Elrond: *why does he always have to reprimand me in front of everyone?! At least I'm not alone this time*
Meanwhile, Gandalf moves on to scold the next terrified culprit.

OR

Elrond: "Psst! Hey, you got any ideas? I'm fresh out?"
Elf: "I'm not telling you anything unless I can sit in that chair."

OR

Elrond: "Psst! What'd you get for #7."
Elf: "Straight of Gibraltar."
Elrond: "No! I put pi!"

Elves may not weigh until the world weighs, but Elrond was too good for that - His tripple shot mocha with extra large eclare was really weighing in this morning...

Elrond: Oh great Eru! Why?! Those cruely manipulative Baristas!


~ Aesthete

(Unknown elf couldn't take his eyes off the scene.)

Elrond *looking away* : "Gandalf how many times does the council have to tell you, We don't want to see what you look like as a white wizard and more importantly we don't want to see you UNCLOAKED!!!!! So go put some clothes on."



(Sorry I couldn't resist)

Gandalf: Well, seeing as Elrond is asleep, do you have any ideas, Mr. Elf?

Elf: Don't ask me! I've got a feather lodged in the back of my head! :eek:

OR

Elrond: Maybe if I close my eyes and concentrate, Gandalf will just go away...

OR yet!

As tensions grow in the council, one elf tries to maintain his dignity.

Elf: *thinking* just look straight forward! Don’t' make eye contact. Everything will be alright. Oh damn! I looked at Gandalf! *turns into frog*

Elrond tries to stand up.
 

Elrond: Who put glue on my chair?

(The Elf beside him averts his gaze and hums.)

It was tough for Elrond: Not only did he have to arrange the Quest of the Ring amidst the hostility between Hobbits, Dwarves and Gondorians, but he also had to put up with the frankly preposterous demands of the Featherhead Elves.

(Hookbill's idea, obviously. ;) )

"We Elves of the Featherheads demand not one, not five, but fifteen golden Rings of Power! Reject us and ye shall feel our wrath!

Elrond: "Who invited this guy?"

Maybe some Diatabs would help . . .
 

Elrond:*Maybe I was better off in the matrix, at least I didn't have Gandalf annoying me (and everone else for that matter) with his constant uncloaking* :smokin:
Yes Gandalf! Brilliant idea you should uncloak! :eek: *Please Eru save me!* :(

**=Thoughts

Elrond stars in the new pepto bismol commercials...

Elrond tries to grow a beard.

OR

Featherhead elf: Don't blame me! I didn't slip the laxatives in Elrond's tea!

Gandalf: What? No one mentioned Elrond.

Featherhead: Erm... ... ... bye! *runs**


*as does Elrond

Playing 'Mafia' (Werewolf :P)
 

Elrond (narrator): "I'm sorry to report that there was a murder last night. Glorfindel was riding his horse home when someone knocked him off (literally) and stole his horse."

(The mafia, of course, is Arwen :p)

And you thought a three hour meeting was bad. Imagine an Elven meeting - fifteen weeks without so much as a sniff of a plate of chocolate biscuits and a pot of lukewarm tea.

The transition from Agent Smith to Elrond was a most uncomfortable one.

OR

Elrond: Oh no, there goes that seam again!

Stealing from you, Marshal of the Mark
 

"We are the Elves who say Ni. This council shall not go on until you meet our demands"

Elrond: "And what if we refuse?"

"Then we shall say Ni to you. Ni!! Ni!!! Ni!!!!"

Elrond: "Alright, alright!! what will it be then, Elves who say Ni?"

"We want.... a shrubbery!!"

Elrond: "A shrubbery?" (thinking: Oh, no... where am I going to get a Shrubbery in Rivendell??)

Elrond: There is no craft in Middle-earth that will destroy the ring, it must be taken to Mt. Doom and cast into that fire no other fire will do.

Pippin: OH! I have an idea. I think I can make a pretty hot fire and we could probably destroy the ring in it?

Elrond: *sigh* Hobbits!

While Elrond isn't looking, the dreaded Elf-killer of Rivendell strikes again.

Or

(going on the feather theme...)

The dreaded Elf-tickler strikes again.

Look under his sleeve! Elrond is a mutant!
 

As the Council discusses the Ring's fate, Elrond casually looks downward to discover a bit of Elven graffiti on the ground.
What is this...? Elrond thought to himself. What does that say...? "Elrond purchases Dwarven materials"?

A slight alteration, inspired by Spike Milligan...


While Elrond isn't looking, the dreaded phantom raspberry blower of old Rivendel town strikes again! :eek:

OR

Inspired by the latest adventures of Minas Taxi...

Gandalf: So, as the Balrog gained on me, I decided to reveal my true power. If you know what I mean. *Demonstrates*

Elrond: *groan*

Elrond: *I knew I shouldn't have had that extra little bit of broccolli*

Elf in the background: (Looks around before being hit by horrible scent) *Was that Elrond......"

Unfortunately the rest of the council passes out from Elrond's unexpected fart

Inspired...


Elrond: "Oh, for the last time! It's got nothing in its pocketses, OK? Now, will you please desist, Glorfindel? The other Elves are beginning to talk about us."

http://www.andrewjack.com/images/0093.jpg

Frodo: No sir, I'm sorry, but I don't have any spare change.

or

Old man: Mordor is it? Well that's easy! Go up the road about 5 furlongs and at the mushroom shop take a right, follow that for...oh I'd say 3 days and you should be right at the gate.

or

Merry, Pippin, and Sam are playing craps while Frodo tries to conduct business.

Merry: Come on 7-11!

Frodo is slightly underwhelmed by Gandalf's makeover.

Old man: Now if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, you do not go around making trouble. Why can't you be more like those friends of yours *points to other hobbits* and play normal games?

Children can be so cruel...
 

Old man: "Yes laddie, I seem to have lost my dog. Have you seen him?"

Frodo: "Um...no.... *Guys, quick: get rid of the body!*

It seems that Fatty Boldger lost weight in his old age.

OR

It seems that Sauron's greatest weapon was not the Nazgûl, or the Trolls or even the terrible Shelob, but an old man who could bore them to death with tales that lead nowhere.

Gildor...?
 

The Elves of the Third Age didn't quite reach the glamour of their ancestors.

I know it is probably just the piping on his dressing gown but:
 

Elrond pic


How to get through long meetings...

Elrond wonders if he can retrieve his i-pod and get it back in his sleeve before anyone notices...

Frodo: You're goin' down, old man.

Farmer Maggot does not realize it, but Frodo's eyes are fixated on the large, purple wart on the centre of his forehead.

Can I play to
 

Frodo: What are you doing here
Old Man Without Costume: Excuse me sonny, but do you know where the Maggot Willow Bombadil Glorfindel shoot is?
Frodo: Who?.....................................

Security was getting tighter in Middle-earth, and all manner of methods were being used to sniff out the enemy.

Frodo: Ha! You blinked. Now will you let us into Bree?

Frodo: "No, I haven't seen any traveler's bag stuffed with Longbottom Leaf, why?"

Old Man: "'Cause I can see yer hidin' it in yer cloak, that's why!"

Hogwarts is scouting for new Quidditch players.
 

Scout: C'mon, Frodo, join us. You don't want to be like that *nods at other Hobbits*, don'tcha?

Old man: What has it got in its pocketses?

Frodo: I told you, a ring of power!

OR

Man: So, Elijah, this is where the Hobbits go into a song and dance routine.

Elijah: ... ... ... :(

How to sell a fantasy film, Lesson 1.
 

Old Man: Forget the lines. You need to act from the eyes, those puppy-dog eyes of yours. Okay?

Unexpected Company
 

(Pippin in the background: "I know that short cuts make for long delays. But Jehovah's Witnesses make for even longer ones!")

Sean Connery: "Your mother, Trabek!"
Elijah: :mad:

OR

Old Man: "...and then, like, I'm like, "No, I don't have a license!" and he's like, "No license, no driving!" and I'm like, "It's like, totally a bike, Mister!" and he's like, "Oh, so you're, 'like,' a wise guy are ya? How about a ticket?!" and like I'm like, "For, like, what?" and he's like..."
Frodo: *I really wish he'd shut up already!*

OR

Gandalf: "So I went to that uncloaking clinic you recommended."
Frodo: "Oh, really? How'd it go?"
Gandalf: "Well, they gave me this really nice coat, and it's worked marvelously. It's so much harder to uncoat." :rolleyes: (Bad puns abound)

Survivor: Somewhere in Hobbiton I'm assuming...
 

Old Man: "Well, it looks like it's down between either you or me for today's voting."

Frodo: "It'll be you."

Merry-Pippin-Sam-Extra-Ultra-Alliance-Of-Doom: "*Whisper* *Whisper* *Whisper* Yep, okay.++ Frodo"

Old Man: Okay now next you will pull your hand out of your pockets and hold out your palm. We will get a close up of your palm with the ring on it...the theory being that if we insert this shot every 5 minutes or so the audience is bound to get the idea that this movie is about a ring!

Got it?