Apart from Cirdan of course, Elves don't have beards because they tend to have ginger facial hair and that really doesn't go with their hairstyle.

On the quest of the Ring, how many Orcs did Frodo slay with Sting?

None, he only Stung them!

Why did Melkor never marry?

A common misconception, he did marry. That's where all the trouble came from. He was married to Belegurtha. He was just a hen-pecked husband. She wanted it all, and she made him do it.
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Why did Ungoliant help Melkor?

After marital difficulties with Belegurtha, Melkor turned to Ungoliant, his secretary, whom he persuaded to help him obtain the Silmarils, the one thing that would get him a one-way ticket back to Belegurtha's heart./


How many toes did Gollum have on his left foot?

He has no left foot!!

How did Arwen meet Aragorn?

On Spring Break in Cancun.

Where is the city of Gondor?

Take Hwy. 50 out of the Shire, past the Rohan turnpike, get off at Exit 9, take a left on Mark Street, right on Ridder Road, a left on Dwimmerlaik Drive, go about one hundred miles, take a right turn where the old Pukel Palace Mall used to be and follow the Garn-Buries-Gum scenic mountain pass and voíla! You're in Gondor, enjoy your stay.

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What is there to do in Gondor on the weekends?

Sew caving suits for the local cave rescue group!
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What is Frodo's favorite TV program?

The Odd Couple, a daytime sit-com, where the uptight and neurotic Elf Legolas is forever exasperated by the exploits of his ever-humorous Dwarf sidekick, Gimli.

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How were the Uruk-Hai created?

[ January 30, 2003: Message edited by: The Saucepan Man ]

They were made by Julia Child, out of sugar and spice and everything nice.

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What is "Merry" a nickname for?

Meriadoc Brandybuck was such an all-round miserable Hobbit that everyone else thought it would be funny to give him the nickname 'Merry'.

What did Gandalf do to displease Saruman?

Stole his nail clippers! didnt you see him holding his hand over the palantir?
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how did Bilbo and the Sackville-Bagginses fall out?

Many people think that its a silly Hobbit rivalry, but Bilbo actually stole over half of the Sackville-Baggins's life savings.

Who is the Shire's biggest heavy metal fan?

The old Gaffer of course!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why didn't Arargorn want to be king?

He never really wanted to marry Arwen, but since she was so hyped up about it, he figured that he ought to at least act like he wanted it,and since Sauron's victory seemed inevitable, he convinced Elrond to allow their marriage only if he became king.

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Why did the Entwives leave, and where did they run off to?

[ February 01, 2003: Message edited by: Iarwain ]

Well, the ents flatly refused to brush their hair, beard, or do any personal grooming. That's why the entwives left. They went to Mirkwood and started a salon and their own line of beauty products, which explains why Legolas always looks perfect.


Why doesn't Aragorn try some of the entwives products? Eru knows Legolas has tried to sell them to him!

Because Aragorn is a notorious tightwad. Squeezing pennies from him is like trying to make bread-juice. Every since a distant cousin of his lost his wallet, he's been very cautious about these things.

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Who is Longshanks?

Arwen's long lost twin, of course!

What is Aragorn's favorite sport?

Cross country of course, as that is what he's best at. He actually beat Legolas out in the first annual race across Middle-earth.
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Explain Shelob's past.

She is actually Galdriel, it's a severe case of split personality.
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Why did Aragorn go for Arwen, not Eowyn who is blatantly better suited to him?
(Oh sorry, have I been believing the film too much?)

Because she has a bigger rack.
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Why does hobbit taste like chicken?

Because you have messed up taste buds. Everyone knows that Hobbit tastes like burnt oranges!

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What did frodo do while he spent his childhood at brandy hall?

everything from football to reading


why is sam frodos gardener?

He was appointed by a judge after he got into a car accident without insurance.


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How did the accident take place?

he was reading a book when he ran into a garden.


what is Sam's favorite book?

'It's true, I do feel like a God' by Paladin Took.

How did Sam learn to read?

hooked on phonics
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Why is reading not important to the hobbits?

all they need is ale, weed, and food to live

why do some hobbits love elves?

Its their Tookish sides coming out.

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Why was Sam really listening by the window in "the Shadow of the Past"?

He couldn't get tickets for the AC/DC concert going on just up the road, so he was trying to listen to it.
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Who was Goldberry's father?

gandalf

Who was Goldberry's mother?

Sam.


Who is Goldberry's father?

oops,sorry. okay, how many illegitimate children did Tom Bombadil have?

29

Who was Elronds best friend in kindergarden(besides Elros)?

best friend??? seriously, do you really think that guy had any friends?

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why did elros choose mortal life?

He was the rebel in the family. Everyone expected him to choose immortality, so he chose to be mortal just to spite them.

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What were Palantirs used for?

They were used to make weather forecasts.

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Who was Bombadil's father?

manwe duh

Who was bombadil's mamma?

He was a Spawn of Ungoliant. C'mon, you knew there was something not quite right about him. All that put-on jollity... A smile is just a frown turned upside down, you know, and when he gets to sucking the life juices from your body will you be amused by his derry dolling then?

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What did Wormtongue call Gandalf?

The hippest cat this side of Bree.

How many residents did Bree have?