Elrond: What do those Orc banners say? "We'll fill you"? What?

Soldier: I think you forgot your glasses, sir.

OR

Elrond was always nervous on these roller coasters.

Or yet!

Elrond: I think I left the iron on.

Elrond perfects his middle distance vacant stare as he rides to work on the Ringular tube line.

A good pre-battle kick line was the tradition amongst elves, though the records tell us precious little, this visual record is proof positive that the ritual was indeed performed.

The Rivendell Elves film their own Bohemian Rhapsody video.

or

Battle or no battle, Elrond does not miss the opportunity to tan.

Sauron was so experienced at pick-pocketing. He had not only swiped Elrond's helm but also his trousers. It will be another five seconds before he realises.

OR

The POMEAGGU (People Of Middle Earth Against Gandalf the Grey Uncloaked) Come against their foe!

Elrond remembers at this most inoportune time that he forgot to take his Imodium A-D this morning.

Elrond had taken a few days off to go skiing in the white mountains before heading to battle.

Elrond: "I hate this heat! Not only is it too hot and stuffy in here, my sweat is making my manly-looking fake beard rub off!" :mad:

ELVISH WHISPERS

Elrond: 'What do you mean 'Send three & fourpence, we're going to a dance?????'

OR

Elrond: "Do you hear that, Mr. Aegnor? That is the sound of inevitability."

Aegnor: "No Sir, it was me - just nerves. Sorry Sir'

Elrond: 'I thought it was a wind out of the West!

Oh, THAT'S what they meant?!
 

"When they said 'Put a helmet on that soldier', I thought they meant something else!"

I need to change my underwear
 

Elrond: Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes

Soldier 1: What happens if their eyes are yellow or red

Elrond: Well shoot when you hear knees knocking together

Soldier 2: What happens if they're not scared of us

Elrond: Don't worry about that, it will be my knees knocking anyway.

Elrond had been taking lessons from Aragorn:How not to bath.
OR
Aragorns disguise was perfect except that he forgot to have a wash before putting it on

Elrond: I bet Elros never had this trouble.

OR

Elrond regretted playing poker with Galadriel. It was worse than playing strip poker with Gandalf... well, not THAT bad...

I can't believe it!! Boromirs catapult idea worked!!

"So after this, whoever waxed my eyebrows is going down...I told them 'a little off the top'...not the WHOLE BLOODY BROW...*sniffle*" -Elrond.

I say!
 

Elrond: Good grief! A new picture!

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images...book/14564.jpg

Witch King: I'm going to ask you one more time, nicely... Is this the right road for Minas Tirith?

OR

Witch King: Will you stop laughing? It’s not that funny!

Or even:

Fell Beast: BUUUURRRPPP!

Pippin wondered just when Gandalf would get the password right this time.

OR

Gandalf's first attempts at dentistry weren't met with much enthusiasm.

The Witch-King of Hang-on-a-minute
 

Witch-king: Old fool this is my time

Gandalf: Yes,yes just wait until I find my contact lense.

Drunk flying...
 

Witch King: He just stepped out in front of me! I didn't see him coming!

Gandalf: I'll sue you into the nothingness that awaits you and your dark master!

OR

Gandalf: And I got this scar from fighting a pyromaniac steward, and this one from the time I was uncloaking at Bilbo’s party and this one…

Witch King: Kill me now!

Fell Beast: "Kurrrrrrrhhhhhh kurrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhh yiiiiiiiiiiiicccccccc......."

Witch King: "Oh, hell, he's trying to bring up another fur ball."

A Film Advertisment!
 

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An outcast Half ling
A Dead guy
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Coming to Cinemas June 9th 1023 IV Age.

Continuing the intoxication theme
 

Gandalf: No *hic* really offisher...I onnnnly hash a wittle bit ta be...sochible *hic*

Memories of old school riding lessons:

Witch King Instructor : "For goodness sake you have to get straight back on before you lose your nerve. Stop making a fuss about a silly little tumble "

Gandalf is overpowered by a greater evil than the Witch-King - a Fell Beast's breath.

Pippin and the Witchking look at each other in terror: Gandalf's empty cloak, lying on the road, can mean only one thing: Gandalf the White is somewhere, Uncloaked.

I can't believe no-one got this
 

Fell beast: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!

At the Rodeo
 

The crowd (the Fell Beast mainly) roars with laughter at the latest cowboys' attempt to ride the famed bucking bronco Shadowfax.

The fell beast's jaw drops to the floor upon seeing Gandalf uncloak.

OR

Pippin and Shadowfax do their best statue imitations hoping that the Witch-King won't notice them.

OR

Fell Beast: *Pant pant pant*
Witch-King: "Gandalf, have you by chance seen a three-foot, red rubber ball? It's difficult to play fetch when we don't have our ball."

It was a dark moment for all those of Minas Tirith, the Witch-King had arrived. As none but the most stout hearted could even stand his presence Gandalf had to face him alone. Gandalf strode forward with a regal magnificence not seen in Middle-earth since the first age. His flowy white hair glistened and his aura seemingly emmited a light as if his very sould possesed the light of the Silmaril.

As he marched towards his destiny Gandalf thought, "this will take all my skill and strength, even then is it enough to best this foe?"

Each step seemed like minutes, however at length he arrived to confront his foe. Gandlaf drew himself to his full height and raised his staff, to all who saw it seemed that the white grew while the dark diminished. Then Gandalf spoke, his voice was as solid as rock and as clear as a horn when he said, "Go back fiend, it is not your time, go back to the abyss that was prepared for you and your mas...What's this? A penny! Well I'll be, say here W-K be a good lad and wait a moment while I pick it up."

Shadowfax had enough of the 'uncloaking' jokes...

Shadowfax: This is just ridiculous... *exits stage left*


~ Aesthete

Fell Beast: *spits*

Gandalf: Aaaagh! I'm melting! No-ooooo!!

OR

Pippin: Silly Gandalf can't take his ale.

Gandalf: Wee! I'm not going to hurt you Mr Dragon. Give us a kiss! *Hick-up*

W - K: I'm... going to... go... now.

Witch King: Oh my GOD Gandalf, must you always leave yourself as a prime target for the "uncloaking" jokes?

OR

Pippin: Oh no Gandalf's gone and his cape is left behind!
Why does he have to impersonate Archimedes at a time like this?

(get it, Archimedes running out of the bath saying Eureka? YOU DON'T?! <sigh>)

:smokin:

Gandalf contemplates a quick burst of Flame Imperishable which will relegate the fell beast to dinosaur mythology.

Pippin: "Gandalf! This is the last time I take you in the Tate Modern! You always freak out at the modern art. This is just the Witch King's performance art reinterpretation of Francis Bacon's Three Studies for Figures at the Base of a Crucifixion. I believe it is in the running for the Turner Prize."

Ent Draught strikes again...
 

Pippin is more interested by the fact that he is now significantly taller than Shadowfax than by the fell beast.

Little known fact:
 

Where other "beasts" cough up hair-balls, The Witch-Kings coughs up Wizards.

This also explains the origin of the Istari.

or

The Witch-King made a little on the side by running a laundry service.

Gandalf: No, you can NOT borrow my sidewalk chalk! Can't you see I'm using it right now?


OR


Wizard-tipping became the game of choice for young fell beasts.


OR

Jealous of Gandalf's height advantage, Pippin secretly pays the fell beast to bite off Gandalf's legs.

Shadowfax got a better offer.

X to the Z. Hehe.
 

Witch-King: Hey, dude, I need you to pimp my ride!

W - K: Old Fool! Old Fool! Do you not know death when you see it? This is my hour!

Pippin: *Eats popcorn* :cool:

OR

Everyone waits in line at the Minas Tirith McDonalds Ride through.

Shadow fax: Yeah, I'll have a Big Mc, a Horn Burger and a diet Denethor shake.