look for the last time you can't have any of the candles because then i'd be able to see your face!! (thinking) His face is worse than Gandalf uncloaked!!

Grima: Hey, why are you in my room? Hey that's...that's...MY DIARY!
Saruman: And very educational it is, too. I especially enjoyed your little love poems to a certian Rohirric Shieldmaid...
Grima: NOOOOOO!!

Saruman: Soon Rohan will fall. . . .

Grima: I once ate a whole apricot !

Saruman: ? ? ?

Saruman: [reading] "... and they all lived happily ever after." [closes book] Now, for the thousandth time, Grima, go to sleep!
Grima: One more time! One more time!

Saruman: "Is that you, Sugar? I placed that call for you ten minutes ago..."

Grima: "I'm sorry, my lord, but all the escorts were already working tonight."

Saruman: "Lathspell I name you - ill news is an ill guest."

Saruman: Moronic interior decorators! Always the same-evil genius in black. I wanted PINK!!

Grima never dared to disturb Saruman while he was reading poetry.

HitchHikers Guide to Middle Earth
 

Voice: The Evil kind of wizard is a different thing, they are very evil and never see things straight, and on occasion they create grand armies to bully other neighbours. but above all never let them read you poetry

Saruman's poetry (thanks Elf-Warrior & Gil)
 

S: Oh freddled gruntbuggly
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes...

Saruman: Nip down to the cellar Grima and check the fuses, the damn lights have gone in my study again.

Saruman: I don't think it works.

Grima: What?

Saruman: Destroying the enemy telepathically.

OR

Grima: Why do you have a Gandalf uncloaked calendar?

(Saruman reading)

This is a ransom note. We will hold you hostage in your tower until you give up the Keys of Orthanc, your Staff, and your entire army. Do not try to find us, it will be impossible.
Sincerely,
Grima

Saruman: "Grima...come here for a moment, will you?"

Grima: A new image approaches!
Saruman: Finally, before I glaze over...

http://arwen-undomiel.com/images/elrond/Elrond_dg.jpg

It was like a scene from The Christmas Story...

H. Weaving: Ha, ha, very funny. Seriously though, I can move my arms, or anything! Help? Please?!

~ Aesthete

Elrond: "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ear!"

Elrond: I want to fly like those eagles! *flaps*

OR

Elrond: I swear the fish was THIS Big!

OR yet…

Even the Elf lord gets pulled over for drink driving.

Morning exercises is a clue for staying fit for 5,000 years
 

Elrond: Good, good, now enough with bobs, let us warm up our arms... spread your arms like this... hey, you, you four, short ones! you in the back, you're too plumpy to be hiding behind the backs there! Come forward for me to see you, slackers! 50 pull-ups extra, now!

Frodo: I'll kill... Bilbo for... this! Go to Rivendell... Poetry... stars... music, he said... and what's.... this?
Sam: Ah, Mr. Frodo, but look... how all these ... these elves are... sleek and fit..., it is probably... magic Master... Elrond does on them...
Merry: If this... is magic... than... I'm an orc...
Pippin: You... won't be able... to beat...Bilbo... he's been... doing... this... for years... he'll beat you...

Elrond: Hey, no talking! And no puffing! 50 more pull-ups!

Frodo: I'll... sure... kill... him...

Pic for those who can't see it as I couldn't.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g3.../Elrond_dg.jpg

Hugo demanded a mirror for ballet but it never came!

Elrond: Why did that fellow with the bad teeth tell me to keep hold of these invisible lamp stands? And why can't I feel them? Oh well, better wait another five days...

OR

After they were famous: Elrond...

In Valinor he became a successful cricket umpire.

Hugo really was casted for the role of scarecrow in Farmer Maggot's fields but became Elrond in a rushed last minute decision when a better Elrond backed out.

Rejected costumes for The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

or

Elrond: Gil-Galad said if I stand here flapping my arms long enough I can fly.

Elrond is asked to take a side-road alcohol DUI test! :eek:

Before Rivendell, Elrond founded alot of less succesfull settlements.